Feel and Be Kind

 At the beginning of the month, on the parent blog, I shared The 90 Second Rule. I want to take some time to share this with you as well. I want to remind us all that feelings are not good or bad. Mindfulness helps us understand and accept that we can experience a feeling without judgement. The 90 Second Rule helps us understand that if we allow a feeling to exist, we experience the feeling fully, and then let it go, we can heal and be healthy.

Neuroscientist continue to explore and examine the human brain to better understand behaviors and emotions. In recent studies scientists have discovered that the biological components to an emotion only have a life of 90 seconds. After 90 seconds the chemicals associated with your emotions dissipate. It is stated that if you feel that you continue to experience an emotion past this time it is not truly the emotions but rather rumination. You are retelling the story and reliving the emotion, it does not actually exist anymore.

If we take some time to think about this scientific discovery we can begin to see how we handle our emotions in a different light. We can utilize the skills of mindfulness to sit with our feelings, accept the feeling, understand the feeling, and then let it go.

This concept is a challenge for some. As humans we love to story tell. We hold on to a story to feel better about our part and feel justified in the way we feel towards others for their part. The stories belong to us and we don't want to let them go, because who would be without our stories? Neuroscience would suggest we would be healthier; both mentality and physically. 

This week try a 90 second mediation when you notice a feeling beginning to arise. Allow that feeling to exist, sit with the feeling, do not try to direct the feeling yet simply observe the feeling, and then once you have allowed this 90 second process to take place; as Elsa would say, let it go.

Challenge yourself this week to teach this to your students. Talk with them about emotions, feeling emotions, not being ashamed of a feeling but rather learn to understand the feeling and where it is coming from. 

This mindfulness is also a great opportunity to build relationships in class. 

If you notice students struggling with each other ask them to sit with the feeling they have for 90 seconds. Then ask the students to share out after they have taken this time to feel and understand their emotion.

Maybe you have noticed a feeling you have toward a student, a time of day, an activity, a co-worker...maybe you could use time this week to sit with that emotion for 90 seconds. Take that time to fully feel it, experience it, and understand it.

This week in my parent blog I shared with them a link to Professor Jamil Zaki's website War For Kindness. On his website Professor Zaki has a section with a 5 day challenge for kindness and empathy. As we begin to explore emotions and allow them to exist for 90 seconds we can also learn to open a new space for kindness and empathy. If we no longer are allowing an old emotion to ruminate we open space to invite in kindness. 

Professor Zaki challenges us to explore kindness and empathy in five ways. I challenge you to watch the videos and give empathy a change. Kindness and Empathy Challenge

New research suggests children who regularly see and experience empathy in their environment become more empathetic and kinder. 

I encourage us all to try this challenge and find a kindness mindfulness for ourselves and our students. 

Try Kindness this week. 

Share Kindness this week.

Be Kindness for yourself and others. 

Mindful Teachers make Mindful Students

 

We can all agree that the statement above regarding being overwhelmed is 100% true. This year more than any year past we are feeling overwhelmed. Some feeling as if they are working each day to simply keep their heads above water. You are not alone. And there is hope.

In a previous job, were I was called into homes of families about to lose their children to the state, we were taught first and foremost "You can't tell which families are hopeless, so no family is hopeless." This statement is true for you as school staff and for our students. We are all working and learning in unprecedented times.

You are not hopeless. Our students are not hopeless. If you ever find yourself feeling the opposite of these statements; that is a wake up call to slow down your thinking and understand your feelings with mindfulness.

The next statement on this graphic that I want to take a minute to reflect on is the zero statement. You are allowed to be overwhelmed. You will be overwhelmed. Mindfulness will help you know how to be with the feeling of being overwhelmed, assess where it is coming from, and how to manage the feeling. Being overwhelmed is a signal that something needs to be addressed and maybe even let go. When you use mindfulness to address being overwhelmed you will greatly reduce the occurrence of a meltdown. 

Zero people will benefit from you melting down. Everyone will be benefit from you mindfully addressing your own emotions.

Every day I start the day asking students to set a goal. A goal they can accomplish that day. Not an extended goal that will take a long time. But a simple, straightforward goal for that day. Looking at our graphic we are reminded that there are only 24 hours in a day. Do not be unkind to yourself if you set goals too big for 24 hours and you cannot accomplish them. Set the example for your students. Let them know your goal and how you plan to achieve this goal. 

Our brains are wired for the negative. It isn't comforting to hear but important to understand. When you understand that evolutionarily your brain needed to wire the negative first and faster than positive, then you better understand the need for mindfulness. As I've said before, we do not live where we need to worry about lion attacks, battling a bear for food, or surviving a cold night in a woods; yet our brains still run on this assumption. Mindfulness helps us retrain our brain toward the positive, it helps create new neuro connections toward compassion for self and others. Our graphic suggests taking 3 breaths right now. Do it! 3 slow, deep inhales, holds, and exhales. When we focus on deep breathing we are slowing down the flight, fright, freeze, faint response and giving our brains time to process.

Remember, if your brain, as an adult, cannot process without slow breathing....neither can your students. You need to teach them to slow down, calm down, and process.

The next number to look at is 5. It only takes 5 minutes to pick a healthy snack. Healthy eating is a great way to mindfully fuel your body. I would also remind you that 5 minutes is all it takes to be mindful. Mindfulness is not meant to take away from your time but give you time back. Taking 5 minutes a day to be mindful will help you and your students learn to process feelings before those feelings become actions. 

The last number to address 1. It only takes 1 other person to start a support group. This means don't do it alone. When we have another person to talk to, hold us accountable, and check in with, we are more likely to succeed. 

Mindfully teach yourself first, then mindfully teaching your students will naturally follow.

How You Help and a little bit of RAIN

 Last week we talked about looking at our students with compassion and understanding. We asked the question, how are you helping?

How have you helped during this first week back in-person? Did you remember to spend time in gratitude? When I meet with students in the morning the two things I always ask are "What is your goal for today?" and "What is your gratitude?" Studies show us that having a goal for the day (small and achievable) helps us set a path and plan for the day. Doing this creates a sense of purpose and drive. One study looked at 5th grader who practiced daily goal setting, using WOOP. This study found that those students outperformed their peers. 

This week I have utilized my compute to and from work to listen to one of my favorite podcasts The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos. Dr. Santos is starting the new year talking about the things that will make us truly happy and not setting new years resolutions.

In her second installment in her four part series, Dr. Santos had on Dr. Tara Brach. If you remember back to a previous post March 11,2020 RAIN, Dr. Brach uses the acronym RAIN to help us with mindfulness and self-compassion.

Dr. Brach made a statement that really connected with me and made me reflect on another way we can help and support our students.

Dr. Brach shared that at the end of RAIN, the N: nurture, asks you to place your hand on your heart and give yourself some compassion. I love this. I love Metta Loving-Kindness mindfulness. But this is not what really stood out to me. Dr. Brach shared that some new research is showing that the act of placing your hand on your heart relaxes the sympathetic nervous system. 

Our sympathetic nervous system is responsible for our body's involuntary response to danger. This is your Flight, Fight, Freeze, or Faint. Studies are showing that the small act of placing your hand on your heart while taking in a deep breath can help your body calm this process and you can process your thoughts and feelings.

Evolutionarily our sympathetic nervous system saved us from being eaten by lions and the like and it was important to have this turned on and tuned in. Today we do not need to run full speed with this system. When the sympathetic nervous system is triggered your brain and body is flooded with hormones which in turn elevates your heart rate.

For some of our students, this pandemic and their home lives, has created a situation in which they are always running on high alert. It is not healthy for our bodies to remain in high alert. We need ways to find calm.

Helping our students starts with helping ourselves. 

I wanted to share some resources that can help you with your mindfulness and aid you with helping your students. 

Headspace has a new series on Netflix. I have watched the first two. I would recommend these for your personal use. They would be too long for our students. 

Headspace is also offering educators a free subscription to their app. Headspace.com/educators

As a school we have Inner Explorer. Please Please Please utilize this resource. It is easy, the lessons are not long, all you have to do is push play, and research shows your stress will reduce and your students will perform better. Right now many people are stressed about our students performance and keeping pace during this school year. Why not use a resource that can help reduce stress and improve student performance in class?

At a recent training a fellow ABSS shared that they utilize Sandford Harmony. This resource is a free SEL (social-emotional learning) program. I have done some exploring and have observed lessons, trainings, and more. This resource is directed at K-6 but also has some connected links for older students. 

Providing our students with mindfulness does not have to be a challenge and when done well can benefit us along side our students. 

In The Happiness Lab podcast a story of an Army Lieutenant who learned mindfulness at an anger management course. This story shows how mindfulness helped this man remain calm when he wanted to be anger, connect with another person, and learn that had he allowed his anger to control him he would have added more pain to another person. Go listen. The podcast is about 35 minutes long and the story is at minute 25...but really enjoy it all and get a refresher on RAIN. Reconnect with the Moment

Your mindful practice can help you remain calm in challenging situations, be more aware of your own feelings, and be able to better support others. 

What if your anger added to the pain of your students without you even knowing? What if instead you were able to calm a fear and provide a safe house for your students feelings? 

I end each day asking students; "what did you do today that mattered?" and "how have you helped today?" Psychologist Adam Grant wrote a book Give and Take, helping us look at ourselves and if we give to others or take from them. He shares that he asks his children daily how they helped. He finds this more important that asking how their grades are, if they had fun, and if lunch was good. 

So I ask you, "How have you helped today?"

Looking at our students in a new way

 Last year as we returned from break I took time to reflect on the idea that not all students experience a positive and relaxing break. Not adults do either. This year I have a similar idea for us to ponder but it extends to how our students are in relation to not only break but the pandemic. 

When we think about our students we are often asked to consider Trauma Informed approaches. This can be a challenge when you are attempting to mange a full class. Some days it seems all you can do is hope that the majority of your class is present and ready to learn. Taking time to consider each students background and home life can become overwhelming and an emotional undertaking not everyone is ready to experience. 

Over break I started reading a book, for pleasure, and in it the main character is dealing with PTSD. This prompted me to begin reflecting on my past jobs and the clients I worked with, in particular those with PTSD.

PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Years ago, while working in Flint, I worked with many families, one being a mother and her four sons. This mother experienced extreme domestic violence that took years to escape. The violence while directed at her physically, left it's emotional scars on her sons. What was told to me by mom and boys was heart breaking. These experiences left the family in fear and in hiding. These experiences also left all four boys with a diagnosis of PTSD.

As I remember back to working with this family and the things they lived through, I began to consider our students. 

I also began to do research on PTSD and children. Unfortunately no formal studies exist but some statistics do and symptoms or signs of PTSD to watch for in children.

Studies show that 15-43% of Girls and 14-43% of Boys will experience some kind of trauma during childhood. Think back to when we have talked about ACEs. If you don't remember or are unfamiliar check on the link to my blog on  ACEs and Mindfulness .

Thankfully the numbers get smaller as we look at those who have experienced trauma and are diagnosed with PTSD.

3-15% of Girls

1-6% of Boys

While considering these numbers take a moment to remember that these only reflect those who are able to seek treatment. PTSD left undiagnosed means children not counted in these numbers.

Research reminds us that numbers increase based on type of population (poorer areas statistically have higher rates of violence and other factors associated with childhood PTSD), access to mental health treatment, and the willingness to seek it. For children they do not have a choice if their parents seek treatment for them. And if a parent does not give a full and accurate history PTSD can go misdiagnosed. 

The CDC states that PTSD in students also looks like ADHD. The student presents as unfocused, fidgety, easily distracted and irritable. 

As we think about our students take time to consider that on the list of common traumas associated with PTSD in children look a lot like our pandemic life.

Since March 2020 our students MAY HAVE experienced:

-Abrupted school closure

-Isolation

-Limited/No Food

-Limited/No Internet 

-Limited/No School

-Too much screen time (blue light and depression...read up!)

-Depression

-Anxiety

-Exposure to too much media... daily death numbers

-Covid : Themselves, family, someone they know

-Family violence 

-Holidays looking different, No Holidays at all

-No sports to play

-No places to visit

-Limited activities

-Limited to no transportation

There are no statistics or studies now. We are the living study that will be looked at years from now. Our students, this school year, and those to follow; will be studied and evaluated.

How do we help?

Those who seek treatment for PTSD engage in what is called CBT; Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Simple definition: Recognizing triggers to negative behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and actions. Evaluate responses. Replacing the negative responses with new positive and healthy choices. 

Does any of this sounds familiar?

It is very similar to Mindfulness!

Mindfulness asks us to sit with a feeling and thought. To witness. To feel it and experience it. Understand it. Let go of it if it is negative and build on it if it is positive. 

Including a mindfulness practice does not have to be challenging or take all day. It can be a 5-10 minutes start to your day.

Below is a video of a middle school teacher talking about Conscious Discipline. Again something that shares a lot of similarities to Mindfulness. I really like the way this teacher starts his school day and what he says about how it helps him. 

Conscious Discipline  

Please take some time to use this to put a new focus on 2021 and your students.

Happy New Year!