Because I Said So...

How we talk to each other and our students matters. The video I shared was a fun way for us to think about the words we use with our students. Are we clear? Are we calm? Are we caring and compassionate?

Thinking about last week's blog we know how to help de-escalate and be a passenger to feelings. Now, let's dive into how we talk day-to-day.

Communication is more than what we say. In fact, a lot of our communication is how we say it. We should always think about, our body language, our tone, our volume, and then of course, our words.

If you were in my PD on de-escalation than you have heard this story, so hold tight while we share with the rest of the staff. 

When I worked crisis social work in Flint, I had a client who would yell. He yelled all of the time. I could not help his family because I could not be heard. I talked with my supervisor and we explored ideas. I then went back to the family and began to talk quietly. Almost a whisper. This forced my client to quiet down to be able to hear me. Then we worked on communication. And then worked to help his family.

Here are some quick reminders for communication:

1. Less is more. You do not have to say all of the words when few words will do. Be clear and concise.

2. Be calm. This reflects back to last week's blog. When you communicate be calm.

3. Be clear. We do not have to use big words that students will not understand. There are times to grow a vocabulary and there are times to communicate expectations.

4. Be caring. Genuine compassion. We do not need to talk down to students. We do not need to talk at students. We need to talk with students. Explain with understanding and care.

5. Offer approved choices only. If you ask a student, "Are you ever going to get in line?" they very well may answer "no." You asked the question. If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question. You could try, "You may join the line now and go to specials or you can continue to wait and we will send the class ahead and I will walk you to special after we talk."  

6. Use "I Feel" language. I feel statements are great. It shares a perspective without blaming. "I feel upset when you touch me without permission. I would like you to stop." (real statement taught in kindergarten this week.)

7. Positive praise. Use those purples! Our brains are wired to focus on the negative. We have to train them to focus on the positive. Build those neural connections. Connect the behaviors you want to see with praise. 

There may also be times where you need just a quick communication with your students. 

 One Liners

Above is a link to some one liners that could work with students. 

Communication does not have to be challenging, but it does take some time and thought.

Be a Generous Passenger

 Are you a victim to feelings or a passenger?

This questions comes from a comment made during a podcast with Dr. Marc Brackett on Armchair Experts. This idea stuck with me. Are we victims to our feelings? Are we victims to our students feelings? Or are we passengers? Can we sit with them?

Dr. Brackett is the founding director for the Yale Center of Emotional Intelligence. If you have ever come into my office then you have seen a mood meter. You may have one in your room. The mood meter is his brain child. He wrote the book Permission to Feel and has a new book Dealing with Feeling.

Here is my next question for you to ponder... how do you deal with feelings? Do you deal with them? How do you deal with students feelings?

Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist who works with children reminds us that it is important to let children know that their feelings are not too big for us or too difficult for us. We need to show them we can sit with them and their feelings.

Dr. Kennedy is telling us to be a passenger to the feelings of children.

If you came to my mini lesson during PD week then you heard me make a similar comment regarding sitting with the emotions of students. 

It is easy to dismiss a student with big feelings, call for help and have the student removed from class. As easy as it may be, it sends the signal that their emotions are too big and too difficult for you. It lets them know you are not a person there to help in a time of need. The student beings to internalize this as "they can't help me." 

Helping students with their big feelings can mean helping them with de-escalation. When we want to assist a student with de-escalation we need to ensure that we are calm and ready to handle whatever may come. It may be uncomfortable for the student. It may be uncomfortable for you. It takes time and practice, learning to sit with feelings, rather than ignoring, pushing away, or pretending the feeling does not exist.

Key things to remember when it comes to de-escalation:

De-escalation is Response over Reaction. De-escalation begins with your emotions. Brains have mirror neurons that we want to utilize through co-regulation. Co-regulation is staying steady and calm. This helps anchor the student’s nervous system. Invite the student to your calm. Don’t join their chaos.

One last question and thought to ponder.

After a situation is done, how do you see the child? Are you taking it personally what happened? Have you moved forward, or are you stuck in the bad moment? 

Dr. Becky Kennedy in her book Good Inside, says "Finding the good inside can often come from asking ourselves one simple question: 'What is my most generous interpretation of what just happened?'"

Dr. Kennedy is asking us to look at the child, see the child, and be generous with the child. 

High emotions can cloud our judgment. We may look at a child and only see the emotion that lead to an escalation of behavior. Be generous. 

Being generous doesn't mean we overlook the behavior, it means we allow space to figure out the why to behavior. 

Grit and Growth Mindset

 Welcome Back and May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor.

As we take time to get to know our new students, this is perfect time of year to reflect on grit and a growth mindset. Not only do we want to foster grit and a growth mindset in our students but we want to make sure we too have grit and a growth mindset.

If you begin to see concerns arise with a student this is the time to have a growth mindset. 

As challenge after challenge arises, this is a the time to have grit.

When you Google grit, you will read that grit is defined as having passion and perseverance for long term goals.

Google goes on to breakdown the two components of grit, passion and perseverance.

Passion is defined as, a deep unwavering commitment and long-term interest in a specific goal or direction.

Perseverance is defined as, working hard and pushing though challenges, setbacks or failures without giving up.

The psychologist Angela Duckworth is one of the leading researchers on grit. She has studied a wide range of ages, backgrounds, and education level. She states that the most powerful and driving force for success if not intelligence, but grit.

We need to have grit when we are presented with a challenging student. 

We need to instill grit to help our students not give up and to choose to try over and over again, even when something is difficult.

The psychologist Carol Dweck has long been the one to turn to regarding growth mindsets. If you watch enough videos of Angela Duckworth she will reference Carol Dweck and connect grit and growth mindset.

A growth mindset is defined as, the belief that your basic abilities, intelligence, and talents can be developed and improved over time through hard work, effective strategies, and support.

The ability our students come into school with does not have the be the ability they leave with at the end of their time at Fortis.

Grit and Growth Mindset work hand in hand to propel our students forward with confidence. 

I encourage you to take some time this first month of school to think about your own grit and growth mindset. Take some time to consider how you see your students. Do you believe they can succeed? What is your growth mindset for them? Can you show them grit, to help them gain grit? 

When I worked doing in-home crisis social work we were always told, you do not know which families are hopeless. This was to instill the mindset that we should never see a family as hopeless. I believe this applies to our students and connects well with grit and growth mindset. Our students are not hopeless, they can gain grit, and everyone has the ability to have a growth mindset. 

Let's have grit and grow our students together.

Treat Yo Self to Self-Care

Our last blog of the school year!

We are wrapping up our Mindful Summer series and continuing our self-care.

Let me help you start self-care with a small treat. Come to my office quickly before the treats are gone.

Have a great summer and be ready to come back for more mindfulness in the fall (feel free to be mindful all summer long!).

Our Mindful Summer

Let's continue our preparation for a mindful summer.

This week we are focusing on ourselves. The last couple of weeks we had activities for our students to help them reflect on the year and prepare for a mindful summer. This week we need to take some time for us. 

Engage in self-care.

I have create two Summer Mindful BINGO sheets. They are full of ideas to keep us in the moment and be mindful. 

Print  a bingo board or two and see how many bingos you can get over the summer. Set goals and rewards for yourself. 

Reward Ideas:

Go out for ice cream.

Spa day.

Have a drink of choice. 😉

Allow yourself to take a day off from cooking. Order food. Go out to a restaurant. 

Go out for coffee with a friend. 

Find something fun and positive.

Over the summer it is important to rest, reset and recharge to be ready for the fall. 

Making sure we have a mindful summer helps us with our own lives but also helps us with our students. In the fall we can share the ways we made sure we were mindful over the summer. We can encourage mindful behavior by sharing our own mindful behavior.

Have fun. Be mindful. 

Planning a Mindful Summer

 To follow last week's blog, we have another worksheet we can use to be mindful as the school year closes out.

Last week we had the Rose, Thorn, and Bud, to reflect on success, struggles, and desired growth. This week we are going to think about how to plan a mindful summer.

Below is a link to three versions of a worksheet. One is a clean and simple version, for our students that like minimal distractions, and other two are fun and inspirational.

Mindful Summer Vision Board

Our Mindful Summer Vision Board is a fun activity to help students plan out a positive and mindful summer. 

The board has spots for; people they might see (or want to see), foods they want to eat, mindfulness they can do, new things they want to try, places they might go, goal to accomplish, and a free space to share anything planned for summer.

I find that when I ask students about summer I get a lot of, "I don't know" or "play on my phone/tablet/video games." 

Not all parents are around in the summer. Not all parents encourage activity, reading, outside time, mindfulness, and exploration. For a lot of children summer is spending time sleeping in, staying up late, and playing endless hours of video games.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics on average children spend nearly 8 hours a day on screens. In contrast children only spend 4-7 minutes a day outside. 

We can help our students think about things to do over the summer and encourage them to explore screen free, outdoor activities. 

The sad reality is, our students have been handed screens too young and are often not encouraged to do much of anything else. We need to be a force for good and encourage them to pick up a book, ride a bike, draw with sidewalk chalk, run through a sprinkler, go on walk, spend time outside taking deep breaths, watch nature, etc. 

We need to spark an idea. We need to help our students see summer in a different light, preferably the sunlight not the light of a screen.

In the free space we could encourage them to think about what time they will go to sleep and wake up. We could encourage them to set a summer reading goal. If you aren't familiar with the Ypsilanti libraries they do a summer reading program with lots of fun rewards. Barns and Noble also has a summer reading program that encourages reading with rewards or stickers and a free book.

Take some time during these last few weeks and explore a mindful summer vision board with your students. Encourage positive, mindful habits to help prepare them for the next school year.

Rose, Thorn, Bud

The end of the year wrap up is a busy time of year. Testing, field trips, park days, field day, and on and on. It is easy to forget to set aside mindfulness time. 

A great end of the year mindfulness wrap up can be the exercise, Mindful Reflections.

This mindfulness can be done any time of year but I have taken the original idea and tweaked it to fit for an end of the year mindfulness activity. 

Mindful Reflections for the End of the School Year

The worksheet linked above is a reflection sheet using the ideas of a Rose, a Thorn, and a Bud.

The Rose represents a success. It is a way you have grown (like the rose).

The Thorn represents a challenge. It is something that you struggled with (the pokey thorn).

The Bud is an idea for the future. It is the opportunity to plan for growth (the growing bud).

This could be a great opportunity to connect with your students. Give them suggestions for highlights, even take the time to reflect on the struggles with them, and of course inspire the future.

It's never too late to connect with your students. Share your Rose, Thorn, and Bud.