Plan to Find out Who You Are

 In her book Daring Greatly, Brene Brown shares, " What we know matters, but who we are matters more."

Knowing who we are is not as easy a task as one might think. It involves being able to be reflective and have courage.

In her book Brown tells us that knowing who we are takes courage to show up for ourselves and courage to let others see our authentic selves. Knowing who we are involves being vulnerable.

Through Brown we also learn that knowing who we are relates to being a safe person who is consistent and kind in all relationships. 

As we explore who we are we learn that it is more about how we treat others than what we achieve. Knowing who you are is about your compassion; empathy in action. 

This idea also relates back to our blog from January 16th when we talked about Adam Grant's idea about listing our contributions to the day.

Who you are comes from how you help better the day be better and how you treat others.

How do we go about cultivating this in ourselves and our students? 

I created a Daily Mindfulness worksheet we can use to help us and our students start and end the day building character and begin exploring who they are in a deeper way.

Link to worksheet

This mindfulness daily planner can help us check in with ourselves. We can begin to explore who we are and how we want to show that each day. 

This worksheet helps track mood as the day begins, setting our intention for the day, listing gratitude, and then sending three wishes. I like this last part because it stretches us to truly consider the questions related to being a safe, consistent, and compassionate person. It asks the question "Am I courageous enough to send a well wish to someone I do not like?" 

As we have explored, Brene Brown states that who we are relates to how we treat others and the compassion we have for them. The way we treat others shows our inner character, our integrity.

This worksheet can help us with our personal growth and create authentic connections with others by sharing our reflections. This will take another step of courage. Sharing is a vulnerable act that is not easy but helps us continue to build a kind character. 

The worksheet is two parts; morning and afternoon. It could be seen as a check in/check out system for who we are each day.

The afternoon reflections asks us to consider how we contributed to the day. What we noticed that day. How we feel as we wrap up the day. 

This worksheet is a great way to train our brains to focus on the positive, explore who we are, and set up our day for success.

Self-Regulation

 Self- Regulation. 

Psychotherapist Jennifer L. Hartstein defines self-regulation as, "It is the ability to effectively manage one's behavior and reactions in a variety of situations." 

This is not something that we are born knowing how to do. It takes guidance, practice, and the help of others, to build the skill.

Self-regulation utilizes the prefrontal cortex. As we have talked about in the past, this part of the brain is the last to develop and typically is not fully developed until age 25.

Our prefrontal cortex is tied to impulse control and planning. Since it is underdeveloped in our students we will see a lack of or limited ability to plan and control impulses. 

We need to take time to work with our students on self-regulation and build the skills. We can help these skills be built into their brains as they grow.

Children often do things without thinking and when asked why they did something they may not have an answer. This is not an avoidance of addressing their behavior but rather the truth, due to the stage of brain growth. Our students who have been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and anxiety have an even harder time with impulse control. They will also struggle more with knowing why they acted the way they did.

We have tools to help our students learn self-regulation. We can help our students slow down, learn to think before they act, and regulate their feelings and behaviors.

Here is a list of ways to begin to show and teach your students self-regulation skills.

1. Break things down. Taking a challenging subject/activity and break it down into small more manageable steps. This builds in time to think and regulate.

2. Validate feelings. We can let a child know their behavior was unacceptable while also letting them know their feelings are valid. EX: "You are allowed to feel angry when someone hurts your feelings. You are not allowed to throw chairs to express that anger." 

3. Take a Break. Cool off. Brain breaks. Walks. Deep breathing. Pause (like we talked about last week).

4. Mindfulness. Teaching mindfulness skills at any age is helpful for self-regulation. The younger we start and the more consistent we are, the more skills our students will have.

5. Calm Yourself First. Fire doesn't stop fire. You can't both be hot. If a student's emotions are elevated you need to check your emotions and ensure they are not elevated as well. Invite them to your calm. Do not join their chaos. 

6. Be realistic with expectations. The younger the child the less impulse control. The older the child (if they have been at Fortis long enough) the more mindfulness and self-regulation they have been taught. Set expectations based on age and knowledge of the child (ie: ADHD, Autism, etc)

7. Celebrate Success. Let students know when they have done well with self-regulation. This helps them know what to do next time, reenforces the right path, and lets them know you see them doing well.

Make sure you regulate your own emotions first. 

Remember what we learned at back to school pd, QTIP...quit taking it personally. 

Be the calm they need. 

Be the calm you want to see.

Pause

This week I came across a quote that stood out to me. It said, "If you do not overcome your problems, you will be overcome by your problems."

Our students do not know how to overcome their problems on their own. If we are honest with ourselves, many adults do not know how to maturely overcome problems. If we allow ourselves to be overcome by our problems we become stuck and this can lead to unhelpful choices.

Teaching ourselves and our students to take a mindful pause can help build inner strength.

Below is a video I encourage you to take some time to watch. Take a few minutes to think about the different you can make by teaching children to pause.

There is a lot of outer noise in our lives. We cannot always quiet that noise. There is often inner noise that we can be overcome by and we react to without thought. We need a pause.

Taking a mindful pause allows us the space to think, evaluate, and reflect. 

Remember to pause, listen, rest, breathe, and reflect. Engaging in this practice and teaching this practice can help us to have and know a place of calm. The Mindful Pause is a place of calm. It is a place to reflect and think before acting or speaking. It matters. 

Growing Our Emotional Vocabulary

Emotional Vocab Link

I found this resource recently and felt it was too good not to share. I love utilizing the Mood Meter and it works great, but there is always room for more tools in the toolbox. 

I like this wheel and how it breaks down feelings even more than the mood meter. Our Mood Meter helps us realize the intensity of an emotion and this wheel can help us with breaking down feelings into small categories. This could be helpful for our younger students. 

Helping our students identify a feeling empowers them to take ownership of that feeling.  When we share a common emotion language it becomes easier for all of us to identify feelings, support feelings, and either embrace or let go of feelings.

In my small groups I encourage students to explore the variety of emotions on the Mood Meter. I love when they read a word and ask what it means. This opens up a time of learning and exploration. I have observed that as we learn a new feeling word together more students use the word in the following days. The curiosity and growth of one student in my groups has helped increase the curiosity and growth of the others.

When we learn to identify an emotion in ourselves we are more likely to be able to identify it in others. This is true for our students. We can help them grow their empathy and compassion by teaching them emotional vocabulary. 

As we teach the words to connect to the feelings we also teach the students that all feels are real, valid, and important. The key is how we handle the emotion. As we teach the emotion we follow it up with the regulation of the emotion. We have heard the quote before, "Name it to tame it." 

Once you have helped a student name an emotion, work with them on regulation. Below is a TPT link to free emotional regulation resources.

TPT Emotional Regulation

The first resource has a great poster with pictures and words that display options regarding ways to regulate. The poster could be a great resource to print and place next to an emotion wheel or mood meter.

The third resource has a great activity for promoting affirmations. As we explore emotions we need to build up our students to help them have a full bucket. 

The ninth resource has a number of posters that could support a calm down space in your room. 

Number 13 has some feelings trackers. This could help students see the change in emotions over the course of a day and week.

As I scrolled through the resources I noticed ones for younger students as well as older students. Explore and find what is right for you. Feel free to also reach out to me and I can help you navigate these and other resources. 

I hope that you find some helpful information and start working to build a strong emotional vocabulary with your students. 

Empower the Progress

As we continue to move through the first month of a new year we may still be seeking change and growth. 

A couple of weeks ago we talked about setting a word to focus on for the year.

This week I want to explore the idea of changing behavior rather than focusing on an outcome when considering setting a goal.

When goal setting our brains need action-oriented change.

Adam Grant recently shared, in a social media post, that there have been 27 studies conducted regarding behavior change goals verse outcome goals. These studies have found that behavior change goals are 3x more effective than outcome goals. 

When we alter our actions, we grow.

Let's stop for a minute and see a couple of examples of outcome goals and behavior change goals.

Self:

Outcome Goal: Lose 5 pounds by February

Behavior Change: Work out 3-5 times a week. Each more fruit and vegetables. 

Student:

Outcome Goal: Students sits in seat

Behavior Change: Reduce times out of seat, fewer times up each day. Raise hand to get up.

The outcome focuses on the results we want to see. The behavior change gives us a process toward progress.

Studies have shown that when we set an outcome goal our brains do not have control of the situation. The outcome will either happen or it will not.

When we focus on behavior change we give our brains an action, control, and a path to follow.

Our brains love control. Behavior change goals give our brains that control. This control empowers us. When we feel empowered we are more likely to have success with our behavior change and will reach our goal.

When we set outcome goals we lose motivation when we do not see the outcome. That 5 pounds by February doesn't happen and we begin to lose motivation and the effort slips. 

On the flip side, we set a goal to work out 3-5 times a week and eat better and we are able to see our weekly progress. One week its three days and the next five. We make sure to add a fruit or vegetable to every meal. We feel positive, motivated, and we continue because we are doing it.

Helping a student keep track of times out of a seat. Having them track and see that they are reducing the amount. This will become the motivator for them to keep going and working each day. If they only see that they did not reach the outcome of staying in their seat, they will begin to feel defeated when they are unable to complete this task. They will think, "I didn't do it today, why try tomorrow." However, if they see the number of times out of seat go down and the times they raised their hand go up they will feel empowered by success.

Can you think of an outcome goal you could turn into a behavior change? One for yourself. One for a student in need of help with making positive changes. 

We can use this new year to find small changes to have big successes. Small daily behavior changes to help move us forward toward success. 

Make the Day Count, Count Your Contributions

If you have ever sat in on one of my introduction mindfulness lessons than it is no surprise to you that I love Adam Grant and implement his research findings into my life.

Adam Grant has shared that he always asks his children who they help each day.

I do the same, but I add an extra question.

1. Who did you help today?

2. Who helped you?

I want my daughter to be the helper but also know who the other helpers are in her world. I want her to be someone who contributes to life. But I also want her to know that it is not weak to ask for help or accept help.

Over the last few years psychologist Adam Grant and Jane Dutton have continued to research the topic of contributions. In fact their research findings show that counting our contributions not (just) gratitude/blessings makes us more motivated and less passive.

Quick Adam Grant Video

Gratitude, while a great thing to have and count is considered passive. It isn't our actions or abilities but rather what others are doing for us, the good happening to us.

Contributions on the other hand is active. It asks us what we have done for others and gets us thinking of ways to continue to support others.

As I did the research on this topic I couldn't help but think that this concept has been around longer than we think. President Kennedy once said " Ask not what your country can do for you- ask what you can do for your country."

Ask what you can do, not what can be done for you.

When we stop to ask what we have contributed to the day we see if we are a helper and if people can rely on us.

This is a good lesson for us as adults but also for our students. As I said, I ask my daughter daily who she helped. I love her answers. Most days she says she didn't help anyone, however, as she talks more about her day I find times she was a helper and she didn't even realize it.

 I will point it out and she will act like "of course I did that mom, who wouldn't?" and I ask if she has seen anyone else help in that way and then she will think and say no or say that maybe one or two others. 

This week she told me, no she didn't help anyone then she remembered that she told a friend to watch out because they were about to close their own hand in a door. The friend wasn't paying attention and quickly moved their hand. 

Be a helper. Contribute. Don't just take.

Research tells us that when we become a contributor we have more prosocial behavior which leads to better mental health. Helping others has been known to reduce stress, improve mood, and elevate self-esteem and happiness. 

The prosocial behavior also helps build a community, connections, prevents loneliness and isolation, and increases optimism and satisfaction. 

When we help others we strengthen our mental health, build up our community, and lead ourselves to living a more satisfied life.

We can give our students opportunities to contribute. Give classroom jobs. Lead by example. 

 Ask yourself each day how you contributed to betterment of the day.

Ask your students if they feel they have made a positive contribution to the day.

Word of the Year

Come January 1st many people set New Years Resolutions. Studies show that by mid-February those resolutions are abandoned. 

Research shows that new years resolutions often lead to something known as False Hope Syndrome. False hope syndrome is the unfulfilled expectations of self-change. We set a resolution. We believe we will commit to it and follow through. We believe we will experience great change. We may even start strong.

 As we begin we have a false sense that change will happen immediately. We don't see the pounds fall off. We don't feel more rested after going to bed earlier. We sneak and eat an unhealthy snack and feel like a failure. We have a false hope that change happens quick and will make us happy right away. 

And when we feel we have failed, we give up.

Instead of creating a large, abstract, long, and seemingly impossible resolution, let's goal set. 

Goal setting has been found to foster social connection.

Setting a goal triggers the release of dopamine. 

Goals give us purpose and motivation (intrinsic motivation). 

Goals give the fresh start effect. The fresh start effect motivates individuals to pursue aspirational goals. 

The best way to goal set it to make the goal clear and specific.

To help our students (and ourselves) goal set for 2026 I am attaching a worksheet you can utilize. The picture below is an example.

This goal sheet is about picking a word for the year. This is a simple goal. A word you want to focus on, embody, and strive for in 2026.

By using one word we have a simple and strait forward goal. 

This activity helps explore a word, the meaning of the word, and why that word is being picked. This activity creates depth and understanding. When this activity is done as group we then create the social connection. 

Below is a link to the my word of 2026 page. I have also linked a page that has a list of character traits, which could be used to help with finding a word. You could use that page or work as a class to compile a list of your own words that could become the years focus.

My Word of 2026

Character Traits

What is your word of the year?