Reflections not Resolutions

 As we travel these last few weeks of 2024 you might find yourself beginning to think of a new years resolution.

Instead of a resolution what if we take time to engaging in reflections. Mindful reflections.

Mindfulness is about being present in a moment. It's taking time to savor the best moments. It's learning from the challenging moments.

Thich Nhat Hanh once said, "Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment."

Hopefully you were able to dwell in some peaceful, loving, caring, kind, and understanding moments during 2024. Perhaps you were able to sit in moments and accept them as they came and learn from them.

On the website Integrativecounsel.org we are given a list of 12 suggestions to take time and reflect on at the end the year.

1. Health and Fitness

2. Intellectual Life

3. Emotional Life

4. Character

5. Spiritual Life

6. Love Relationships

7. Parenting Vision

8. Social Life

9. Financial Life

10. Career

11. Quality of Life

12. Life Vision

As I read this list I began to reflect on these items for myself. I began to wonder what it might look like if I focused my mindfulness in 2025 on these items. I feel that if instead of New Years Resolutions I make a New Years Purposeful Dedication to Mindfulness I will be happier, healthier, and am more likely to have success with meeting a goal.

1. Many people set resolutions toward fitness and health. What if we had a mindfulness mindset toward our wellbeing? 

2. Do we ever consider our intellectual life when we set new goals? I try to set a yearly reading goal. Most often I fall short. This year I can say I exceeded my goal!! I set a routine regarding when I read and I guarded that time. I was mindful about ensure I had that time each night (or most nights).

3. Now this one can be a true challenge. And it can have so many meaning when you think about it. This could be setting boundaries. This could be being more open. This could be allowing yourself to experience and not deny an emotion. This could be letting go of grudges. 

4. I love this one. I feel like this could be a great mindfulness new years goal for students. We could come back after break and instead of focusing on asking what gifts were received (maybe they weren't) we could take time to reflect on a students character in 2024 and what changes they would like to make in 2025. How about you? How is your character?

5. Spiritual life is a personal one. If it applies, take time and reflect. This year Leila participated in the children's Christmas choir at church and Madison asked for a Bible. Reflecting on this one with my family makes me feel proud and ready to keep moving forward in 2025.

6. Love relationships does not have to be romantic, but it can be. For me I see this as "How did you love in 2024?" Did others know you were giving and showing love? How did they know? Love is an action not a feeling (or not just a feeling). What were your love actions in 2024?

7. Parenting vision may seem exclusive to parents, but it doesn't have to be. Maybe you are preparing to be a parent. You want to be one. You are a pet parent. You are an amazing aunt or uncle. In a way for 8 hours a day you parent students. What was your 2024 vision for parenting. As I reflect I know that I need to refocus my love relationship during bedtime to better accomplish my parenting vision of being a calm and understanding parent (bedtime is the worst!).

8. Social Life. Do you have one? Did it satisfy you? Did you focus too much and not give yourself enough recharge time? Did you neglect it and you feel you lack connections with others?

9. This one can be touchy and personal. This one can be a real struggle, especially in this economy. Financial life. Give yourself some grace, set small goals, and be mindful. 

10. Career. How is it going?  I love my job. I worked for nearly 10 years in Flint doing social work before I came here. I had a job for 7 of those years where I was on-call 24/7. I went to a hospital at midnight in a snowstorm. I testified in court more times than I care to count. I stood before judges and advocated for children, once asking on behalf of a 16 year-old boy, to stop an adoption. I heard stories that would give you nightmares. And I was exhausted and disheartened.  The days get crazy at school, but the nights are mine. I love working with children. I hope that at the end of the day you feel that you are where you should be. And if not, what is your next step?

11. Quality of Life. How is it? Is it good? What needs to be improved upon? This one opens us up to some many possibilities. .

12. Life vision. Did 2024 fit into your life vision? What might need to be changed, challenged, or created in 2025 to fit your daily life into your life vision?

As we enjoy our time off, rest, relax, recharge, and reevaluated setting a New Years Resolution and find End of the Year Mindful Reflections and set Mindfulness Goals for 2025. 

 

Why Why Why

Have you ever been caught in a never ending string of "why" from a child? There was once a time that my oldest two children asked why so much I had to limit them to one why a day. Their whys were not for true curiosity but rather to simply see how many whys they could make someone answer.

According to Stanford Health when children ask a true why question is the beginning of their curiosity. They are seeking to understand what they see and hear. Giving a child an answer or even saying you do not know but suggesting you look it up together is the beginning of knowledge exploration. We should engage the why. Even if it is exhausting. 

The dreaded "why" leaves us never wanting to hear someone ask "Why". 

When I was trained in forensic interviewing of children we were taught to never ask a child why. Why in that instance is not an information seeking question. 

Combing my training of never asking a child why and dreading a child asking me why, I have long not liked why questions. I have avoided them.

This week I listened to a mindfulness that suggested learning to ask ourselves why. 

Why

Above is a link to the why mindfulness that has me reconsidering the word why and all of it's possibilities. 

Is your mind stuck?

Is something becoming repetitive in your mind?

Try a why.

When we begin to ask why we dig deeper and deeper. We ask more questions and attempt to solve and resolve.

Why am I feeling upset?

Why did that upset me?

Why couldn't I stay calm?

Why does that person get to me?

Why do I allow them to get to me?

Why should it matter what others say?

Why can I not control my thoughts?

Why can I not control my actions and reactions?

Why do I not ask for help?

Why do I not accept help?

If you listened to the quick mindfulness linked above you will know it is suggested that you ask why until you cannot ask why anymore. Ask until you have run out of whys.

Are you still stuck?

Have you emptied your mind?

Have you explored questions?

Have you figured anything out?

Could you utilize this mindfulness tool to help yourself reach out to others? Perhaps one of your why questions was asking yourself "why do I not ask for help?" Did you ask and attempt to answer? Can you now make a plan to ask for help?

Could be explore this mindfulness with students?

Can we take time to work with them and explore their whys and learn what has them stuck?

Try a WHY 

The Bigger Story

Quick Mindfulness To Start

1. What emotional energy do yo want to bring into every human interaction?

2. What ideals and principles do you hold dear?

3. What is your secret audacious aspirations for this life?

We are more than what we do in this world.

As we trudge, march, run, slow walk, and drag ourselves through these next three weeks I hope that you can take some time to remember who you really are and not just what you do.

There is always a bigger story to your life.

If you took the time to listen to the mindfulness you will notice that the three questions at the top were the questions you were asked to consider. Did you? I know I did. They seemed almost too easy to answer, however, I wonder if I live my life in such a way others might be able to guess the answers.

Can we tell what emotional energy others desire to bring into interactions with us or others?

Can we tell what ideals or principles others hold dear?

Have you ever shared your audacious aspiration with someone?

When we are struggling with a co-worker or a student it might be wise to reflect on these questions. We can ask ourselves what emotional energy we are bring to that other person. Maybe that difficult student is even more difficult to you specifically because of the emotional energy you are bringing to your interactions. 

We can also take this mindfulness and utilize as a way to get to know our students. And help our students get to know themselves. 

This mindfulness encourages us to reflect on our emotional energy and how we interact with others. Students rarely, if ever, know the emotional energy they bring into a situation.

If we can encourage our student to spend time reflecting on these questions they will gain a great insight on themselves. Then we can ask them to recognize the emotional energy others bring to interactions. 

This mindfulness is also a great for peer conflict resolution. Together students could reflect on themselves and the other person/people involved. 

Years ago when I worked in Flint doing in-home social work I worked with a gentlemen who subtlety let me know that everything about me offended him. He would make comments about people in their 20's being too young to know anything (I was in my 20s), he commented that women couldn't drive (as I drove him places because he had no transportation), he said that people without kids should never tell people with kids anything about kids (at that time in life I was childless and I was in his home because of child neglect issues and it was my job to help him work on correcting the concern) and one day he even flat out said I couldn't help him because I was white (he was black).

I talked with my supervisor about these comments and I was advised to be blunt or we weren't going to have success with his case.

I went to his home the following day and was very open with him about how his comments were preventing him from allowing me to do my job. He shared that he didn't think I would understand him because he had always been taught that white people are raised soft.

I took time to talk with him about myself, you could say that I engaged in the mindfulness we are talking about this week. I shared that ideals and principals I was raised believing and that I hold dear. After I shared he stated that he felt like we weren't so different after all.

Because I took the time my client opened up and then allowed me to help him and in the end his son was returned home.

We can find understanding with other adults, with students, and we can help students find understanding with each other. 

A seemingly simple mindfulness can help build trust, relationships, and reduce anger and misunderstandings.