Some have called it the Trojan Horse of Relationship building, others, The Franklin Effect. Either way, lets dig in and find out if we can use a simple favor to understand and maybe even build friendship/relationship.
The Franklin Effect. In case you aren't familiar, is the idea that when we ask someone to do a favor for us they are more likely to like us. Or if you flip it around, when you do not like someone, do a favor for them, you may find you like them better after the favor.
Why does this work? How does this? How can we utilize this with colleagues and students?
First lets start with some of the psychological research that has been used to understand this concept.
The website thedecisionlab.com shares that many psychologist believe that the Franklin Effect works due to what psychology has identified as cognitive dissonance. Cognitive Dissonance is the idea that our brain needs to make sense of what does not make sense. If I help someone I do not like my brain is confused and needs to make the situation make sense. Thus my brain begins to set up a scenario in which I must actually like the person I am helping. This leads to my brain finding reasons to back up this new understanding.
When our values and beliefs become misaligned our brains need justification.
The Franklin Effect can turn adversaries into allies and can be a tool for conflict resolution.
Let's break this down a little more to understand it further.
In his biography Benjamin Franklin noted that when someone has done a favor for you they are more likely to do another favor for you.
This idea works on the basis that when we do a favor for someone we get to know them better. As we get to know the person better we find things about them we appreciate, are grateful for, and may never have noticed before.
When we do a favor for another person we begin to understand that person better. We are actually taking time to get to know them.
Helping someone else can help us change our perspective of that person and then change how we interact with that person.
I am sure there are some adults in your life that come to mind when you think of utilizing this concept. But can you think of a student or two?
Ask a student to do a simple favor. Maybe that student who is always up moving you ask to pass out papers. Tell them they you really need them to help you with this favor. Providing an opportunity for your student to engage in a small act of kindness could have a profound effect on their relationship with you.
Once you begin to ask for favors and you notice the student engaging more positively, remember you too need to reciprocate. Ask the student if you can help them with (non-school work) things. Maybe you ask them if you can help with tying a shoe, zipping a coat, picking up a dropped item, etc. Be open to softening your view on the student.
When used correctly the Franklin Effect can build relationships with your students.
The Franklin Effect is counterintuitive and challenges our common assumptions. When we are open to change and improvement we can see relationships grow and thrive.
This week is a simple blog with a simple idea. A simple idea that may take a lot of courage.
Challenge yourself this week. Ask someone (you do not like or get along with) to do you a favor. Do a favor for someone (you do not like or get along with). Be open to understanding that other person. Be open to allowing that other person to know and understand you.
Can you trojan horse them? They see it a gift for them but it is really a sneak attack of relationship building for you.
