Compassion: I Care About You (this isn't about me)

 In our last post I shared about Daily Jay on the Calm App. Today I want to draw from Jay Shetty's wisdom again. If you have the app you can search for Daily Jay Compassion and you will find the March 21 Daily Jay.

This mindful meditation is a great way to kick off our month of Compassion.

Understanding compassion can help us truly cultivate compassion and practice it in our daily lives.

Compassion IS NOT the same as empathy. We need to understand the differences and why more often than not we should engage in compassion and not empathy. 

Do not get me wrong, we should not lack empathy. In psychology the lack of empathy is often seen as an indicator of a sociopathic condition. Empathy can help us build relationships and understand each other better. Utilizing empathy with others can show them that we care enough to feel with them. But feelings with others can sometimes cause more problems and we need to take a step back and create space and utilize compassion.

While empathy is, I feel with you; compassion is I feel for you and your feelings. 

German psychologist Tania Singer has engaged in extensive research on compassion and how it helps us grow our brains, heal our bodies, and create social awareness and connection. Tania talks about Brain-Body-Heart and how they are all connected.

Psychology profession Paul Bloom believes so strongly in compassion he wrote a book called Against Empathy. Paul sites compelling research by Tania Singer and others to back his idea.

Research participants in a study on compassion verses empathy were given an fMRI while being asked to engage in Compassion Mindfulness and Empathy Mindfulness. The results showed that empathy was exhausting, unpleasant, difficult and made people more likely to withdraw from helping others. On the other hand, compassion was found to be exhilarating, energizing, and created a positive experience and participants were more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors. Compassion helps us want to help others.

Another professor of psychology, David DeSteno has done research on mindful meditation and how it increases compassion.

There is a current cultural movement known as "Me Too". While it has brought things to light and created support for some, it has also created a lack of compassion for someone else's story. Research is showing that "Me Too" can hinder understanding of what others are going through. When we shift to empathy we get too close and do not listen as well. We engage in telling people our stories in response to their stories. 

A good way to engage in compassion is practicing mindful listening. To more accurately understand someone else's experiences we should not "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" but rather practice HEAR mindfulness.

H: Halt what you are doing and give your full attention

E: Enjoy a deep breath and take in what is being shared

A: Ask yourself if you understand what they are saying and ask for clarification if you do not

R: Reflect black what you heard to let them know you were listening

When I work on active listening skills with students I remind them, we listen to understand not respond.

Compassion isn't a response it is an action. I will show you I care by doing for you as I walk with you. 

As we teach compassion this month, let us practice it too.