Mindful Christmas Time

 

We are in the homestretch of school before break. We are getting ready to spend time away from work and hopefully enjoy time to rest and recharge. 

For some this season is stressful. The hustle and bustle. The gift buying. The decorating. The baking. The cooking. The cleaning for family. Family. 

For some this season is magical. The lights. The music. The decorations. The treats. The presents. The time with family.

For some this season is mixed. Stressful but also beautiful. We love seeing family. We love seeing family go home.

No matter if you love it or could leave it, you can make it more mindful.

A quick Google regarding how to make Christmas mindful will bring up several lists, tips, and ideas. I have taken the time to read many of them for you and created my own list of the best of the best ideas.

Have Yourself A Mindful Little Christmas (Holiday...Winter...etc...) 

1. Presences not Presents. Be with the ones you are with. Give them the gift of your time and attention. There is nothing worse than looking around a family/friend gathering and seeing everyone on a screen and not interacting. Teach the children in your life to unplug the device and plug into the family.

2. Start with a Stretch. Movement in the morning helps to wake the body. Stretching or an activity such as yoga helps to improve blood flow, posture, and our overall health and mood. YouTube is a great resource. The app FitOn has a lot of free videos that can help you create a morning movement routine. When holiday stress hits combat it with a good stretch.

3. See the Light and Explore Nature. After a good morning stretch take a few minutes to step outside. Research shows that getting morning light helps to balance our circadian rhythm and improve our sleep habits. There has also been some research related to morning sunlight and healthy eating habits. Morning light may be helping balance hormones. Scientists are finding that morning light helps improve hormones related to hunger and satiety (that feeling of being full). If you want to make sure you don't overeat over the holidays try taking a morning walk in the light. 

A walk outside is also a very mindful experience as you connect with the nature around you. This time of year might not be blooming with color and vibrancy but it does give us beauty. Snow glimmers, ice glitters, pine trees show us it is possible to stand tall and full through winter. Animals still scurry. And sometimes, if you catch the right time of day, you can stand still in the peace and quiet of feel the calm.

4. Hydration (like you've never thought about it before....this was a new to me!) We all know the benefits of hydration. We are doing our minds and bodies the absolute best when we ensure we are properly hydrated. But if we are honest, hydration can be a chore, boring, and the mundane. What if you set a goal with your hydration? With every cup of water you finish you take a deep breath in and sit silently taking in your surroundings. Think of a gratitude and sit with yourself. I loved this idea. Make hydration a goal for drinking water and for also taking a mindful moment of peace, calm, and gratitude.

5. Mindfully Make and Eat a Meal. Now that we have hydrated in a mindful way lets take some time to ensure our eating is not done with such gusto that we do not savor or enjoy the meal and the moment. Food can be a large part of the holiday season for many of us. In my family we start the holiday season making sugar cookies. Years ago I started a tradition of taking my grandmother's cinnamon roll recipe and making them on Christmas Eve and having them ready to bake and eat Christmas morning. I use this experience to connect to my family; those who have passed and those who I teach to bake now. Making food for the holidays can be stressful and daunting. Then everyone eats fast and often too much. Take time to enjoy the process. Start a tradition. And then take small bites and slowly eat. Taste the flavors. Savor the smells. Sit in the moment and enjoy.

6. Plan it Out. Keep a Routine. You may not want to keep that 5:00am alarm but try not to sleep until noon. Keep a similar routine helps our bodies stay happy and healthy. Research shows that we should not stray far from our wake-sleep routine. Staying within an hour or two of your normal sleep-wake schedule is good for you mental and physical health. It helps create predictability and consistency in your brain. It helps your body stay on a schedule throughout the day and creates reliability. When we sleep better we think better. With a clear mind we can create a plan for our holiday craziness. Plan ahead when and where you would like to go for the holidays. And if you don't want to plan with someone....

7. Let It Go.  You do not have to see everyone. You do not have to go everywhere. If you made a 'to-do' list and its overwhelming, pick one or two things to let go. If you just cannot make another batch of cookies (no matter how much your husband and children beg) do not feel guilty. Let it go. You do not have have to say yes. In fact, you can...

8. Say No. No I will not be making shortbread cookies, sugar cookies, snowball cookies, peanut butter cookies with the chocolate kiss in the middle. Yes this is an actual list of requested cookies from someone in my house. He will not be getting them all. I will say no. No we will not be opening the all of the gifts on Christmas Eve when grandma and grandpa come. We will only open the gifts from them. This again was a request in my house. That little cutie will learn patience. And I will continue to practice my mindful, 'No'. No helps us prioritize needs and wants. No helps us take time for self care and rest. Give 'No' a try.

9. Build the Happy Memories and make it Meaningful. I know people who do not care for the holiday season. It is mainly due to the commercialism, the money spending, and the feeling you have to buy everything for everyone. I love Christmas. I love the lights. I love the music. I love giving gifts. I love making cookies with my family. My family looks forward to sugar cookie day every December. I love making my grandma's cinnamon rolls. My older sisters have memories of baking with our grandma. I missed out so this is my way of making a memory connected to her. I also use baking to connect to my children and create memories with them. As I shared, years and years ago I asked my mom to teach me my grandma's recipe. I asked to make them for Christmas. This started a tradition of making them every Christmas in our home. Now that we are all grown and out of our parents home my siblings and I still make cinnamon rolls every Christmas morning. Make a memory to share. Make the season meaningful. Start a tradition of decorating a tree while listening to Christmas music and sipping hot cocoa. Ask your family if they want to drive around and look at lights. If we are ready early in the morning we take the long way around our neighborhood and look at Christmas lights. Leila and I love starting our mornings with some Christmas cheer. When we find the meaning and create the memory our minds and bodies find a sense of safety and calm.

10. Rest and Recharge. When all is said and done, relax. Clean up and then sit down. You need to rest. Do not start another to-do list. Do not start a new project. Relax. Turn on your favorite movie. Turn on a really good song. Pop some popcorn. Grab the chocolate. Read a book. Sit in silence. What recharges you? How do you get the best rest? Find your way and practice it. You need it. You deserve it. Do it.

Monk Life

Could you live like a monk??

Professor Justin McDonald at the University of Pennsylvania teaches a course on deliberately living. It is fondly called "Monk Class" and has a wait list of 300 people. In this class Professor McDonald asks his students to give up electronics for 30 days. He says this is not to isolate his students but to give them a small glimpse of monk life, to help them learn to live a more mindful life.

In a recent CNBC article McDonald shared three tenants to try if you would like to live a more deliberate life.

First, just as he asks his students to do, he encourages us to try a digital cleanse. Unlike his students he is not asking us to go 30 days but rather 7. 

It was reported that in a small randomized trial, participants who took a week break from screens showed reduced levels of depression and anxiety.

A study published in the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking also reported that reduced screen time increases sleep quality and overall well-being.

The second thing McDonald shared was the idea of Single Tasking.

This is the idea that we should not multitask, especially if one of the tasks we included is a screen.

Engaging in one thing at a time is the best way to stay present. It also helps us notice our surroundings and thoughts.

A 2019 study out of Stanford University found that those who divided their time between work and multimedia (such as a streaming app like Netflix) had a shorter attention span and memory.   

If you search back in a past blog you will find a graphic that shows due to smartphone humans now have an attention span shorter than a goldfish. 

McDonald tells us that we should learn to be bored and learn to sit with our feelings. He wants us to know how to sit with loneliness, anger, and sadness. He goes on to say that we need to be able to do this without crowdsourcing our feelings to friends (co-workers, partners, teachers, etc.).

What might it look like if we taught our students to sit with their feelings? As we have reviewed before; feelings are not right or wrong and they are not good or bad. Teaching ourselves and our students to sit with feelings will help them and us learn to handle them better, on our own. 

Lastly, McDonald wants us to "Do Nothing."

McDonald uses a Dutch concept "Niksen" which he shares means "to do nothing" and is used to combat burnout and stress. 

McDonald and his family engage in this practice daily. He has his family take 30 minutes a day to sit or take a walk without watching or listening to anything. They simply take time to sit with themselves and be. It is an intentional practice of doing nothing to be present in the moment with ones thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. 

Engaging in a practice such as this helps one to understand and better navigate their emotions. Take time to be with your own thoughts, rants, heartbeat, and feelings; and do so without judgement. McDonald tells us that we can listen without having to solve, just be with, what is going on in our life and mind. 

Perhaps over the upcoming break you can give yourself the gift of better mental health, increased attention span, and better quality if sleep. Take a week to practice these three "monk life" principals from professor McDonald.

What might you gain from trying? 

Living more intentionally and more mindfully is just a few steps away.

Choose Your Own Adventure

 "Emotions are a choose your own adventure book."- Mason, 3rd grade

This quote from my friend Mason came after a discussion on emotions. I shared that emotions are right or wrong. Emotion are good or bad. They exist for a purpose. We can choose to learn the purpose and grow or we can get stuck in the emotion. I also shared with him that it is how we handle our emotions that matter. We can choose to learn how to handle our emotions or we can choose to let our emotions run wildly with of control.

Mason took time to take it all in and think about what this meant to him. He then shared that it was like reading a choose your own adventure book. No path in the book is wrong, but you usually enjoy one ending more than another.

I love this! I asked him if I could quote him and use this with others. He gave me full permission to share. He even asks from time to time if I have shared it yet. Please, after reading this blog let Mason know what you think of his emotions quote. It will be just the boost of confidence he might need that day.

Awhile back on my social media I shared someone else's thoughts on emotions. This one is more on the silly side. 

 Listen to this guy share a little more about Emotion Farts

I love how we can look at emotions and learn from them. We can get creative when we talk to our students about their emotions. We need to be brave and dive into emotions with our students. And with ourselves. Maybe this blog is for you. Maybe you are struggling with accepting an emotion. Maybe you have yet to figure out the healthiest way to let out an emotion. 

Gottman is here to help us again this week. This graphic helps us break down a mindful way to accept, process, learn about and learn from an emotion; as well as learning to let go of what does not serve our greater mental wellbeing.

We can use Gottman's 6 steps, Emotional Fart wisdom, and the amazing insight of Mason to help us create a mindfulness around emotions.

I encourage you to take time this December (and all year through) to sit with an emotion. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, hold, and slowly let go. 

Feel where in your body the emotion is taking up residence. Are you feeling tension in your neck, shoulders, or back? Do you eyes hurt? Are you sensitive to sound? Is it hard to breathe? Are you clenching your jaw? 

Label the emotion. In psychology this is call "Name It to Tame It." 

Accept that this emotion is real and necessary. It has a purpose. 

Investigate. Explore. Understand. When did this emotion start? What brought it about (triggered it)? 

Do you need to let this emotion go? Is it teaching you something? 

Let it go (if needed) and always let it out(in a healthy way)... but remember our lessons. You might not like the ending of your adventure if you choose to let the emotion go in an unhealthy way. It might get messy if you let a feeling out too aggressively. 

Practice your emotion mindfulness. Enjoy the adventure.  

Repair and Rebuild Relationships

15 Seconds to Change a Relationship 

Are you struggling to reconnect with a student after a rupture? It is not easy to set aside pride and admit we could do things better. But we can do it. And we should do it.

The last time you had a student explode, did you explode too? What might it look like after if you repaired the relationship by naming how you could (and will) do better next time?

The video I included above is from the Instagram page of Dr. Becky Kennedy. While she talks to us from a parent point of view we can easily translate that into an education setting. 

Taking time to let a student know that your anger at a situation might have scared them and they had the right to that feeling is a start. To continue on saying that the anger outburst was not their fault is the next step. And closing out with letting them you are working to reduce your reactivity is key.

Take a look at this next graphic...

I've pulled out a few that I really liked and wanted to share.

Sorry

2.  I really blew that one.

6. I can see my part in all this.

8. Let's try that one over again.

I Appreciate

2. My part of this problem is...

3. I see your point.

Get to Yes

2. I agree with part of what you are saying.

5. I never thought of it that way.

The repair tool comes from Gottman who is an American Psychologist who focuses on relationship. While his main focus is romantic relationships we can translate it to any relationship.

If we can mindfully take the month of December to look at how we address concerns we can choose to repair relationships as needed.

What might it look like to welcome a student back with repair after they have had a time out of class? Could you take the time to let them know that you want to understand, help, and address your own part in what happened?

Mindfulness can be a great tool to help you prepare to repair. Mindfulness helps us see things as they are in a non-judgmental way. 

Mindfulness teaches us that emotions exist, are valid, and need to be understood not dismissed.

When we need to repair with a student it would be best to be mindful first. Take a few minutes to prepare with a sense of calm and understanding.

Think about your classroom culture and what role you play. Are you part of the storm or are you the lighthouse quietly showing the way to safety? 

Use the advice of Dr. Becky Kennedy and Dr. Gottman to help you repair, rebuild, or start to build a new relationship with a student.