Repair and Rebuild Relationships

15 Seconds to Change a Relationship 

Are you struggling to reconnect with a student after a rupture? It is not easy to set aside pride and admit we could do things better. But we can do it. And we should do it.

The last time you had a student explode, did you explode too? What might it look like after if you repaired the relationship by naming how you could (and will) do better next time?

The video I included above is from the Instagram page of Dr. Becky Kennedy. While she talks to us from a parent point of view we can easily translate that into an education setting. 

Taking time to let a student know that your anger at a situation might have scared them and they had the right to that feeling is a start. To continue on saying that the anger outburst was not their fault is the next step. And closing out with letting them you are working to reduce your reactivity is key.

Take a look at this next graphic...

I've pulled out a few that I really liked and wanted to share.

Sorry

2.  I really blew that one.

6. I can see my part in all this.

8. Let's try that one over again.

I Appreciate

2. My part of this problem is...

3. I see your point.

Get to Yes

2. I agree with part of what you are saying.

5. I never thought of it that way.

The repair tool comes from Gottman who is an American Psychologist who focuses on relationship. While his main focus is romantic relationships we can translate it to any relationship.

If we can mindfully take the month of December to look at how we address concerns we can choose to repair relationships as needed.

What might it look like to welcome a student back with repair after they have had a time out of class? Could you take the time to let them know that you want to understand, help, and address your own part in what happened?

Mindfulness can be a great tool to help you prepare to repair. Mindfulness helps us see things as they are in a non-judgmental way. 

Mindfulness teaches us that emotions exist, are valid, and need to be understood not dismissed.

When we need to repair with a student it would be best to be mindful first. Take a few minutes to prepare with a sense of calm and understanding.

Think about your classroom culture and what role you play. Are you part of the storm or are you the lighthouse quietly showing the way to safety? 

Use the advice of Dr. Becky Kennedy and Dr. Gottman to help you repair, rebuild, or start to build a new relationship with a student.