You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile

I have always loved musicals. I grew up watching The Sound of Music, Grease, Meet Me in St. Louis, The King and I, The Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins, Annie, and many more. I enjoyed them all, I still do. But my favorite was always Annie. 

In Annie there is a scene where the orphan girls are listening to the radio, a song comes on and they all begin singing. The song is You're Never Fully Dressed without a Smile. 

The song talks about how it doesn't matter who you are or how you dress, in fact we are told that the only thing that matters is if you have a smile on your face. This was true when Annie first made an appearance and it is still true today.

Incase you were wondering the history of Annie (I found it fascinating), I did some deep diving for us all. Annie first started as a poem in 1885, then began a comic strip in 1924, a radio play in the 1930's, it was first a film in 1932, and finally hit Broadway as a musical in 1977.

I did the research on Annie because I wanted to see when we first have the little girls sing along telling us to always wear a smile. 

You may wonder why or how this applies to school, mindfulness, and you. We are getting there, I promise.

November 13th's Daily Jay on the Calm app was simply titled Smile. Jay talked about bring a smile to a moment and genuinely feeling the smile. Jay shared wisdom regarding the benefits of a smile. As his daily mindfulness often does, Jay had me thinking and researching.

Smiling is not a learned behavior. It is biological and can be seen on babies in the womb.   

Smiling is a form of communication and can mean different things at different times. Not every smile is of happiness. Some smiles could be a related to; embarrassment, anger, fear, or even forced. Psychologist believe that their about 15 different types of smiles.

The French anatomist Duchenne discovered that a smile which includes the eyes is the product of a genuine positive emotion. They call this smile the Ducheene Smile. So the next time you observed someone's whole face to be smiling, mouth and eyes, remember that it is a smile of pure happiness.

Why should we care so much about smiling? There may be times where you just do not feel like smiling. That's understandable. However, there are times where bringing a smile to a situation can benefit you and others.

Studies are finding that smiling makes you feel better. A smile can help increase your mood enhancing hormones and decrease stress hormones. 

As we increase the positive hormones we can see a drop in blood pressure, a lower rate of illness and infection, lower rates of cancer, and a decreased rate of early death.

Smiling can help you live longer.

Smiling is linked to optimism. The more you smile the better life becomes.

Below is a quick smiling affirmation. It could be a quick mindfulness for yourself or your students.

Here is another thought on smiling.

One last link. A mindfulness that walks you through using the word SMILE. Try it today and see if you smile during and/or after.

Remember to try on a smile today. Afterall, you're never fully dressed without a smile. 

 

That's A Hard Pass...

You are worth a "No."

In a 2023 paper, psychologist and researchers; Peter Muris and Henry Otgaer shared that when we consistently say 'yes' to others we are signaling to the self that our time, energy, and needs are expendable. 

When we say 'yes' to everything we are saying that our time, needs, and energy are less important than those of others.

Learning to say 'no' is a declaration of self-worth.

Learning to say 'no' is a topic we have reviewed a couple of years back. But it is worth a refresh for all of us, me included.

November is a great time to practice the appropriate time and place for the word 'no'. 

Learning to say no can help us set healthy boundaries. This time of year, as we enter the holiday season we would benefit from practicing some well placed 'no' responses. 

Remember, you are not responsible for the happiness of others. While you can contribute positivity, it is not your job to ensure others are happy. Not every dish has to been made for Thanksgiving. Not every toy has to be purchased for Christmas. Not every person needs to be invited to your house. And you do not have to attend a holiday gathering that drains you, makes you uncomfortable, or you simply just do not want to attend.

In an article on PostivePsychology.com Laura Coply, Ph D shares with us How to Say No & And Master the Art of Personal Freedom.

Dr. Coply shares that learning to say 'no' is not merely an act of self-preservation but also a way to recognize that this is a skill we owe ourselves. 

Saying 'no' is not an easy task. We may not always know how to say it without hurting others. However, doing so can ensuring that we are true to our needs. 

Saying 'yes' often feels like the social expectation and if we dare to say 'no' we feel the heavy weight of guilt.  Ask yourself, Am I saying yes out of a place of fear? Are you afraid of the reaction you may get if you say 'no'? Remember, their reaction is not your responsibility. Your well-being is your responsibility. 

The more you say 'no' with purpose the better boundaries you will set. 

People will learn to know when you can help and when you need help.

Learning to say 'no' is also a good way to build self-confidence and self-esteem. You are prioritizing you and your mental health. You are standing up strong for you.

Your willingness to set boundaries may also encourage others to set their own.

As we learn to say 'no' we can begin to ask ourselves if we ask or demand too much from others. Are we asking others to say 'yes' and creating social pressure and expectations? 

It is important to remember that as we say 'no' we too may begin hearing more nos. This is not a bad thing. Remember we are all trying to work on setting healthy boundaries.

In an attempt to help us on our healthy boundary journey to use 'no' appropriately I decided to take some time to see what AI might say. I asked Chatgpt to share "creative ways to say no." Below is the list provided.

Playful or Humorous:

1. "Not in this lifetime!"
2. "My crystal ball says... 'Nope!'"
3. "That's a hard pass, but thanks for asking!"
4. "I’m going to have to give that a rain check... indefinitely."
5. "Not today, Satan!"

Light and Polite:

1. "I’m going to have to bow out this time."
2. "I wish I could, but it’s just not in the cards for me right now."
3. "That sounds awesome, but I’m going to pass this time."
4. "I’ll have to sit this one out, but thanks for thinking of me!"
5. "I’m going to have to say no, but I appreciate the offer."

Firm but Kind:

1. "I’m going to have to decline respectfully."
2. "That doesn’t quite work for me at the moment."
3. "Unfortunately, that’s not something I can commit to right now."
4. "I appreciate the invitation, but I have to say no."
5. "That’s not something I can take on right now, but thank you."

Self-Care Focused:

1. "I'm on a self-care mission today, so I’ll have to pass."
2. "I’m prioritizing my own time right now, but thanks for understanding."
3. "I’m currently on a ‘no’ streak – need to recharge!"
4. "I’m in a ‘me-time’ mode, so I can’t take that on right now."
5. "My mental bandwidth is maxed out at the moment, but I really appreciate it!"

In a Work Context:

1. "I’ll have to pass on this one due to my current workload."
2. "I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now, but thank you for considering me."
3. "This isn’t something I can commit to with my current priorities."
4. "That doesn’t align with my current goals, but I appreciate the offer!"
5. "I’m focused on a few other projects right now, so I’ll have to pass."

Witty or Sarcastic (for close friends):

1. "No can do, my schedule is already booked with Netflix."
2. "I would love to, but my couch is calling my name."
3. "If only I had a clone... but unfortunately, it’s just me."
4. "I’m currently accepting requests for ‘no’ only."
5. "I’d love to, but I’ve just made plans with my bed for the evening."

------------------

After reading these responses I decided to ask Chatgpt for "mindful ways to say no." 

1. Express Gratitude First

"Thank you so much for thinking of me. I really appreciate the offer, but I need to decline this time."

2. Acknowledge the Request

"I can see why you’d want me to do that, and it sounds like an interesting opportunity. However, I need to say no right now to honor my own limits."

3. Set Boundaries with Kindness

"I’ve been reflecting on my priorities lately, and I need to honor my time and energy. As much as I would like to help, I have to say no this time."

4. Be Honest but Gentle

"I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed, and I need to take care of my own well-being right now. I hope you understand."

5. Offer a Brief Explanation (If Appropriate)

"At this moment, I don’t have the capacity to take on anything new, but I’m grateful you thought of me."

6. Empathize with Their Position

"I understand this may be disappointing, and I’m really sorry to let you down. However, I need to say no in order to protect my time and energy."

7. Use Mindful Language

"I’ve taken a moment to check in with myself, and I realize that I need to decline this request in order to stay balanced."

8. Reaffirm Your Relationship

"I value our connection and appreciate you asking, but I’m unable to help right now. I hope you understand."

9. Be Direct but Warm

"I’ve thought about it, and I need to say no. It’s important for me to stay true to my needs at this time."

10. Focus on the Positive

"I’m not able to take this on, but I hope you find the right person who can help you!"

My hope is that you take some time to find your way to say 'no' when it is needed. Remember, You are worth the word "No."

 

Find Your Calm

Telling someone to just calm down, doesn't work, they need a how to calm down technique. We all need a how to, we aren't Nike, we can't, Just Do It.

Before I share a fun and quick way to teach our students how to calm down let's take a moment to understand a few whys. 

In a quick read on beingwell.yale.edu we can learn that finding our calm can help with our heart health. This is something we all need, not just adults. We have students who might be dealing with health issues which are heart related. 

Finding calm can also help reduce muscle tension and elevate stress. Calm helps us avoid depression, anxiety, and even obesity. If we think about our students, they often tell us they spend all of their free time on games and eating junk food. With each passing year childhood obesity rates increase.

Calmness can also help improve our brain function and memory. These are key in a school setting, don't you think?

While Yale gives us a compelling list, there is still more. 

Mayoclinic.org also has shared a list of research based reasons to find your calm.

The Mayo Clinic has shared that finding calm can:

-Slow our heart rate

-Lower our blood pressure

-Improve our digestion

-Slow our breathing

-Control our blood sugar levels

-Lessen the activity of stress hormones

-Increase blood flow to major muscles

-Lessen muscle tension and chronic pain

-Improve mood

-Improve the quality of our sleep

-Lower fatigue

-Lessen anger and frustration (do you know how many times a day a young student tells me they have anger issues ....TOO MANY.... it's not issues with anger they have, it's lack of skills to calm the anger)

-Boost confidence to handle problems (we all could use more confidence, especially our students, they need to be shown how to build confidence in themselves).

Now that we have a significant list of reasons why we should practice finding calm lets begin to explore the how.

Below is a picture I found this past weekend and loved it. 

This is a great way to teach our students (and ourselves) how to calm down. It involves breathing and utilizing imagery of things that comfort us, make us happy, and help us feel calm.  We can take time to make a calm palm  with our students and then refer back to it anytime there is a need for a refresh.

What might your calm palm look like?

-books

-movies

-podcasts

-tiktok

-family

-friends

-hobbies

-chocolate 

-French fries 

-pets

-outdoors

-sleep

This mindfulness activity is a great opportunity to get to know what things your students find calming. This is a great way to connect and build relationships while building a resource and supporting a calm student and calm classroom.

Once you have created the Calm Palm, you can use it to take deep breaths in and out.  As a student (or you) breaths in you move your finger along a line and land on a item of comfort. I like to pause the breathe and hold the image in my mind. Then I move down the next line and slowly breathe out. This is repeated on all five fingers (or 10 if you have done both hands).

I hope this calming technique helps in your calm journey.

Here is another way to find some calm, come to my office (Nov 11-15) and grab a treat in honor or November 13th, World Kindness Day.