That's A Hard Pass...

You are worth a "No."

In a 2023 paper, psychologist and researchers; Peter Muris and Henry Otgaer shared that when we consistently say 'yes' to others we are signaling to the self that our time, energy, and needs are expendable. 

When we say 'yes' to everything we are saying that our time, needs, and energy are less important than those of others.

Learning to say 'no' is a declaration of self-worth.

Learning to say 'no' is a topic we have reviewed a couple of years back. But it is worth a refresh for all of us, me included.

November is a great time to practice the appropriate time and place for the word 'no'. 

Learning to say no can help us set healthy boundaries. This time of year, as we enter the holiday season we would benefit from practicing some well placed 'no' responses. 

Remember, you are not responsible for the happiness of others. While you can contribute positivity, it is not your job to ensure others are happy. Not every dish has to been made for Thanksgiving. Not every toy has to be purchased for Christmas. Not every person needs to be invited to your house. And you do not have to attend a holiday gathering that drains you, makes you uncomfortable, or you simply just do not want to attend.

In an article on PostivePsychology.com Laura Coply, Ph D shares with us How to Say No & And Master the Art of Personal Freedom.

Dr. Coply shares that learning to say 'no' is not merely an act of self-preservation but also a way to recognize that this is a skill we owe ourselves. 

Saying 'no' is not an easy task. We may not always know how to say it without hurting others. However, doing so can ensuring that we are true to our needs. 

Saying 'yes' often feels like the social expectation and if we dare to say 'no' we feel the heavy weight of guilt.  Ask yourself, Am I saying yes out of a place of fear? Are you afraid of the reaction you may get if you say 'no'? Remember, their reaction is not your responsibility. Your well-being is your responsibility. 

The more you say 'no' with purpose the better boundaries you will set. 

People will learn to know when you can help and when you need help.

Learning to say 'no' is also a good way to build self-confidence and self-esteem. You are prioritizing you and your mental health. You are standing up strong for you.

Your willingness to set boundaries may also encourage others to set their own.

As we learn to say 'no' we can begin to ask ourselves if we ask or demand too much from others. Are we asking others to say 'yes' and creating social pressure and expectations? 

It is important to remember that as we say 'no' we too may begin hearing more nos. This is not a bad thing. Remember we are all trying to work on setting healthy boundaries.

In an attempt to help us on our healthy boundary journey to use 'no' appropriately I decided to take some time to see what AI might say. I asked Chatgpt to share "creative ways to say no." Below is the list provided.

Playful or Humorous:

1. "Not in this lifetime!"
2. "My crystal ball says... 'Nope!'"
3. "That's a hard pass, but thanks for asking!"
4. "I’m going to have to give that a rain check... indefinitely."
5. "Not today, Satan!"

Light and Polite:

1. "I’m going to have to bow out this time."
2. "I wish I could, but it’s just not in the cards for me right now."
3. "That sounds awesome, but I’m going to pass this time."
4. "I’ll have to sit this one out, but thanks for thinking of me!"
5. "I’m going to have to say no, but I appreciate the offer."

Firm but Kind:

1. "I’m going to have to decline respectfully."
2. "That doesn’t quite work for me at the moment."
3. "Unfortunately, that’s not something I can commit to right now."
4. "I appreciate the invitation, but I have to say no."
5. "That’s not something I can take on right now, but thank you."

Self-Care Focused:

1. "I'm on a self-care mission today, so I’ll have to pass."
2. "I’m prioritizing my own time right now, but thanks for understanding."
3. "I’m currently on a ‘no’ streak – need to recharge!"
4. "I’m in a ‘me-time’ mode, so I can’t take that on right now."
5. "My mental bandwidth is maxed out at the moment, but I really appreciate it!"

In a Work Context:

1. "I’ll have to pass on this one due to my current workload."
2. "I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now, but thank you for considering me."
3. "This isn’t something I can commit to with my current priorities."
4. "That doesn’t align with my current goals, but I appreciate the offer!"
5. "I’m focused on a few other projects right now, so I’ll have to pass."

Witty or Sarcastic (for close friends):

1. "No can do, my schedule is already booked with Netflix."
2. "I would love to, but my couch is calling my name."
3. "If only I had a clone... but unfortunately, it’s just me."
4. "I’m currently accepting requests for ‘no’ only."
5. "I’d love to, but I’ve just made plans with my bed for the evening."

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After reading these responses I decided to ask Chatgpt for "mindful ways to say no." 

1. Express Gratitude First

"Thank you so much for thinking of me. I really appreciate the offer, but I need to decline this time."

2. Acknowledge the Request

"I can see why you’d want me to do that, and it sounds like an interesting opportunity. However, I need to say no right now to honor my own limits."

3. Set Boundaries with Kindness

"I’ve been reflecting on my priorities lately, and I need to honor my time and energy. As much as I would like to help, I have to say no this time."

4. Be Honest but Gentle

"I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed, and I need to take care of my own well-being right now. I hope you understand."

5. Offer a Brief Explanation (If Appropriate)

"At this moment, I don’t have the capacity to take on anything new, but I’m grateful you thought of me."

6. Empathize with Their Position

"I understand this may be disappointing, and I’m really sorry to let you down. However, I need to say no in order to protect my time and energy."

7. Use Mindful Language

"I’ve taken a moment to check in with myself, and I realize that I need to decline this request in order to stay balanced."

8. Reaffirm Your Relationship

"I value our connection and appreciate you asking, but I’m unable to help right now. I hope you understand."

9. Be Direct but Warm

"I’ve thought about it, and I need to say no. It’s important for me to stay true to my needs at this time."

10. Focus on the Positive

"I’m not able to take this on, but I hope you find the right person who can help you!"

My hope is that you take some time to find your way to say 'no' when it is needed. Remember, You are worth the word "No."