"Manage your emotions before they manage you."-Dr. Sue Varma
Dr. Varma is a psychiatrist who has treated patients who were near and effected by the tragedies of 9/11. Through her work and research Dr. Varma has written a book Practical Optimism. This week we will explore some of her wisdom.
80% of people will experience a life threatening situation. Only 8% of people will ever meet the criteria for PTSD.
Optimist and pessimist experience the same amount of adversity. Optimists are better equipped to handle situations. Studies show that it takes more effort to suppress an emotion rather than express it. When you suppress your emotions your body will express what your mind cannot.
You may have heard that when it comes to emotions we need to "name it to tame it" Dr. Varma expands this to help us begin to explore and practice Practical Optimism.
Dr. Varma tells us to:
Name it
Claim it
Tame it
Reframe it
Name it: Naming the feeling and naming its origin. This is tying a feeling back to a specific event.
Claim it: Where in the body do you feel it? This again is that idea that the body expresses what the mind cannot. Claiming emotions helps us with our "forbidden" emotions. These emotions are the ones we feel we cannot express due to fear of what might happen.
Statistically 85% of the time the things we worry about never actually happen. The other 15% of the time we are better equipped to handle it than we think.
Tame it: Taming our Ruminative Loops. Ruminative loops are repeating the same emotions over and over. It's the what ifs and catastrophizing. Taming is about soothing. Soothing should not create a negative habit, which means we should not be utilizing alcohol as a soother. We should make a five minute phone call to a friend. Text someone who will be supportive. Walking. This one is amazing because it can get you out of your own head and the science behind what our eyes have to do to keep us balanced as we walk is another way our bodies work on calming and taming.
We can also take time to journal or meditate. Taming our emotions is the perfect time to utilize our mindfulness practice.
Reframe it: We take back control. We say that we are not going to let this control or debilitate us. Look at the situation from someone else's point of view.
Dr. Varma, used this when working with 9/11 victims. She shares that the reframing process is a powerful technique often used in trauma processing.
We can ask "Is this a problem to be solved or accepted?"
Not everyone is born an optimist, but everyone can work toward becoming a practical optimist. It's about brain training and working forward.
Practical optimism is not always looking on the sunny side of a situation.
We cannot fake it till you make it, Dr. Varma reminds us that we need to do the work.
Practical optimism is a practice of gratitude to give ourselves the grace to be where we are at in our current lives.
As we keep pushing forward toward the end of the school year it seems that the observed behaviors are big, loud, and disruptive. What might our students be expressing with their behaviors? Maybe they are suppressing more forbidden emotions. And now their bodies are expressing what their minds cannot.
We need to ensure that we are working on our outlook to become better equipped to help our students handle what may come.
Do the work for you and you will be able to help your students do the work too.
If you would like to hear more on this topic look up The Happiness Lab podcast and listen to the episode with Dr. Varma.
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