I stumbled across Ryan Dunlap's videos this week and I am hooked. Ryan is a conflict strategist and he has a lot of good insight for us to reflect on.
The first video I have included is the first video I found. I liked the idea of call people Up not Out. Reminding ourselves, our coworkers, and especially our students that we know they can do better, we have seen them do better, and we expect better. This is so much more effective than to point out the wrong choices over and over again. Our brains already focus on the negative, they do not need more help being negative. Our brains need just the opposite, they need someone to point out and reflect on the positive.
The next time you have a student act out, instead of jumping to "why would you do that?" try, "I know that you can sit down, I've seen you sit quietly yesterday, can we try it again today, your current behavior confuses me and I feel sad when you make poor choices."
The second video is about anger.
This time of year students who may know the holiday season will not be a happy one may begin to present as angry.
I often have students try to tell me that they did their actions because of their "anger issues." I stop that runaway train thought and bring it back to what else is going on. This is what Ryan does with his explanation of anger.
Ryan explains that anger is a secondary emotion. I love his analogy of it being the fruit not the root. Your anger isn't anchoring you but rather it is the product of something else going on in your life. What is another good reason why you are feeling this way. He tells us to ask ourselves is it hurt we are really feeling; is it fear, or something else that is now coming out as anger.
AN another G good R reason Y why
What is another good reason I am feeling angry? What else happened? What is going on inside?
I feel that as we navigate these next couple of weeks before break it is a great idea to reflect on the ways we can support our students.
Can we help them explore what feelings are under the anger they are displaying?
Can we help them control their actions by calling them up and not out?
