Joy For Others

 Schadenfredue is a word used in German to describe the feeling of joy in others misfortune.

Envy is wanting the joy and fortune of others.

Freudenfreude is the joy in the good fortune and joy of others.

Mudita in Buddhism is the unselfish, appreciative, sympathetic joy in others joy.

Where are you on our joy scale?

---Schadenfredue---Envy---Freudenfreude---Mudita---

At various times in our lives we may find there is not much joy. When this happens we become defensive of our feelings of sadness, loneliness, and feeling left out of joy we notice others are experiencing. We even begin to become envious of others joy and then become upset and angry with them for displaying joy. We may even want to find a way to stop their joy, are at least stop them from showing joy when we are around.

During the holiday season these feelings can grow. We want the gift someone else received. We envy the holiday outfit. We want the their holiday treats. We become annoyed with the joy they display that we do not feel. We become the Grinch.

We do not have to be the Grinch. We can utilize psychology and train our brains to seek out joy in others and celebrate that joy.

In a recent Psychology Today article the idea of cultivating joy in others joy was discussed. The author talked about missing out last month when the Northern Lights were visible. She spoke on feeling envy as she scrolled social media and saw pictures and posts. Then she came across a post where someone shared that their 92-year-old neighbor saw the lights for the first time in her life. The envy slid away and was replaced with spontaneous joy. She felt such a great joy for this older woman that her envy no longer mattered.

Envy is a normal human emotion. Our brains are drawn to comparison. We have to look for and find joyful things to pull us from envy to joy for others joy.

Studies show that appreciative joy is related to increased subjective well-being. People who take time to find joy in others joy report increased feelings of cooperation, altruism, and reduced envy.

In today's society social media drives social comparison. Social comparison diminishes how we see our own lives, our own success, and creates a situation where we under value our lives. We begin to underappreciate ourselves due to the envy we feel toward others. 

There is a mindfulness we can engage in to help us not simply feel joy for others at random but rather help us seek out joy and actively engage in freudenfreude and mudita.

Each day hold space for joy.

Make it a goal to begin looking around you to find joy. People watch. Engage more with others. Ask questions and listen. Be attentive to others joy.

Express the joy out loud. It might be directly to the person you are joyful for or it might be to yourself when you observe a scene of joy. 

Look for the evidence of joy and express the gratitude that you were able to see it or hear about it. Be present and grateful for being included in the joyful moment.

Spread the joy. Share with others what you observed or heard about. Keep the joy flowing. 

Be grateful that others have the opportunity to experience joy. Be joyful toward them and for them. Truly experience the awe of their joy.

Did someone finally get that amazing gift they have always wanted?

Did someone show a photo of a new pet?

Is someone planning an amazing trip?

Can you hold space in your day to experience joy for them and with them? Be joyful in a way that shows others that you want them to be happy and have joy. 

Don't let your envy steal the joy of others. Take time to bask in the glow of the joy others are experiencing. Be joyful. It's good for your brain. 

The more you practice this mindfulness the better you will become at it and you will enjoy the feeling of joy for others. 

It's the Most Mindful Time of the Year....at least it should be

As the holiday break approaches we may see more behaviors that are disruptive. Our students may not be equipped to process all of their emotions. In the past we have explored the neuro science of emotions. We have talked about the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala. We all know by now that the prefrontal cortex continues to develop until around the age 25. The prefrontal cortex is our wise choices brain. It is that part of our brain that tells us to stop, don't do that! Just because it isn't fully developed doesn't mean we cannot help our students strength and grow the prefrontal cortex. That's where mindfulness comes in.

The holiday season can create opportunities for connections, love, and fun. This time of year can also create opportunities for sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, and general bah humbug. 

We can utilize mindful mediation to calm the brain and bring small moments of peace and understanding.

This week I wanted to link a past blog that can help guide us through the season. I also wanted to share a video on the science behind mediation and the brain.

Previous Christmas Blog

If you haven't started Inner Explorer with your students now is the time. Give it a go. Take 5-10 minutes a day to engage in mindfulness with your students. Listen, engage, and reflect. This will help your students. This will help you.

This time of year is not all lights, love, and laughter. We all need a few minutes a day to calm down, reset, and promote brain health.

Take a few minutes today to engage in mindfulness. 

Remember to support yourself and your students through the holiday season in a mindful way.

Calling You Up to Your Best

I stumbled across Ryan Dunlap's videos this week and I am hooked. Ryan is a conflict strategist and he has a lot of good insight for us to reflect on.

The first video I have included is the first video I found. I liked the idea of call people Up not Out. Reminding ourselves, our coworkers, and especially our students that we know they can do better, we have seen them do better, and we expect better. This is so much more effective than to point out the wrong choices over and over again. Our brains already focus on the negative, they do not need more help being negative. Our brains need just the opposite, they need someone to point out and reflect on the positive. 

The next time you have a student act out, instead of jumping to "why would you do that?" try, "I know that you can sit down, I've seen you sit quietly yesterday, can we try it again today, your current behavior confuses me and I feel sad when you make poor choices."

The second video is about anger. 

This time of year students who may know the holiday season will not be a happy one may begin to present as angry. 

I often have students try to tell me that they did their actions because of their "anger issues." I stop that runaway train thought and bring it back to what else is going on. This is what Ryan does with his explanation of anger.

Ryan explains that anger is a secondary emotion. I love his analogy of it being the fruit not the root. Your anger isn't anchoring you but rather it is the product of something else going on in your life. What is another good reason why you are feeling this way. He tells us to ask ourselves is it hurt we are really feeling; is it fear, or something else that is now coming out as anger.

AN another G good R reason Y why

What is another good reason I am feeling angry? What else happened? What is going on inside?

I feel that as we navigate these next couple of weeks before break it is a great idea to reflect on the ways we can support our students. 

Can we help them explore what feelings are under the anger they are displaying? 

Can we help them control their actions by calling them up and not out?