Joy For Others

 Schadenfredue is a word used in German to describe the feeling of joy in others misfortune.

Envy is wanting the joy and fortune of others.

Freudenfreude is the joy in the good fortune and joy of others.

Mudita in Buddhism is the unselfish, appreciative, sympathetic joy in others joy.

Where are you on our joy scale?

---Schadenfredue---Envy---Freudenfreude---Mudita---

At various times in our lives we may find there is not much joy. When this happens we become defensive of our feelings of sadness, loneliness, and feeling left out of joy we notice others are experiencing. We even begin to become envious of others joy and then become upset and angry with them for displaying joy. We may even want to find a way to stop their joy, are at least stop them from showing joy when we are around.

During the holiday season these feelings can grow. We want the gift someone else received. We envy the holiday outfit. We want the their holiday treats. We become annoyed with the joy they display that we do not feel. We become the Grinch.

We do not have to be the Grinch. We can utilize psychology and train our brains to seek out joy in others and celebrate that joy.

In a recent Psychology Today article the idea of cultivating joy in others joy was discussed. The author talked about missing out last month when the Northern Lights were visible. She spoke on feeling envy as she scrolled social media and saw pictures and posts. Then she came across a post where someone shared that their 92-year-old neighbor saw the lights for the first time in her life. The envy slid away and was replaced with spontaneous joy. She felt such a great joy for this older woman that her envy no longer mattered.

Envy is a normal human emotion. Our brains are drawn to comparison. We have to look for and find joyful things to pull us from envy to joy for others joy.

Studies show that appreciative joy is related to increased subjective well-being. People who take time to find joy in others joy report increased feelings of cooperation, altruism, and reduced envy.

In today's society social media drives social comparison. Social comparison diminishes how we see our own lives, our own success, and creates a situation where we under value our lives. We begin to underappreciate ourselves due to the envy we feel toward others. 

There is a mindfulness we can engage in to help us not simply feel joy for others at random but rather help us seek out joy and actively engage in freudenfreude and mudita.

Each day hold space for joy.

Make it a goal to begin looking around you to find joy. People watch. Engage more with others. Ask questions and listen. Be attentive to others joy.

Express the joy out loud. It might be directly to the person you are joyful for or it might be to yourself when you observe a scene of joy. 

Look for the evidence of joy and express the gratitude that you were able to see it or hear about it. Be present and grateful for being included in the joyful moment.

Spread the joy. Share with others what you observed or heard about. Keep the joy flowing. 

Be grateful that others have the opportunity to experience joy. Be joyful toward them and for them. Truly experience the awe of their joy.

Did someone finally get that amazing gift they have always wanted?

Did someone show a photo of a new pet?

Is someone planning an amazing trip?

Can you hold space in your day to experience joy for them and with them? Be joyful in a way that shows others that you want them to be happy and have joy. 

Don't let your envy steal the joy of others. Take time to bask in the glow of the joy others are experiencing. Be joyful. It's good for your brain. 

The more you practice this mindfulness the better you will become at it and you will enjoy the feeling of joy for others.