Self-Regulation

 Self- Regulation. 

Psychotherapist Jennifer L. Hartstein defines self-regulation as, "It is the ability to effectively manage one's behavior and reactions in a variety of situations." 

This is not something that we are born knowing how to do. It takes guidance, practice, and the help of others, to build the skill.

Self-regulation utilizes the prefrontal cortex. As we have talked about in the past, this part of the brain is the last to develop and typically is not fully developed until age 25.

Our prefrontal cortex is tied to impulse control and planning. Since it is underdeveloped in our students we will see a lack of or limited ability to plan and control impulses. 

We need to take time to work with our students on self-regulation and build the skills. We can help these skills be built into their brains as they grow.

Children often do things without thinking and when asked why they did something they may not have an answer. This is not an avoidance of addressing their behavior but rather the truth, due to the stage of brain growth. Our students who have been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and anxiety have an even harder time with impulse control. They will also struggle more with knowing why they acted the way they did.

We have tools to help our students learn self-regulation. We can help our students slow down, learn to think before they act, and regulate their feelings and behaviors.

Here is a list of ways to begin to show and teach your students self-regulation skills.

1. Break things down. Taking a challenging subject/activity and break it down into small more manageable steps. This builds in time to think and regulate.

2. Validate feelings. We can let a child know their behavior was unacceptable while also letting them know their feelings are valid. EX: "You are allowed to feel angry when someone hurts your feelings. You are not allowed to throw chairs to express that anger." 

3. Take a Break. Cool off. Brain breaks. Walks. Deep breathing. Pause (like we talked about last week).

4. Mindfulness. Teaching mindfulness skills at any age is helpful for self-regulation. The younger we start and the more consistent we are, the more skills our students will have.

5. Calm Yourself First. Fire doesn't stop fire. You can't both be hot. If a student's emotions are elevated you need to check your emotions and ensure they are not elevated as well. Invite them to your calm. Do not join their chaos. 

6. Be realistic with expectations. The younger the child the less impulse control. The older the child (if they have been at Fortis long enough) the more mindfulness and self-regulation they have been taught. Set expectations based on age and knowledge of the child (ie: ADHD, Autism, etc)

7. Celebrate Success. Let students know when they have done well with self-regulation. This helps them know what to do next time, reenforces the right path, and lets them know you see them doing well.

Make sure you regulate your own emotions first. 

Remember what we learned at back to school pd, QTIP...quit taking it personally. 

Be the calm they need. 

Be the calm you want to see.