Compassion: I Care About You (this isn't about me)

 In our last post I shared about Daily Jay on the Calm App. Today I want to draw from Jay Shetty's wisdom again. If you have the app you can search for Daily Jay Compassion and you will find the March 21 Daily Jay.

This mindful meditation is a great way to kick off our month of Compassion.

Understanding compassion can help us truly cultivate compassion and practice it in our daily lives.

Compassion IS NOT the same as empathy. We need to understand the differences and why more often than not we should engage in compassion and not empathy. 

Do not get me wrong, we should not lack empathy. In psychology the lack of empathy is often seen as an indicator of a sociopathic condition. Empathy can help us build relationships and understand each other better. Utilizing empathy with others can show them that we care enough to feel with them. But feelings with others can sometimes cause more problems and we need to take a step back and create space and utilize compassion.

While empathy is, I feel with you; compassion is I feel for you and your feelings. 

German psychologist Tania Singer has engaged in extensive research on compassion and how it helps us grow our brains, heal our bodies, and create social awareness and connection. Tania talks about Brain-Body-Heart and how they are all connected.

Psychology profession Paul Bloom believes so strongly in compassion he wrote a book called Against Empathy. Paul sites compelling research by Tania Singer and others to back his idea.

Research participants in a study on compassion verses empathy were given an fMRI while being asked to engage in Compassion Mindfulness and Empathy Mindfulness. The results showed that empathy was exhausting, unpleasant, difficult and made people more likely to withdraw from helping others. On the other hand, compassion was found to be exhilarating, energizing, and created a positive experience and participants were more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors. Compassion helps us want to help others.

Another professor of psychology, David DeSteno has done research on mindful meditation and how it increases compassion.

There is a current cultural movement known as "Me Too". While it has brought things to light and created support for some, it has also created a lack of compassion for someone else's story. Research is showing that "Me Too" can hinder understanding of what others are going through. When we shift to empathy we get too close and do not listen as well. We engage in telling people our stories in response to their stories. 

A good way to engage in compassion is practicing mindful listening. To more accurately understand someone else's experiences we should not "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" but rather practice HEAR mindfulness.

H: Halt what you are doing and give your full attention

E: Enjoy a deep breath and take in what is being shared

A: Ask yourself if you understand what they are saying and ask for clarification if you do not

R: Reflect black what you heard to let them know you were listening

When I work on active listening skills with students I remind them, we listen to understand not respond.

Compassion isn't a response it is an action. I will show you I care by doing for you as I walk with you. 

As we teach compassion this month, let us practice it too.

 

Energy Well Spent

 Armand M. Nicholi, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School once shared his view on how we spend time with other people. He shared that time to a relationship is like oxygen to the body; a minimal amount is not good for either one.

Like Facebook memes like to say, read that again. Time to a relationship is like oxygen to the body; a minimal amount is not good for either one.

In a recent study on parenting it was discovered that child thrived more when parents spent quality time with their children. This means that even if they couldn't put in the quantity they wish to (life happens) the quality they put into the time mattered.

The Calm App's, Daily Jay mindfulness  recently has a mindfulness titled, Energy Management. Jay Shetty a former monk is the Chief Purpose Officer of the Calm App and each day does a mindfulness called The Daily Jay. The Energy Management mindfulness spoke to how we spend our time. The quality of time we put into our time spent with others.

How do you spend your energy? Are you fully present and giving 100% when you are with students? They can tell. And it matters.

We need to invest time and energy into our students.

Many of our students will not return home at night to a home filled with quality time or any time at all spent with a positive adult. 

When we take time to get to know our students and give them our full attention, they see it, and it matters.

One way to spend quality time with your students is to engage in meaningful mindfulness. When your students see you investing in them and investing time with them it makes a lasting positive impact. 

40% of students will experience a traumatic event before graduating high school. Think about your students and how trauma may be impacting their education experience. Mindfulness can provide them with a tool to help calm anxiety, fear, and depression often related to trauma.

Students who regularly engage in a mindfulness practice report reduced; anxiety, stress, and symptoms of depression. Studies also show that students who practice mindfulness have strengthened wise decision making skills and decreased impulsiveness. It has also been found that students with a daily mindfulness practice have improved interpersonal relationships. Interpersonal relationships is something that our students struggle with due to the increase in the use of technology and social media.

Incase you were wondering, mindfulness also helps students improve their grades! Less stress means more focus, more focus means better grades.

Mumford and Sons song Awake My Soul tells us, "And where you invest your love, you invest your life." 

We daily choose to come to a school building and investing in the lives of our students. We can choose to invest wisely and give them a solid foundation. As we invest in their education it is imperative that we also invest in the whole person. 

Spend your energy wisely. Take time to practice mindfulness.  

Remember we have Inner Explorer. This is an amazing and easy to use resource to help you and your students take control over emotions and learn to spend energy wisely. 

Lastly, I wanted to share a quick video from Jay Shetty. He talks about what we see when we go to sleep and when we wake up. This most often is a cell phone/tablet/screen. This got me thinking about our students. Many to most of them look at a screen as they go to sleep and when they wake up. He talks about how this sets brains for the negative. Help you students reset their minds with mindfulness as they enter class. Jay S. video

Your Morning Mug of Mindfulness

         How is your emotional cup?

Is it full? 

Empty?

Does it have a hole? 

Is it broken? 

Have you misplaced it?

         How is your students' emotional cup?

Have you even noticed?

How might you be able to tell the different between a full cup and an empty cup?

When a student is engaging in attention seeking behaviors we do not often (if at all) ask ourselves "is this a sign of an empty emotional cup?" Our students do not always go home to a place where there cup is filled. A good number of our students most likely, after a long day at school, go home and have their cups drained. 

What do you notice when you spend time asking yourself the 'why' behind a behavior? Often we notice the behavior and we are upset about the behavior and we react. Reflect before you React. 

Can you fill your students' cup?

Or are you draining the cup?

How is your cup looking today? 

What is your calm?

How do you show students that you care about yourself?

Looking at our self-care and calm can help us to fill our own cup, which then allows us to pour into students and fill their cups.

Your calm will help students co-regulate to create their own calm. Your behavior, attitude, and demeanor matters. Students are learning more about calm from your behavior than they ever will when tell them to calm down.

Empty emotional cups can lead to burnout and breakdown. 

Mindfulness can help us support a fill cup for ourselves and our students. 

Below is a mindfulness practice to help you fill your empty cup. This mindfulness focuses on visualizing an empty cup, taking controlled deep breaths, and repeating words to fill the cup up.

This mindfulness encourages you to look at a picture of a cup or visualize your favorite cup. I like the idea, when you are able, to hold your favorite cup. In the mindfulness it talks about feeling the weight of adding to your cup. What if you had the actual weight of a cup in your hand? This might help ground you more in the mindful experience.

Mindfulness

What words do you need to hear this week to help fill your cup? 

The more we work on filling our own cups the better we will become at filling the cups of others.  

After you try this mindfulness yourself consider adapting it for your class. This would probably work best for 5th grade and above.

Talk with students about how they feel and if they feel drained or empty and if they need help with a mindful pick-me-up. Maybe have mugs for them to hold or simply print a mug for them to look at as they practice this mindfulness. If you print a mug, after they practice the mindfulness you can let them color the mug and later you can refer back to the mindful mug and remind students to take time to fill it up. Positive self-talk matters. Help students replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. 

Mindful People

I follow a few different mindfulness based pages on social media and the above graphic was posted this past weekend. I love what it says about mindful people. As I read it I connected with some and reminded myself to do better with others. I wanted to take time this week to review these 15 Things mindful People Do Differently.

1. They Don't Believe Their Thoughts - And They Don't Take Them All That Seriously. 

Our thoughts can lie to us. We can engage in self-doubt. Our thoughts can come from what other people have said to us. One of the best pieces of advice I have read states that we need to watch the words we say to children as we wake them and send them to school and what words we say to them as we say good night and send them off to sleep. Our words will stick in brains. The words of others will stick in your brain. For better or worse. When we practice mindfulness we can learn to sort, clear, reject, or embrace thoughts. Mindfulness can help us identify helpful and unhelpful thoughts. 

2. They Don't Try To Avoid Or Deny Emotions.                                                                                

Avoiding emotions does not make them go away. Denying emotions does not make them less real. Emotions exist. All emotions are valid and acceptable. Mindfulness teaches us to stop, take a breath, acknowledge and accept the emotion, and then work through it. If you take a bill you do not want to pay and place it in a drawer it does not vanish and you no longer have to pay it. It is still real and you still have to address it. Do not put your emotions in a box and pretend they do not exist. Address them as they come.

3. They Understand That All Things Come And Go.                                                                                 

Mindfulness helps us accept the present moment as it is. It helps us see the past for what it was. It helps us understand that while we may plan for the future we cannot control it. Everything comes and goes. Today may be winter and cold. Tomorrow may be sunny and spring. Seasons come and go. Days come and go. Feelings come and go. The more we accept them as they come the better we will become at letting them go.

4. They Do One Things At A Time.         

 If you search old blog posts you will find one that talks about the idea of multitasking and how our brains do not have the compacity for this and rather engage in what is called switchtasking. The more mindfulness we practice the more we can see how our brains engage in one activity at a time and we embrace this. Allow yourself the space to accomplish one task at a time. 

5. They Turn Everyday Tasks Into Mindful Moments.

I have shared in the past how when Leila was too young to understand mindfulness and deep breathing I did it for her allowing her body the opportunity to respond. When the typical 1.5 year old meltdown would occur I would pick her up and take exaggerated deep breaths. In a matter of seconds her body would respond and she would follow my breathing and clam down. Now at the age of 4.5 we take deep breaths together. Bedtime is our nightly struggle. She doesn't like to stop playing to sleep. We made up a mindfulness song "Take a breath, close your eyes, breathe deep, go to sleep". And we sing it every night and take deep breaths. In my home we often talk about focusing on the task at hand, focusing on our own behaviors, focusing on the moment. It is easy to find ways to make a mindful moment happen.

6. They Practice Being Curious.                                                                  

It is fun to be curious. You learn new things. There is always a way to use mindful curiosity to increase understand, build relationships, and reduce conflict. This is often called, perspective taking. When introducing mindfulness to students I share that mindfulness helps us understand our own feelings better and once we can do this we can then understand the feelings of others. The more we practice perspective taking the more we understand others and their feelings and emotions. Be curious about how others feel. Try taking their perspective. This is a great mindfulness technique that will build empathy and understanding.

7. They Get Outdoors And Embrace The Beauty Of Nature.        

Have you ever just sat outside on a warm sunny day and listened to the sounds of nature? This is mindfulness. You are fully present in the moment and connecting with your surroundings. Mindfulness grounds us in the present moment. Being outside and embracing nature is an amazing way to be mindful. You can practice sound mindfulness, by listening. You can practice the mindfulness of smell as spring bring in fresh scents. You can practice the mindfulness of sight by looking at the colors and shapes of nature. You can enjoy the mindfulness of touch by grazing the silky petals of a flower in summer. You can even enjoy some mindful taste time by picking and eating fresh fruit.

8. They Enjoy Every Bite When They Eat.            

 There are times I forget to engage in mindful eating. We get excited or hungry and we eat. We don't have time to enjoy and we eat. Most of the time we just eat without thinking. If you take a look back you can find a post on mindful eating. When I did my first mindfulness training we practiced mindful eating. We looked at the color, shape, and size of a raisin. We then felt the texture in our hands and smelled its aroma. Next we placed in on our tongue without chewing. Again we engaged in learning its texture and initial taste. Then we chewed for a minute. Slowly chewing and experiencing the food and its flavor. Then we ingested and enjoyed. This is a good way to practicing slowing down and being in the moment.

9. They Slow Down When Reading And Truly Take The Information In            

Reading from a physical book or page helps retain information more than reading from a screen. You have the tactile experience of holding and turning pages. You can engage with the information. You are present with what you are reading. Slowing down when you are taking in information helps you understand and experience the information in a more concrete way. Speed reading gets it done quickly and then you've moved away from the moment. Mindful reading is an experience. Immerse yourself in the information, the book, the moment. Taking time when reading creates engagement with the material and cements you in the present moment.

10. They Are Fully Present When Listening Without Trying To Control Or Judge.             

Listening to hear, not to respond. This is key. Listening to hear another persons perspective, feelings, and thoughts. Giving their time and story the respect you desire for your own. It matters. I like to listen and reflect back what I heard. I often say to students "I'd like to reflect back my understanding of what I heard you say, please correct me if I have confused details." This lets them know you were fully in the moment, listening to hear and understand them. This shows them you care to connect and you aren't formulating a response or judgment. 

11. They Take Mini-Breaks Every Hour Or So When Working Or Studying.              

There are time we all experience what is called Flow. Flow was coined in the 1970's by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. This is when we fully immerse in an activity. Flow can have benefits when we need to accomplish something, it gives great feelings of accomplishment, and creates a connection to what we are doing. But there are times we need to break out of flow and be more present. My senior year in high school I had an amazing English teacher who taught in what he called "short bursts" and would give us small breaks to take care of tasks. Now my watch will remind me once an hour to get up and move if I have been sitting too long. Mindfulness can involve movement. Mindfulness is about being aware in the present moment. Be aware your body needs movement and breaks. Mindfulness will teach you to listen to your body and it's needs and help you attend to them.

12. They Laugh At Themselves.          

 Be light hearted. Enjoy life. Don't take yourself so seriously. See the humor. Have fun. This is being in the moment. Embracement comes from our brains jumping forward and assuming others will remember this moment with unkindness and remind us of our folly. Being present in the moment helps us recognize that "this too shall pass." Mindful practice helps us be present in the moment and not judge the moment. 

13.They Focus On What They're Doing   

This is mindfulness. Being in the present moment. Focusing on what you are doing in the present moment. Letting other distractions fall away and being present. Focus on the task at hand and not worrying about what is to come next.

14. They Challenge Existing Beliefs 

 We all have beliefs we hold close and don't want to let go. Being mindful means we listen to others to understand and learn. Allow yourself to be open and present enough to not be offended by a challenge to your beliefs. Take time to explore and be present in what might challenge a belief. Mindfulness is about accepting a present moment without judgement. Be open to a belief you hold being challenged. Accept it then challenge and either change or strengthen your belief.

15. They Nourish Their Bodies

What does it mean to nourish your body? The definition of nourish is, to provide the body with food or other substances necessary for growth, health, and good condition. Mindfulness helps us grow our minds and strengthen our prefrontal cortex. Mindfulness helps improve our mental and physical health. Mindfulness sets up our bodies for good condition. Mindfulness nourishes our minds and bodies. Mindfulness also helps us slow down and make wise choices on how we take care of our bodies and the other ways we nourish them.

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Mindfulness is a great way to strengthen our hearts, minds, and bodies. Mindfulness connects us to the present moment and those in that moment with us. 

I encourage you to take some extra time this week to build into the day more mindfulness. 

Strengthen. 

Be present. 

Enjoy!                                                                                                

Oneness and Compassionate Action

Last week we missed out on a blog. I apologize. The ice days made the rest of the week very busy. 

This week I wanted to share a new perspective on mindfulness and why it is important to practice daily.

When we think about mindfulness and the brain we typically focus on The Amygdala (emotion center), The Hippocampus (our memory), and the Prefrontal Cortex (wise choices). While these are important parts of the brain when it comes to mindfulness it is good to take some time to explore how mindfulness can help our brains in other parts.

Our brains are amazing and we actually know very little about how the function. We learn more and more all of the time, but we still have so much more to learn.

In recent studies it has been found that the Parietal Lobe can also be connected to our mindfulness practices.

Typically the Parietal Lobe is associated with our senses; touch, taste, smell, sight, hearing. Neuroscientist Andrew Newberg, whos main focus is how the brain functions when practicing religion reports that the Parietal Lobe can also be seen in use during a mindfulness practice.

Dr. Newberg reports that a mindful meditation practice creates what he calls a "oneness." For some this oneness is with a spiritual being, nature, and for some it is with each other.

When we practice mindfulness together with our students we create a sense of oneness with them, the class, and the school.

Dr. Newberg's findings continue on to tell us that when we have the sense of oneness our sense of belonging intensifies. 

Wouldn't it be amazing to create a sense of oneness and belonging in your classroom? Perhaps that student who acts out doesn't feel connected to you or the class. A mindfulness practice you participate in too can help create a belonging that student needs to feel. The more a student feels they belong, are connected, and are one with the class, the less they are like to disturb the environment.  

Mindfulness is also often a time of peace and quiet. Studies show that being silent in groups can lead to what is called, compassionate action toward others. Again, the group feeling creates the connection and then drives the compassionate action. How amazing would it be to see that "problem" student feel connected to the class to the point of doing positive actions for and toward others? 

The more we practice mindfulness the more we grow our awareness of our own reality. This then opens us up to recognizing the reality of others.

Take time during our March Mindful Madness to establish and practice a daily routine of mindfulness. Remember, practicing with your students will connect you better to them and open up the possibility of compassionate action. 

Random Act of Kindness Week

 

I would like to start of this year's Random Act of Kindness week with a Treat Yo Self day (days). Please take a moment to stop by my office this week and get a treat. I will have a variety. Come see what treat will treat you right!

Don't  forget, Mindfulness is a great way to Treat Yo Self. It can also be a Random Act of Kindness. Teach someone a new mindfulness this week as an act of kindness.

Mindful.org shares that mindfulness and kindness are similar. They both are good for our physical and emotional well-being. As educators and supports of young students we should remember that our students their need physical and emotional well-being addressed to ensure they are ready to learn. A student in pain, hungry, hurting, depressed, or distracted will not be able to focused enough to learn what you are teaching.

We all need self-care. Self-care is not selfish and should not be something that we schedule in once every few months. It should be a daily check-in on your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Allow yourself the time and space to address your own well-being. This will better equip you to assist your students in addressing their own well-being.

Mindfulness is a self-care gift we can utilize daily. 

Mindful.org goes on to report that kindness can help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. Studies have shown that when we do something kind for others we help elevate their mood. When we observe their mood boost our bodies react with an even greater mood boost. 

A great mindfulness to practice this week for yourself, for your students, and with your students is Metta Lovingkindness. 

Much like the Hot Chocolate Breathing Mindfulness, Metta Lovingkindness is a favorite of mine to practice. I find that this mindful meditation gives me a sense of peace and release when I practice.

For those new to this mindfulness let's take a minute to talk it through.

Metta Lovingkindness Mindful Meditation

You being with Well Wishes for Yourself.

"Today I wish myself well wish. I send myself a well wish to be bold, strong, and compassionate toward myself and others."

Then you send a Well Wish to someone you Care About

"Today I send well wishes to my children. May their day be filled with knowledge, friendship, and a little fun." 

Last you send a Well Wish to someone you Struggle With/ Don't Get Along/Don't Like

This one is hard. You will not want to do it. You'll go back to yourself and those you care about and skip this one. You will say that you will try it next time. But you will not. 

DO IT ANYWAY!

The peace that comes from this part is restorative, releasing, refreshing, and reaffirming that you can rise above.

"Today I send well wishes to the mother of my step-children. (Let me take a minute and let you know this is real for me. It is a challenge due to past history, but I do this for Me. And. It. Feels. Good!) I wish her a productive day filled with kindness from those around her. May she be successful and strong as a mother."

This mindfulness is a wonderful random act of kindness for yourself.

Take a moment this week to stand in your empty classroom and send a well wish to each of your students. Experience the benefit of how it will change your mood and attitude toward them.

Our brains are wired to see the negative and think the negative. This is a throw back from the days in which our brains needed to see out the potential danger and harm to survive. We need to train our brain to see the good, be the good, and do the good.

Find the Space Between Chaos and Calm

Do you have a mindful classroom? 

Have you paused lately to take a look around and assess the classroom atmosphere?  If your class is not peaceful and productive you might be missing the calm you need to elevate learning.

Hey Middle School Teachers Are You Reading??? Are your students running on emotions instead of logic? Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to know you've tamed a wild animal?  Middle school human children may not be wild animals but there are times they act more from Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Faint than they do from Calm Centered Logic. 

Good News! You can have that dopamine rush because you too are the tamer of something wild and seemingly untamable. It only takes mindfulness!

In 2018 Boston Charter Research Collaborative partnered with the Center for Education Policy Research at Harvard University, MIT, and the program Transforming Education, to explore mindfulness in middle school.

The research was conducted with 6th graders over an 8 week period of time. During the eight weeks the sixth graders practiced mindfulness 4 times a week. At the end of the time the students self-reported findings along with engaging in brain scans.

The students who engaged in a brain scan showed Amygdala reduced responses such as; reduced responses to fearful faces, less sensitive to negative stimuli, less prone to get stressed, and less prone to lose of focus.

Most middle school students run solely by their Amygdala. Mindfulness helps control and reduce that. BAM! You've tamed the untamable!!

Utilizing mindfulness in the classroom helps the students gain control over their emotions and attention. Mindfulness takes your class from chaos to calm. 

At the end of 2021 William Meyer, a graduate of Harvard Graduate School of Education and a teacher in New York City wrote an article sharing 7 unexpected ways mindfulness changed his classroom.

1. Expanded how he saw teaching and learning. Mindfulness helped him see students in a different way and notice the depth and compacity of some of his most difficult students.

2. Deepened student learning. As noted in the study with 6th graders, mindfulness helps to lessen stress and reduce lose of focus. 

3. Helped him see himself and his class in a new light. He noted he took more time to check in on his own feelings and the feelings of his students. When you start to check in on mood you see the student with more depth and understanding.

4. He noticed a spread through the whole community. This is something that I have seen too. Last week at the end of mindfulness with a second grade class one student shared that he planned to go home and teach his mom Pink Bubble Mindfulness. 

5. Democratized the classroom and nurtured a greater sense of community. Your students notice when you practice mindfulness with them. Meyer noted that he invited administration to join too. Invite them and let the class see the community of mindfulness across the school. 

6. Checked his ego. The class is your domain. You have rules. You have structure. You have expectations. You also have an ego and it can get out of control and does need to be checked. Use mindfulness to check insecurities to check the ego.

7. Slowed his classroom down. Mindfulness helped him find the space between Action and Reaction.

How does you class look today? When was the last time you checked in? Take a moment today to notice the breathing in the room. Is it fast? If yes, take a break and allow it to slow. Have you checked in on your ego? Do you speak frim without anger? 

A great way to get started is to utilize mindfulness during transitions. Inner Explorer has mindfulness for transitions. It also has sound practices. Both are shorter than the longer more in-depth practices. They are useful to teach self calming and reflecting strategies. Share out that you will put on a sound or transition practice. Note that the first minute is to close out current material and transition to new material. After the first minute the students are asked to sit, breathe, and reflect, and ready themselves to move on. 

Remember a mindful posture helps students be ready to be present. For younger students we practice Zip Up Breath. You pretend there is a zipper on your belly button and zip up as you breathe in. While you do so you lengthen your back and relax your shoulders. You can also utilize Royal Sitting Breathing. Tell students to sit as a Royal; straight back, relaxed shoulders, head up, and poised. 

As you practice mindfulness leaders will emerge. Notice them. Ask them to lead mindfulness. Ask them to notice when the room needs a breathing break. Encourage them to mentor others in mindfulness.

A mindful classroom is a productive classroom.

A mindful classroom is a positive classroom.     

Mindfulness Toolkit Transforming Education