Stay Curious, Stay Connected

 

At the beginning of the year it is easy to be curious when it comes to our students. As the year progresses we begin to feel that our students should understand and follow expectations and we be come less curious and more judgmental. 

We need to stay curious. The clip below, from the show Ted Lasso, reminds us about being curious.

Instead of judgment regarding a situation, behavior, or even a student themselves; be curious. Back in December we had a blog on the question why, if you do not remember it I encourage you to look back and reread it. That blog asks us to begin exploring why things are happening and why a student behaviors the way they do, why we feel the way we feel, etc. Being curious means asking why,  and not assuming you know the answer.

As we remember to stay curious we can be more open to building or if needed repairing relationships with students. 

A simple way to connect, build relationships, or begin repair, is to engage in mindfulness with your students. 

Before spring break we concluded our Inner Explorer mindfulness competition. During the month of March you were encouraged to do mindfulness daily with your students, and even invite admin to join. I hope that this does not stop. In fact, I would encourage you to continue to use mindfulness as we move into testing season. Continue the connect with a mindfulness before you start a test.

According to Edtopia.org a study conducted in 2020 showed that student teacher relationships are associated with outcomes related to academic achievement. The better the relationship, the higher the academic success.

If our relationships with students support their achievement then right now is a perfect time to refocus on your relationship building. You may have one student who really needs your encouragement before they begin taking state testing.

A study from 2022 showed that students are more likely and more willing to go the extra mile with their academics if they are being educated in a supportive environment and adults have built trusting relationships with them.

Below is a video I came across this week. It provides a good laugh and a little food for thought. How do you handle the student you can tell "hates" you? How do you build that relationship?

Build and bank relationship time.

Remember that emotions are contagious. A 2021 study suggests that teacher emotions have a powerful effect on students. The students will reflect them and more often than not it takes a greater amount of time to recover from negative emotions over positive emotions. Your mood can change the mood of your students in a positive and negative way.

Be the mood you want to see in your students.

When asking the why  questions take a minute to separate yourself from a situation and ask if a student's behavior is a reflection of your mood? Could you be the why?

Making sure that we do our own mindfulness and are participating with our students can help us ensure we are always checking our attitudes, feelings, and thoughts. We can help our students by being the example of mindfulness and connect with them through mindfulness.

 

Remember that relationship building does not have to end after the first month of school. We can continue to find ways to connect or reconnect with our students.

Spring Cleaning for Your Space and Mind

 Spring Cleaning. 

Many people take time in the spring to engage in spring cleaning. Going around their space and cleaning out the old, decluttering, organizing, and making the space clean and comfortable.

In the spring (or any time of year) we can spring clean the mind. We can use mindfulness ideas to help clean our space and our mind.

We can sweep away self-criticism, declutter negative thoughts, organize our needs, and polish up what keeps us moving forward.

Studies show that a space filled with junk and clutter creates stress in the brain and body. The external stimuli of a cluttered space can make for a cluttered mind.

In a recent survey most Americans listed home organization and cleanliness among their top five stressors. 

Spring cleaning our space can have a positive effect on our mental as well as physical health. If we add spring cleaning of the mind to our spring cleaning to-do list we can increase the benefits for our mind and body.

It can seem overwhelming to start the spring cleaning task. You may not know where or how to start. Here are some mindful tips for spring cleaning space and mind.

First, make a do-to list. What spaces need to be clean? What words of self-criticism need to be removed?

Next, decide your pacing. Would you rather go slow and steady (last week's turtle) or clean in short bursts? 

Slow and steady looks more like picking a space and slowing cleaning until it is done.

Short bursts is about picking a time limit and clean as much as you can in that time.

Do you need to slowly stop your negative self-talk, reducing it down day by day or can you mindfully stop and swiftly clean it out of your life.

Have a plan for your "junk." A Keep, Give, Toss, system. After you have cleaned consider the idea of 1 in 2 out to keep the space clean and keep the clutter from returning. 

 As you consider your keep pile, spend time reconnecting with items and their meaning. As we reconnect with why we are keeping an item spend time reconnecting with your values. Use a mindful approach. What are you keeping in your life that serves your greater mental and physical well-being.

Studies show that women specifically carry higher levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, especially when a space is cluttered. Taking control of your environment can help you take control of your physical health as well.

Cleaning also creates a physical activity. We have to move. This is something to consider for your daily routine. What can you clean daily? How active are you with this cleaning? Can you be more active?

Reframe your feelings toward cleaning. Reframe your feelings toward yourself. 

Cleaning is scientifically proven to improve your living space, your physical health, and your mental health. 

How can we apply this to our students?

Have daily cleaning chores in your class. Do spring desk clean out. Do cubby spring cleaning. Do locker spring cleaning. 

Talk with your students about organization and help them set up a system to stay organized. Make a daily check list of cleaning and organization. 

Consider the whole class space and make to-do lists for each space. Give responsibility to your students and let them take charge of cleaning.

Before you start do a mindfulness and talk about cleaning out your mind.

Do a wrap up mindfulness and talk about how good it feels to sit in a clean space.

Take a trip outside. Encourage them to clean their outside shared space. Talk about being in nature and caring for nature.

Remember mindfulness is being in the present moment and paying attention without judgement. Do not criticize during cleaning time. Make it mindful. Encourage, praise, and remind that as we declutter our space we can take deep breaths and declutter our minds. 

 

Mindfulness Helps Win the Race

 ****This was set to go out last week and then the full moon and eclipse took over and our students kept me busy. As you read the beginning of this blog keep in mind it was typed out last week and I didn't want to edit it. *****

Endurance 

We are simply trying to make it through Friday, a full moon, and a lunar eclipse. And then the final week before spring break. We are simply attempting to find endurance.

In 2018 studies found mindfulness trending up.

In 2020 Google Trends showed mindfulness had dropped by a 1/3.

Here we are in 2025 seeing more and more research showing us that mindfulness has more benefits beyond calming students, focusing brains, and helping to reduce stress.

Recent studies show that athletes who regularly practice mindfulness (one study used a baseline of at least 41.7 minutes a week) showed more endurance and less mental fatigue. 

If athletes gain endurance and reduce mental fatigue utilizing mindfulness, we too can use mindfulness to endure the week before spring break. We too can reduce our metal fatigue. We can also help our students do the same.

As I researched this topic I thought of Aesop's fable, The Tortoise and the Hare. This could almost be a story of mindful endurance verse distracted overconfidence. When we think we do not need mindfulness and become overconfident we allow distractions to control our brain and thus our actions. Yet when we mindfully keep pace and have a focus, we can accomplish our goals.

Think about ways you can use mindfulness to gain endurance. Think about how you can use it to help your students.

Here is a fun mindfulness that came to mind as I thought about the tortoise....

Have students hold out their hand, palm up. Ask them to imagine a tiny turtle on their hand. Share that like turtles we need to move slow with our breath. Have them a deep breath in. Then while breathing out slowly encourage them to imagine the tiny turtle slowly walking across the hand. 

Here is a mindful turtle coloring page which is free on TPT. 

After you teach your students the turtle breath give them the coloring page and allow some quiet mindfulness time. Encourage them to be the mindful tortoise and be slow and steady with their coloring. Encourage them to take time to be calm, quit, and color the very best they can.

Slow and Steady.... Mindful Endurance helps win the race.

Which Voice Do You Hear? ....how about your students?

 

Talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy. In fact it might make you smarter, happier, and healthier. 

Just this week I overheard a first grader state "my life is the worst!" This kind of self-talk is negative self-talk and can be harmful. A lot of our students and perhaps a lot of us adults, often engage in harmful negative self-talk. 

While negative self-talk can harm us, positive self-talk can support our mental health, help regulate emotions, and reduce anxiety. 

Our words matter. Especially the ones we say to ourselves. If we do not talk kindly to ourselves we are less likely to talk kindly to others. 

For many of our students positive talk does not occur at home. They likely hear a lot of negative talk about adults, themselves, and negative self-talk from caregivers. 

In her book Good Inside Dr. Becky talks about adopting mantras and encouraging children to do the same. Mantas are another form of self-talk. A short sound, word, or phrase that create a positive and productive feeling and behavior. Dr. Becky shares that mantras help during challenging situations. When there is a struggle a mantra can help build confidence. 

Below are a few examples of mantras and positive self-talk.

Children who struggle with test taking may need a manta such as:

-My mind is brilliant

-I've got this

-Trust my gut

Students who struggle with motivation may need a mantra of:

-Move 1% forward

-Progress not perfection

-I am choosing to have a productive day

A child who struggles with feelings and emotions may need:

-I am in control of my emotions

-I am grateful for my life

-My positive thoughts guide me

Other good mantras to adopt:

-Trust the process

-Forgive and let go

-Everything is figureoutable

-I am responsible for my reactions

-I am moving forward

-I believe in my abilities

-There is no can't only won't

-Things are hard before they are easy

-My power comes from my choices

-Discomfort means growth

-I'm not afraid to be wrong

If you awork with younger grades you'll know this one from Inner Explorer;

-I have the power to make wise choices

If we choose to adopt a mantra and positive self-talk and then use it around students they will hear and learn this behavior. 

When we want to change a student's behavior we must start with our own. For a lot of young children learning by example is easier than being told what to do. We've talked before about students barrowing our calm or chaos. They will also barrow our positivity or negativity.  

What moments during the day could use more positive self-talk or a mantra?

Once you start, then take time to begin to encourage your students to start using mantas too. 

Try putting a mantra post-it note on desks daily. 

Greet students with a positive affirmation or mantra.

Find ways to add more positivity to your day for you and your students. 

Aspect-Shift

 "See a child differently, see a different child."- Dr. Shanker

Have you ever found yourself saying something like the following:

"This student is so lazy."

"This student never tries."

"This student does not listen."

"This student has the worst attitude."

If we are honest, we all have had those thoughts, or similar. We need to learn to do a mind shift. Much like our Most Generous Interpretation of a student's behavior, we need to shift our view of the student.

"This student is so lazy." ->aspect shift-> "This student looks tired, I wonder if they slept well."

"This student never tries." ->aspect shift-> "This student appears to struggle with math, I wonder how we can help."

"This student does not listen." ->aspect shift-> "This student is having a difficult time complying with my requests, I wonder if he is confused and how I can reframe things for better understanding."

"This student has the worst attitude." ->aspect shift-> "This student is struggling to express her emotions and appears overwhelmed by her emotions."

Dr. Shanker shares on his website Self-Reg.Ca and in his practice that we need an aspect shift to see students differently and we will see a different student. 

Our aspect-shift can start with our thinking, our MGI, but it also should include more.

An aspect-shift incorporates our full self.

When we approach a student we struggle to connect with due to behavior or attitude we need to reflect on:

-Facial Expression

-Eye Gaze

-Tone of Voice

-Gestures

-Posture

We need to aspect shift ourselves. How we interact. We need to shift to self-regulation.

Our own self regulation matters. Until a child learns to self regulate they will borrow our regulation. A child will not only notice your self regulation but they will mirror it and share your calm. If you are not calm, a child also share your chaos. 

How you see a child and how you approach and interact with them can change the situation in a split second. 

Regulating a child starts with regulating yourself. Your self-regulation will help you begin to see your student differently, it will help with your aspect shift.

Take some time to think about that one student who seems to always be causing problems in your class. As yourself:

-How do stand when I am by them? Do I tower over or get down to their level? Do I sit with them? Am I standing straight and stiff or am I relaxed and calm?

-How do I hold my hands? Do I hold my arms across my body? Am I using my hands to talk? Are my hands in fists?

-What is the tone of my voice? Calm and even or loud, high-pitched, and fast?

-Where am I looking? Am I so angry (and not remembering q-tip) I avoid eye contact?

-What does my face read? Is it relaxed or tense? How are my eyebrows?

70% of communication is non-verbal. It is not what we say but how we say it and how we look when we say it.  And children are excellent at reading body language. They will unconsciously react to your unspoken interactions with them.

What might that next interaction look like with your challenging student if you; first thought about your non-verbal communication, second you regulated your own emotions, and then lastly saw the student from a different perspective?  

We need to aspect shift to see our students in a different light and use MGI. Aspect shifting starts with ensuring we are regulating ourselves. We can't see a different differently if we are seeing red from our own anger. 

 

We don't have difficult students giving us a hard time. We have good students having a difficult time.

TALK and Connect

This week has been one of those weeks where I have tossed around a lot of ideas for the blog and nothing seemed to fit just right. That is until yesterday. A combination of the podcast I listened to while making dinner and the audio book I listened to while on the treadmill inspired the ideas and suggestions I am about to share. I hope that you find some wisdom and inspiration, as I did, and begin to plan ways you too can use the information.

Last night I listened to Armchair Experts, Expert on Expert, Alison Wood Brooks. Alison is a professor at Harvard with a popular course called, TALK: How to talk gooder in business and life. Alison is also the author of the book, TALK, The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves.

As I listened I began to think about how we can apply her conversation ideas to our classrooms and interactions with our students.

Alison shares in her book and class ways in which we can become better conversationalist. Most people believe either someone is good or someone is bad at having a conversation and that is it. But it's not. We can work on how to have better conversations. 

TALK is an acronym that can help us think about how we have conversations with others.

T: Topics. We do not always know, in the moment, what to talk about with others. If we know we are meeting someone new, having a meetings, or doing a one-on-one we can take time to preplan at least two to three topics. This creates a feeling of calm, ready, and curiosity.

When I think about our students I wonder if we ever preplan a topic of conversation. If you have a 2x10 student have you preplanned your topics or are you just coming up with them on the fly. Try planning a couple things each day. This will help the conversation start more easily and flow better.

A: Ask. When we talk to others we need to ask questions. Questions in which we do not know the answers. Explore. Understand. Get to know.

When you preplan a topic for a 2x10 student think of questions that you do not know yet but would love to find out. Questions that are non-school related.

L: Levity. Balance your topics with humor, warmth, and gravity. 

When we get to know our students it is good to think of light topics to start with and build as we grow the relationship. Over the course of your 2x10 begin to preplan questions that explore the students whole world. Ask lighthearted questions and questions that make your student think.

K: Kindness. Speak with respect. Engage receptively, even with opposing views. Listen responsibly. 

I always share with students that we are listening to understand not to respond. A kind conversation wants to know the information not just share the information.

That old saying "Think before your speak (talk)" really means more to me now. I will think about TALK before I talk. I may even start to make a list of topics to talk about with students and make a list of great questions. Being ready to talk with a student can help build the relationship quicker and stronger.

Now that we have learned how to TALK, lets dive back into Good Inside with Dr. Becky. 

In Chapter 11 Dr. Becky talks about building connections with children. Dr. Becky shares that if we want to see undesirable behavior diminish and stop, we first need to build connection.

Dr. Becky shares that she started PNP with her children. Play No Phones. This is a 10-15 minute block of time at least once a week. No electronics. Child driven. Time together.

Again this idea had me reflecting on 2x10. Or if you rather maybe take 10-15 minutes once a week from lunch, recess, or specials. No electronics. Let the student pick a game to play or topic of talk. If it's talk, be prepared with some of your TALK tips. Dr. Becky shared that this is a great time for reflections or parallel play. If the student wants to color, color with them. If the student wants to walk quietly, walk with them. This is a time to let a student know you are there for them and it has nothing to do with how well they are doing their work or how good their behavior may or may not be that day. Fill them up.

In her chapter on connection Dr. Becky also shares about The Fill Up Game. For her this was created when she observed her oldest son struggling when her youngest child was born. For them it looked like hugs and snuggles until her son was "filled up" and had a little extra mom so he could go play on full not empty.

For us with students this looks like time, attention, and being there for a student not just when you need to redirect or discipline. Again as I listened I kept reflecting on 2x10 or committing to a lunch once a week with a student, or the first 15 minutes of specials. A special time of positive connection to fill, build, and bond.

How might your classroom change if you practiced TALK and connection?

Can you pick one student out next week and give it a try?

MGI

Last week I started a book that is amazing. You may find me sharing from it as I continue to listen. It's about a 10 hour listen, so there is a lot of good information to come our way. The book is called Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, if you aren't familiar, is amazing! Her focus is parenting, children, and parent-child relationships. So, as you can guess, Good Inside is about parenting. But that doesn't mean it cannot apply to other aspects of our lives. In fact Dr. Becky shares in the book that the parenting skills she shares can be applied to any of our relationships. 

The first lesson I want to share is MGI, Most Generous Interpretation. 

This lesson has stuck with me and has encouraged me to pause and rethink a situation as it is happening and after it has happened.

Dr. Becky encourage us to look at a situation and give some benefit of the doubt. We need to remind ourselves that the other person does not mean malice toward us and is not intentionally trying to harm us. If you think about it MGI is similar to Q-TIP.

We aren't taking things personally and we are stepping back to give a generous interpretation of a situation. 

I want to make a quick disclaimer, MGI does not excuse abuse and is not to be applied in those kind of situations. MGI is for our everyday life behaviors. 

MGI is assuming the best in others. It does not excuse their behaviors but rather gives space around the why  of the behavior.

Dr. Becky shares in her book that when a situation occurs we need to give the MGI. 

For example; a student is working quietly and then as if out of no where begins to shout and scream. We could tell them to stop. We could ask them what is wrong with them, you know what I mean "ask" but its more a statement "what is wrong with you?" Or we could use the MGI and say to ourselves that this is a student having a difficult moment and they need help. 

Let's use a more dramatic example. A student is visibly upset and begins throwing things. We could assume they are out of control, they don't care about others, and that they are a bad kid. Or we could use the MGI and ask why (to ourselves). This student is observed to be in distress. They probably have a learned angry behavior and being young their brain isn't fully developed and does not know another way to handle their emotions. 

We have a student that often gives attitude. The parent has identified that the attitude occurs with them as well. We could decide that this student is just a pre-teen full of undesirable attitude.  We could say that she is a bad kid with a bad attitude. Maybe we might even believe the behavior is intentional to anger us. Or we can use the MGI and look at the bigger picture. The home life. The instability. The tired look in her eyes. We do not excuse the behavior, but we see the bigger picture. We don't take it personally. We hold her accountable but also when she is ready to talk and hear reason, we give her understanding.

When my daughter takes her sweet time getting ready for bed at night I try hard to remember to give her the MGI. She loves to play with her stuffies. She loves to play school. She loves to read books. She loves to spend time with mom. She isn't being defiant and bad. She is taking her time to gain more time. MGI. She doesn't want to be alone in her bedroom. If I take time to acknowledge her feelings and express my own she can learn bedtime is not the worst time. Yelling at her to go to bed will not help her feel better about being alone. Yelling at her will not help her get ready for bed faster.

As educators we can look at our students behaviors and ask ourselves why and give the most generous interpretation.

Dr. Brene Brown also did some research into the MGI. Her findings tell us that those who are generous with their interpretations of others words and actions are happier and more fulfilled.

Extending the MGI helps those in the crisis moment and helps those handling the crisis moment.

 Could you try to look at a student and give them the MGI of their behaviors and attitude?