How do you RSVP to Power Struggles?

Power Struggles don't have to happen. I love how Dr. Becky says that when kids invite us to power struggles we do not have to accept the invitation. RSVP No to the power struggle party. That is not a party you want to attend. (If the link does not work go to Instagram and search Dr. Becky and look for Power Struggle post, it's a good one.)

But power struggles happen. They happen at home with our children. They happen at school with our students. But they do not have to happen. We have options. 

According to Psychologytoday.com, a power struggle is defined as an attempt to use coercion, force, and threats in response to a challenging behavior.

We have all seen adults RSVP Yes to a power struggle when a student will not comply. When an adult engages in a power struggle it is a sort of co-escalation situation and is almost always counterproductive.

Power struggles take an already challenging situation and make it even more difficult. All emotions begin to escalate and a resolution becomes much more difficult.

Students, as well as adults often face a variety of frustrations outside of school in their personal lives. If unskilled at addressing emotions those frustrations may find there way into school and interactions with those at school. 

When a power struggle appears to be starting it is important to remember that it is the job of the adult to support a student, not control a student.

Before we get into some strategies presented by psychology today and the website needsfocusteaching.com, I would like to encourage you to take the time and read the linked article from Edutopia.

The article from Edutopia gave some great examples of being curious (call back from two weeks ago!) as a way to prevent a power struggle you see coming.

We can utilize curiosity as a great way to reduce the likelihood of a power struggle. We can take time to show interest and understanding. 

Below is a great list of ways to prevent power struggles:

1. Communicate respect and promote dignity. 

    When we lead by example students are more likely to trust us. We need to show respect even in challenging situations. Modeling behavior is a great way to teach behavior.

2. Build and maintain good rapport

    There will always be that one student who can push even the calmest of calm teachers. Build a healthy relationship and work on maintaining it, no matter how the student pushes back.

3. Q-TIP

    That's right. Erin's wise words she shared at the beginning of the school year are here in psychology today. Quit Taking It Personally. Again this is that idea that we need to manage our own feelings before we can address others feelings and behaviors. Reflect back on what we already talked about with students and adults bringing in outside baggage. Q-TIP! Know your triggers and tap out when needed.

4. Provide Choices

    Choices you are ok with the student picking. "Are you going to get started or just sit there?" are not good choice options. Never ask a question you do not want the answer to. "Are you going to put on your coat?"

    Try: "You may choose to do your work now and have a fun recess. Or you may do your work at recess."

5. Pick Your Battles

    Not every battle needs to be won. Not every battle needs to be fought. Ask yourself if the battle matters enough. Does it meet a goal? Is it an important part of the curriculum? Is it contributing to the positivity and productivity of the classroom?

6. Reinforce Desirable Behavior

    Focus more on the positive than the negative. Try to have more positive interactions. For every negative interaction try to have two positive interactions.

7. Simply Be Helpful

    Be supportive and uplifting. Show students you care.

8. Change Staff

    We've talked about knowing your triggers, Q-TIP, and tapping out if needed. It is ok to need a break. It is ok to know your limits. It is better to ask for help than to get into a power struggle that escalates you and the student.

9. Provide Leadership Roles and Opportunities

    Instead of a power struggle, give responsibility. Give a student a reason to want to be in your class. Help them by asking them to help you (remember that blog and lesson from good ol' Ben Franklin?).

10. Collaborate with Them

    This idea has me reflecting back to the Edutopia article from earlier. Work with not against a student. Be curious. 

We have choices. Choices other than engaging in power struggles. We can build relationships, collaborate, and support good behavior. We can ask for help, not take it personally, and give opportunities for leadership. 

RSVP No to power struggles.

Below is a picture with some more help tips regarding how to avoid or deescalate power struggles.