Mood Meter and Perspective Taking

 "We are all in the same storm, but we are not in the same boat."

This quote is from the collage course I am currently taking called, Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty & Stress. This class is through Yale and their center of Emotional Intelligence. The course is directed toward those working in schools and is an excellent source of SEL information. I highly recommend taking this course. Feel free to ask me more questions.

The quote stood out to me when thinking of the pandemic, our school, our staff, and of course our students. We are all experiencing the pandemic, but not in the same way. Some may feel they are on a lifeboat rowing through icy waters as they watch the Titanic sink. Others may feel moderate concern for their medium sized vessel as it sails through a gale on a Great Lake. And then others may feel they are on a pleasure cruise down the Mississippi, enjoying drinks and playing poker while a light breeze dances across their face. The storm is the same but due to your location and your boat size some feel safer than others.

To help ourselves, our co-workers, and our students through the storm we need to engage in perspective taking. 

Another idea that stood out to me in my class is that we need to engage in perspective taking more than empathy. One article in the reading stated that empathy can be challenging. The idea of empathy is to put yourself in someone's shoes. But how can you put yourself in another's shoes when you have never seen those kind of shoes before. This created a deeper understanding for me as I thought about our students and even co-workers.

Imagine someone walking into the school building with the strangest shoes you have ever seen. To you they appear uncomfortable, binding, limiting, and maybe even ugly. You probably do not want to try them on. Wearing the shoes would be empathy. Instead of asking to try on the shoes, take time to ask how they feel, where they are from, learn the story. This is perspective taking. 

Too often we assign a label to the emotions of others based on how we might feel in the same situation. Again, we are in the storm with others so we assume they are experiencing it the same way we are, even though their boat looks vastly different from our own. 

Marc Brackett, the professor of my course and the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, wrote a book entitled Permission to Feel and in this book he addresses the topic of identifying emotions without judgement. (If this concept sounds familiar that is because it directly relates to mindfulness.)

In his book Dr. Brackett share the Mood Meter.

This graphic is a great way to start a conversation regarding feelings. This X and Y axis table helps us observed our feelings to be a Data Point in our day and not the Definition of our day.

I would encourage us all to start utilizing this chart to check in through out the day. See if you are low or high on the X-Pleasantness and low or high on the Y-Energy.

Once you are able to identify the feeling and give it a name you can address the feeling in the way that will best help you. You can then ask the question "does this feeling serve a greater purpose for my well-being?". In psychology there is the idea that you have to "name it to tame it". Once you name a feeling you can learn to sit with it (Yellow and Green) or shift it (Blue and Red). 

The better you become at naming your own feelings the better you will be able to help your students name their own.

Take a day next week to set up random times for mood check ins. Ask yourself where you are at on the chart, note the level of X and Y and note what you are doing at that time as it relates to the feeling. After you are comfortable asking yourself about feelings set up a day to engage in this activity with your students.

SEL (social emotional learning) should never be seen as an "if I have time" but rather should be built in to your schedule daily. Studies show that those who are better able to identify their emotions achieve higher. 

This storm is strong, but so are we. Take some time to listen to another person and learn how well they are faring the storm in their boat. Take a minute to see how well you are sailing your own boat.