Defy Expectations and Show Compassion

This week I wanted to take a look at a topic I present on the parent blog last week. Human behavior and it's complexity. 

Our students are complex and some of them we know well and can predict how they will behave in a given situation. Other students, no matter how well we know them, we just do not know how they will react or behave.

Psychologist and Nobel Peace Prize recipient Daniel Kahneman dedicated much of his career and life to the study of human behave. As a child, before he even know his life path would be human behavior, Kahneman had an experience which led him to consider the complexity of human behavior.  

Daniel Kahneman was a young Jewish boy raised in Nazi occupied Paris, France. 

When asked to write his biography for the Nobel, Daniel wrote about an experience he had at the age of seven. Kahneman shared that during this time in his life, being a Jew during World War Two, he was forced to wear a yellow Star of David on his clothing. He also had curfews imposed on him. One day while out playing with a Christian friend, he realized he was out past curfew. In an attempt to make it home safely Daniel turned his sweater inside-out and began to walk a mile home.

As he walked home Daniel saw what he was taught to fear the most; an SS officer. They were the worst of the worst.

The SS officer called Daniel over to him. Daniel knew he had to follow the directions, but was nervous the SS officer would noticed his inside-out clothes and spot the star.

The SS office began to talk in German as he pulled out his wallet. The officer showed Daniel a picture of a young boy, about his age. The officer's son Daniel guessed. The officer then hugged Daniel, gave him money, and sent him on his way home.

This encounter could have meant certain death for Daniel, instead it taught him that his mother was right all of the times she told him "people are complex."

Our students are complex. Think for a moment the view some student may have of school and you. 

I had a middle school student come to my office this week and share something that had happened in class. He had made some poor choices based on the poor choices of another student. As he shared that interaction with me he faced away from me. When he was finished he turned around and asked if I had anything to say. I simply answered, no. He then, very perplexed asked, "you aren't disappointed in me?" Again, I answered very simply, no.

This student was ready for disappointment. When he was met with understanding, compassion, and empathy, he was at a loss and relieved. We then were able to talk through his choice, why he made it, and what he could learn from the experience. He knew he let his anger take control instead of him controlling his anger. He has had practice learning to handle his emotions. He shared that he has taken anger management classes. He knows SEL and Mindfulness. 

By the time the student left my office he was able to smile and express gratitude for a safe place that makes him feel wanted, included, and helps him talk through situations without judgment. 

I share these stories to help us take a look at human behavior. 

Daniel Kahneman in an interview on the podcast Experts on Experts, when a comment was made about Hitler, responded, "even Hitler liked dogs and babies." A man who could be bitter and filled with hate took a moment to recognized the humanity even in the worst of humanity. 

The student in my office this week could have left my office feeling worse about himself but my behavior surprised him for the good. Like the SS office, I defied an expectation and made someone's worry dissipate. 

Take a moment to think about your students. Are you showing them compassion, empathy, and deifying their expectations? 

Mindfulness teaches us to be in the moment. What, in this moment, can you do to show someone you care? What student needs to feel safe in the school? What student needs to feel wanted in your classroom? There is a quote that says "The children who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways." Have you returned their unloving requests with love? Or have you met the expectation that they believe adults don't care?

As we inch closer and closer to the end of the school year we have students longing for summer break. We also have students who know what it will mean to be home and wish to be at school. Taking time the next couple of weeks to teach some extra mindfulness may be equipping your students with coping skills for the summer ahead.

 

Taking Mindfulness Outdoors

 

This is a great time of year to explore outdoor mindfulness. This week I utilized a morning check in time with a friend to engage in outdoor mindful watching. A great outdoor mindfulness is to use your senses, such as, sight and hearing.

My second grade friend and I sat outside and for one minute sat quietly seeking out three things that we have never noticed before, were unique, or interested us. After we shared with each other. We also took some time to sit and listen to sounds. We were able to hear a variety of birds, cars, and an airplane. 

One of my favorite mindfulness activities involves bubbles. Bubbles are a great way to teach breathing, patience, and observation. For this mindfulness I provide a student with bubbles. I ask them to hold the bottle of bubbles and not start until we talk through the mindfulness activity. I then explain that after we blow the bubbles, we do not touch them. There is a no popping rule. Bubble mindfulness is about a deep breath in and slow breath out, sitting still, and watching the bubbles. It is an opportunity to ask students to watch were the bubbles go, what colors they see in the bubbles, how long does it take them to pop, and how many they were able to blow with one breath.

Other great outdoor mindful activities are to take a walk or do a scavenger hunt. A quiet walk, focusing on each step. A slow walk to observer and enjoy the surroundings as you move. Encourage students to think about the way their feet feel as they walk, do they feel wind, is the sun out, is it cloudy... You can pause to watch the clouds. You can also have a list of things to observe or find as a scavenger hunt. Have them observe a flower, pick a shape for a cloud, notice a bug, etc...

This time of year is a great time to be outside and practice mindfulness. Get students up, out, and moving. Movement and exercise is a way to boost mood. Fresh air and sunshine is a great way to boost mood. And mindfulness helps us be present, evaluate feelings, and find a way to be positive throughout the day. 

Laugh a Little

Have you laughed today?

Research shows that the average 4 year old laughs 300 times a day.

It takes the average 40 year old 2.5 months to laugh that much.

In one poll, when asked about laughing today, the average 23 year old answered 'no.' In fact, across adult age levels the answer did not become 'yes' until age 70-80. 

Our students want to laugh and unfortunately over the span of our lives we have been taught to laugh less. This creates a humor gap.

Studies show that laughing is important to our health. Laughing can be an act of mindfulness.

As you work toward the end of the year and you wrap up learning and present test after test it is important to stop and breath in deep and let out a laugh. Mindful Laughter

You can start a laughter mindfulness by introducing a smiling mindfulness. When we smile and laugh our brain begins releasing endorphins. Endorphins are those fun free happiness chemicals that flood our brains and make up feel good. The act of laughing can also help boost your immune systems by reducing your levels of cortisol. Laughing also releases the chemical oxytocin. The really cool thing is that these chemicals are all released at the same time. This makes your brain feel like it is exercising and meditating all at the same time.

Rates of depression due to the pandemic create an great need for us to step back and take time to laugh. 

Starting a mindful laughter practice can also be a good way to teach your students school appropriate humor. Our students are bombarded with displays of "humor" on the internet, on TV, and in movies. The humor they are presented with is often offensive, hurtful, and inappropriate. I recently spoke with a student who had a friend call her a derogatory name for a female. When confronted with this the girl stated it was a joke. In fact, the girl told others that it was an inside joke. The girl dealing with the name calling told me "how can it be an inside joke when I wasn't in on it?" 

I spoke recently with a classroom on humor in school and shared with the students that we need to be sure our humor does not hurt others. It isn't funny when we make others feel bad. Humor should not hurt. The joke I use as an example is one shared by a third grader a couple of years ago. The joke goes like this "Want to hear a joke?? It's about pizza....*pause*... never mind I can't tell you, it's too cheesy" With this joke I get great laugher, groans, and smiles. After the joke I always ask, was anyone hurt by this joke? 

We need humor. Our students need humor.

School days can seem long. The school year feels unending. And tests....let's not even talk about how those make teachers and students feel.

Have you tried taking time to laugh with your students? 

I remember my high school band director using humor to lighten the mood when we had to play the same thing over and over and over again. He would acknowledge the mundane and make himself the joke "I know, band directors famous last words....one more time..." We can show humor even in the things that have to be done. We had to practice until we knew the music. For marching band it had to be memorized. There is no way around playing the music over and over. To lighten the mood and break the tension, Mr. Anderson would make a joke. We would laugh. And then we got back to playing. 

Your students need to laugh. You need to laugh.

Mindfulness is about being present in the moment. The more we can learn this ability the better attention we can give to life. 

Taking some time to let your students laugh will help them feel happy and wake their brain. You can help them get out the laughter at an appropriate time, thus helping them focus at the right time too.

In a study conducted by researcher Avner Ziv it was found that students who were taught a lesson using humor where better able to recall information. In fact, those students who learned with humor did better on tests, out scoring those who were taught a lesson without humor. 

Today I was introduced to another helpful podcast. Hidden Brain. The episode I picked to listen to was on humor. If you have some time listen to the episode Humor Us.

I hope that you take time this week to find humor and share it with your students. To help get you started I am sharing one funny movie clip and one funny meme. Feel free to comment with something funny to share. Let's explore the mindful benefits of laughter. Humor me ;) 

I Sail There is something just simple and funny about this clip. It is a movie clip my husband and I often reference for a laugh.

 

Rituals for Motivation and Mindfulness

As we begin teacher appreciate week I wanted to take time to do a mindfulness post just for us. I hope that you find inspiration in this post. 

When you think of the word Ritual a variety of definitions may come to mind. For some it is spiritual or religious. For others they simply think of a habit or a routine. While rituals for some become a habit or routine and for some are associated with a belief; that is not all a ritual is or should be to us.

This weekend while listing to The Happiness Lab: Happiness Lessons of the Ancients, The Torah I was introduced to the idea of rituals playing a deeper role in our happiness. Then this morning on my way to work I was listening to another podcast, one that is usually just for fun, and again was presented with the idea of rituals and how they can help us. In The Office Ladies Bonus Episode: Monday Motivation the question was posed "Are you a Monday Motivation or a Friday Feeling person?" As the ladies explore this for themselves they shared rituals they often engage in to help with focus, relaxing, or just to stay on top of their daily lives. This week I wanted to share a little from each of these podcasts and pose questions about your rituals and how this can be a kind of mindfulness.

In the Happiness Lab episode Dr. Laurie Santos talks with Sarah Hurwitz. Sarah was a speech writer for President and Frist Lady Obama and author of the book, Here All Along. In this episode they talk about how Sarah found a deeper connection to life and learned to slow down when she began to explore Judaism and follow the rituals her faith asks/commands believers to follow and engage in. Dr. Santos used this idea of ritual connection to explore the deeper sense of happiness we can experience in our lives.

Sarah Hurwitz talks about rituals in her faith that are very much a foundation of mindfulness. Judaism asks believers to be grateful as soon as they wake up. This is very similar to having a daily gratitude practice. Sarah shares that for her faith it goes deeper and Jews are asked to continue to find gratitude throughout the day in all things they experience, thus asking them to always be present in all that they do. This is another mindfulness ritual. Mindfulness asks us to be in the moment and notice. Mindfulness asks us to show and experience gratitude.

You do not have to be Jewish to find beauty in the rituals of the faith. I remember years ago reading the Mitch Albom book, have a little faith, and being in deep awe of the rituals of the Jewish faith. Sarah talks in the podcast about how when you do not feel like engaging in a ritual, such as going to see a grieving family, that is when you need to do it the most. Once the act of faith is put into action the doer experiences the blessings from the act of ritual.

What act do you avoid doing but know it would support another person? What ritual could bring a deep sense of awe to your day and life? Doing this act could help you experience a deeper sense of gratitude, compassion, and open you to connection. This is a connection mindfulness. This is an act of well-being.

There are times the books I am reading or the podcast I am listening to fills me with such inspiration it is almost as if those podcasts and book write a blog post for me. This week is one of those weeks.

This morning on my way in to work I started an Office Ladies Motivation Monday bonus episode. I expected it to be full of The Office humor, funny tidbits about the ladies lives, and the general workings of the podcast. As I finish the episode I am sure these are things I will hear, but surprisingly it all started with the idea of ritual.

Angela Kinsey (who played Angela Martin) and Jenna Fisher (who played Pam Beesly Halpert) started the episode by answering the question "Are you a Motivation Monday or a Feeling Friday person?" 

Jenna talked about being a Motivation Monday and her lists. She went on to share that she will set a timer to read for 15 minutes and a timer to journal for 15 minutes. While she reads she keeps a notebook by her side and she will jot down thoughts as they come to her head. She lets the thought exist, writes it down, and then feels the release from the pull of that thought. 

Did you hear that mindfulness? 

Mindfulness teaches us to let a thought (or feeling) exist, watch it, accept it, and then let it go and move on.

Angela talked about being a Feeling Friday. She shared about how she sits on her back porch and has what her dad used to call "a thinking spot." In this spot she sits calmly and quietly and allows thoughts to exist.

As the ladies shared they talked about trying the ritual of the other. Angela said she liked idea of keeping a notebook by her in her thinking spot. 

This opened my mind to the idea of sharing rituals. Sharing mindfulness.

What is a ritual you find helpful, comforting, or inspiring? What is a mindfulness that brings fulfillment, peace, and joy to your day?

I encourage you to take some time to think about these questions. Maybe take some time to listen to one of the podcasts.  Then return here and leave a comment with a ritual or mindfulness. Perhaps your ritual could inspire someone to tweak, create, start, or refresh a ritual of their own. 

I'll get us started.

I have a mindfulness practice of morning gratitude. I sit in the quiet of my dining room with a cup of coffee and I use the app ReWi and I do a daily gratitude list. I list three things (at least) I am grateful for from the previous day and that morning. I also try to really spend time with the why. This leads to another well-being mindfulness called Savoring. Savoring is taking a gratitude and really exploring the details, the why, and recalling and reexperiencing the feelings related to the gratitude.

After listening to the Happiness Lab podcast I am intrigued by the idea of a ritual of gratitude. I want to work on experiencing and noticing it more throughout the day.