Circle Back to Better Resolutions

 

I found this graphic this week and thought it made a great follow up to last week.

Last week we talked about utilizing I Statements as a way to expressing feelings regarding a situation, without blaming others. 

When you read through The Grill Back you get blaming. 

When you read through The Circle Back you get accepting responsibility and working toward a resolution. 

As we work to be more mindful at school (and at home) it is good to take a few moments to reflect on how we are walking the mindful path.

Mindfulness teaches us to accept things as they are without judgement. That means accepting students and the fact that the may have behavior struggles. This does not mean accepting the behavior but rather accepting that they may happen. Then we can begin asking ourselves what message the student is conveying with the behavior, what needs they are seeking to have met, and how can you help them circle back.

Even reading the first line of each is a wake up call to how we address unwanted behaviors. Instead of saying "Um can we talk about earlier" just jump in and identify the challenge "Earlier was hard for us, wasn't it?" Let the student know the situation was hard on more then you and more then them. The second statement helps identify the feeling and who it affected (this is a nice little piece of a restorative conversation). 

When we begin to reframe from a feeling perspective we take ownership. This teaches our students how to take ownership too.

Owning feelings, especially the unpleasant ones is not easy for adults and we have a fully formed brain (if you are 25+ years old). We need to take intentional time to teach students this challenging skill.

Conflict resolution is a skill quickly being lost. With more and more students spending more and more time on screens they lose the interpersonal skills needed to work through a situation. For most of our students a resolution to conflict is to shut off a screen. What happens when its a person in front of you and not a screen? Our students struggle. Some adults do too.

Learning to talk with others helps us resolve not avoid conflict. Learning to address a situation from a feelings stand point helps with ownership instead of blaming.

Try some of the phrases from The Circle Back. Think of how you can reframe the way you address concerning behaviors and attitudes. 

How do you talk with your students regarding what you saw and what you want to see from them?

If you find you are using more statements from The Grill Back, follow the advice from The Circle Back and try and take more breaths.

Before you address a student do a quick self check and see if you can identify your feelings without judgment and if you can express them without blaming.

Take a breath together with the student. Lead by example. 

** Do Yourself a Favor and  Call the Number Below**

707-873-7862

It is a school project where kindergartners give you encouragement. It is the cutest. Enjoy!