New Year, New Opportunities for Growth

Take the next 11 minutes and listen to a TED talk on Conflict Resolution . 

As we continue moving forward in this first month of the new year it would benefit us greatly to take time to reflect on last year and make a plan to move forward. As we talked about last week, it's not about a new year's resolution but about a new year's change toward self-improvement to help students make improvements.

We lead by example.

One the of the biggest things I have noticed over the years is this: Students do not know how to handle, manage, and resolve conflict. With the increase in screen use I have seen a decrease in conflict resolution skills. For our students conflict resolution is turning off a screen and ignoring the situation in hopes it will go away. 

How do you do with handling conflict? 

Do you eat the granola and seethe? (watch the Ted talk if you haven't yet)

Do you avoid eye contact and hope it all just goes away?

Do you close/turn off the screen and call it solved?

Or.... 

Do you engage in compassionate curiosity?

How do your students handle conflict? What example have you shown them?

Helpguide.com has shared an article called, Conflict 101.

Below is the list they shared regarding conflict.

1. Conflict is more than just a disagreement. One or both parties see it as a threat.

2. Conflict festers when it is ignored.

3. People respond to conflict based on their own perceptions, life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs. 

4. Conflict triggers strong emotions.

5. Conflict is an opportunity for growth. 

Conflict is inevitable. Understanding that it will happen and it is an opportunity for growth can be the first step for us to start a new year with a new outlook.

Amita Patel a licensed psychotherapist shared some conflict resolution skills in a blog she titled, Fight Like An Adult. We learn more about ourselves than others when we take a look at how we resolve conflict. 

Amita shared the following:

1. Keep a goal in mind.

2. Avoid grandiose or absolute statements such as "always" and "never".

3. Replace conjunctions. Change BUT to AND. This makes the statement solution focused as a team.

4. Confirm understanding, instead of listening to plan a retort or unconsciously assigning meaning.

5. Say what you want not what you don't want.

This list can help us keep our resolution person centered. It can help us be open to understanding others and their point of view.

In conflict resolution it is also important to remain open minded and stay evidence based. We would benefit from engaging in self-reflection and also reflecting on the perspective of the other person.

As professionals we can take conflict management skills and apply them to our personal and professional lives. We can also take theses skills and share them with students. We can take time to utilize and teach I-Statements. We can listen to our students with compassionate curiosity. We can confront a situation with facts, stay focused on a goal, and use the conflict as an opportunity to bring forth a positive change. 

 

The more we can take time to work on how we resolve conflicts the better equipped we will be to help our students resolve conflict.

If we want to help students build life skills, reduce outbursts, and reduce (or eliminate) fighting in the classroom we need to work on conflict resolution. 

Take this new year as a new opportunity for growth.