Reframe not Stop Your Feelings

 Each new year brings with it new plans (goals, resolutions), new hopes, and new emotions. The emotions that we experience are not always the ones in which we want to feel. While each new year is filled with wonder, hope, excitement, and pride; it can also be filled with emotions left behind from the previous year. You might experience a sense of regret, longing, guilt, disappointment, or sadness. With all of the possible emotions coming your way it would seem easier to simply turn it all off.

Instead of making a new year's resolution to have Alexia turn off your feelings try a mindful approach to the new year.

Let's begin with what to do about (or with) our feelings, instead of turning them off and dismissing them.

When we look at our feelings and the new year with mindfulness we can see a new way to design the new year. We can learn to reframe our thoughts and feelings.

Psychologists from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, Robin Stern and Marc Brackett have shared that we should take phrases such as;

"I need to work out to lose weight and not be fat."

and turn them into,

"I plan to wake early and work out to help boost my mood and feel like my best self."

We can do this with feelings as well. Take a feeling and reframe it. 

If you are feeling frustrated by a situation reframe it to be an opportunity for change, build resilience, or a time to let something go.

NYU Research Psychologist Gabriele Oettinger has pioneered the concept of goal disengagement. 

Often we set a goal for ourselves and when we fail to accomplish the goal we berate ourselves. We begin to experience feelings we would rather turn off than feel. Instead of ruminating on the feeling of frustration and disappoint, reframe the feeling and disengage from the goal.

Perhaps you set a personal goal to lose weight and you did not reach the goal weight you set for yourself. Instead of feeling angry or frustrated reframe the feeling and disengage from the goal.

Allow yourself space to feel the frustration and then remind yourself that you can still make healthy choices and reframe the feeling as hopeful that you are making the best choices for your mental and physical health.

As we explore this topic for ourselves we can learn new ways to help our students reframe feelings when they are upset about not reaching a goal. 

If a student is upset about a grade, help them reframe the feeling to address that they tried and have learned where they need to keep trying.

Teaching ourselves and our students a mindful way to reframe, not stop a feeling, can help them see the present in a more positive and hopeful way.

What can you reframe?

What goal can you disengage from this year?

How can you allow yourself to feel, reframe, and let go?