Think Again

 Overthinking v Rethinking

Are you an overthinker? Do you ever find yourself in an infinite loop of rumination? 

For some they feel that overthinking means that they are putting a lot of thought and effort into something to ensure that it is done right. Or at least what they believe to be, done right.

Science has found that overthinking can inhibit decisive action and can actually cause decision paralysis. The truth is, overthinking doesn't help us make better choices but rather it cause us to make none at all.

The process of overthinking can also lead to heighten anxiety, impair making correct choices, overemphasize a problem, and cause forecasting (spending too much time guess what will happen as an outcome). 

Overthinking causes a lot of us to spend time ruminating. Ruminating centers on the past, dwelling, and brooding. Rumination can lead to sadness, regret, and depression.

Rumination focuses on "What I should have done...." and can lead to catastrophic thinking; going over the worst case  scenario and hypervigilance; always watching and always on guard. 

The more we overthink and ruminate the more we engage in avoidance behavior. We believe it is better to not do something than to do it wrong and have to think about the mistakes over and over again.

Why is it important for us to know this kind of information? The answer is simple, overthinking negatively impacts the brain.

The more we overthink and ruminate the more we strengthen the negative thinking neural pathways in our brain. A study done in 2023 found that when we overthink we train our brain to anticipate the negative and reinforce those neural pathways.

When I begin teaching our students about mindfulness I share with them that we are working to grow our Prefrontal Cortex and create positive neural pathways. Our Prefrontal Cortex is our center for wise choices, attention, and problem solving. When we overthink and ruminate we are negatively impacting the Prefrontal Cortex and create neural pathways that cause overthinking loops and fuel the cycle to continue.

Overthinking can also cause an increase in cortisol levels, which is the stress hormone. This can cause higher risks of anxiety and depression.

I know, that was a lot of information thrown at you. If you are like me you find it fascinating and helpful. I can look at people in my life and identify the overthinking and rumination. I know those people in my life also have high blood pressure and are often irritated by things that really do not affect them. 

Are you an overthinker? Do you know one? Do you have one in class? 

Are there students who freeze on tests, afraid to mark any answer for fear of getting one wrong? Do you have a student who does not want to come to school, has anxiety, or always seems to be negative?

You probably have an overthinker.

Mindfulness practices can help us learn to rethink. Look at things in a new light. See something from a new angle. Rethinking is to think again from a new perspective.

When we take time to calm our bodies, quiet our brains, and look again, we learn to rethink.

I started this post with words from Adam Grant. He has a podcast focused on Rethinking. Take a listen. He will have you rethinking from a new perspective what you were overthinking and ruminating. 

When we learn to mindfully rethink a situation we see things in a new light. 

This weekend try taking some time to assess if you are an overthinker and see how you could change that to rethinking. Could you be done with a thought? Could you shift? Take a deep breath and boldly rethink and gain a new perspective.

The Moment in the Middle

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In the space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." -Author Unknown but often attributed to Viktor Frenkl, there is no clear evidence to refute or confirm.

The space between stimulus and response. 

We often to do not think about this space. But we should!

The Buddhists call this space the sacred pause. This is a space and time to pause and make wise choices regarding a situation.

Tara Brach, who is a psychologist, author, and meditation expert often refers to the sacred pause. She shared that this is a time to stop before we interject, interrupt, or strongly state our views. We do not always need to do these things and can benefit from taking a sacred pause.

A sacred pause is a moment in limbo, where you do not feel a need to speak, fix, achieve, resist, resolve, or run away. 

It is our moment in the middle.

We can use this mindful meditation with ourselves, our co-workers, and our students. We can also teach our students to utilize this mindfulness to help with conflict resolution.

The way we can practice the sacred pause is to:

1. Notice. Simple take in the information regrading the situation. Notice without reacting or responding. Simply observe as if you are an outsider.

2. Identify your personal emotions regarding your observation, Identify your inner experience related to what you noticed. What are you experiencing as far as; fight, flight, freeze, or faint? 

3. Take a deep breath. And do this over and over. As much as necessary to remain in the in between. 

After you have completed this process take time to then ask yourself some questions:

1. What is most important to me? What matters right now? Does it matter if I am right? Will this serve my greater wellbeing?

2. Is it helpful to act on my feelings? Will I or other benefit from a reaction to my feelings?

3. How can I meet this situation with kindness?

4. What is the truest path forward? The greater good.

In the end when we take time for a sacred pause we can ask ourselves "what is the goal of my reaction?"

The next time a stimulus has you ready to jump into response, pause, ask yourself your goal, and then meet it with kindness. 
 

Kindfulness

My Pebble of Humor. This guy has some funny shorts( and amazing mugs). Enjoy.

Now that we have had a good laugh (I hope) lets take a real look at kindness. Below is a link to a book read on YouTube. The book is called Kindness is My Superpower. It is a great book for our younger students. 

Kindness is my Superpower

How does kindness fit into our daily lives? How important is kindness? Does it connect to mindfulness? 

In a 2015 article on Mindful.org, author Shamash Alidina shares her thoughts and findings on kindness and mindfulness.

Alidina shares that we cannot truly be mindful until we bring kindness to our mindfulness. 

If we think about our definition of mindfulness we find that this is ever present. "Pay attention, on purpose, without judgement." When we engage in mindfulness without judgement we are showing kindness to ourselves and others.

A monk named Ajahn Brahm coined a tern for kindness within mindfulness, kindfulness. Imagine meeting your feelings with kindness and being gentle with yourself, even in the face of unpleasant feelings.

Alidina in her article goes on to share that she sees kindness and mindfulness as two wings of one bird. When we engage both we soar to great heights of wisdom, unconditional joy, and deep peace.

So how do we engage kindness into our mindfulness?

First we can practice a mindful meditation called Loving-Kindness. This is a mindfulness that asks us to send well wishes to ourselves, those we love, and those we struggle with the most. 

Another way to infuse mindfulness with kindness is to take time to place our hands on our hearts as we take in deep breaths. We can also close our eyes and smile. Make sure that while you are engaging in the practice you are listening with your heart and not focusing with your head. 

We can also engage objects into the mindfulness to remind us of kindness. For many, young and old, a cuddle/hug gives the feeling of security. This is a kind gesture toward yourself. We can do this by grabbing a stuffed animal and squeezing tight. Don't have one near you, find anything that holds meaning to you. It might sound silly, but perhaps you are grateful for water and you are showing kindness to yourself by having a bottle of water. Grab the water and hold it close while you breathe in and be thankful. 

Don't forget kind words. Ourself talk is often the worst talk we do in the day. We diminish our accomplishments, belittle our efforts, and berate ourselves for mistakes. Kindness mindful behavior looks like using a softened, positive self-talk. Relax, take it easy, and tell yourself "I can keep going."

Let's practice Loving-Kindness together.

Take a deep breath in. 

As you breathe in think of something you wish for yourself today. Use kind words with yourself.

Hold in the breath and the wish.

Then release the wish with the breath.

Take another deep breath in. 

As you breathe in think of someone you love and care about deeply. What do you wish for them today?

Hold in the breath and the wish.

Then release the wish with the breath.

Last deep breath in.

This breath is for someone you struggle to like, get along with, or maybe even dislike greatly.  Be gentle. Be kind. While this wish it toward them, it is for you. This is showing your kindness and lightening your emotional load.

Breathe in and hold the breath and wish.

Breathe out and release the wish.

Now that we are done with the mindfulness practice lets ask ourselves a question; do i feel warm, calm, and peaceful?

After a true kind mindfulness, kindfulness, we should feel a sense of peace and calm. We should not be angry, irritated, or simply glad the activity is completed.

Can you take a moment today to infuse your mindfulness with kindness and ask yourself if that helped you feel peaceful and calm?

Just Be Patient

 In a recent study of 3,000 Americans, 45% of Millennials (those born between 1981-1996) reported to feeling less patient than they did 5 years ago. They shared that they blame technology.

With technology at our finger tips we live in a low-effort, high-reward society. This kind of world is not conductive to cultivating patience. 

Even though patience is a virtue we as humanity have long seen as important, it is only something that psychologist have begun to study in the last 20-30 years.

Psychologist Sarah Schnitker published her patience research findings in The Journal of Positive Psychology. In her article, An Examination of Patience and Well-Being, Schnitker shares that patience is positively correlated with well-being. She reports that it also correlates to positive coping skills and thriving.

The definition of patience is,  the propensity of a person to wait calmly in the face of frustration, adversity, or suffering. 

I don't know about you, but reading that definition had me reflecting on my patience. The word propensity mean, the inclination or natural tendency toward.  

Do you have a natural tendency toward or are you inclined to be patient? 

Do you have that inclination in the face of frustration? 

The beginning of a new school year is a time for great patience. You need to have a propensity toward patience when students struggle to put into practice the guidelines, rules, and required behaviors you are establishing in your classroom. 

If we think about the fact that nearly half of all millennials state they feel less patient due to technology, what might that mean for our students? Do they even have or understand what it means to be patient?

How do we help cultivate patience in our students (and ourselves)?

The Cleveland Clinic shared a list of 6 tips to increase patience. Their top tip: Mindfulness.

The Calm App has also shared a list of their top 10 tips for building patience. Their top two are, to look for opportunities to be patient and to practice mindfulness.

As a school we utilize mindfulness for our students, not to simply fill time, but to help improve their well-being. We as adults can use mindfulness to help improve our own well-being and patience. 

After reading the lists shared by the Cleveland Clinic and the Calm App I have compiled a list of suggestions to help us increase our patience as we help teach patience to our students.

1. Mindfulness. Do your own. Do it with your class. Use Inner Explorer,

2. Look for an opportunity to be patient. Did you come to school today? If you answered yes, then you found an opportunity to be patient. Don't waste this time. Utilize it.

3.Shift your perspective. A student is not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. 

4. Accept what is out of your control. You can give directions but a student has to choose to follow them.

5. Listen well. Often times we listen to respond. Make sure you listen to understand.

6. Build tolerance for discomfort. Practice active ignoring, when safe. Don't sweat the small stuff.

7. Create a go to calming routine. What do you do to calm down? Do you have a calming space in your class? Do you use a calming app? (I use the Calm app and listen to The Daily Jay)

8. Empathize. Remember you were once young, new to school, and had to learn new rules.

9. Remember what matters most to you. Think ahead to long term goals. Do not engage in a power struggle now to be right in the moment. Build a relationship and focus on the long term goals.

10. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your students. We will all have moments of impatience. Remember our mindfulness definition, pay attention on purpose without judgement. Do not judge for the moments you cannot handle it. Ask for support. Give support where it is needed. Be kind.

Below is the self evaluation Schnitker utilized in her research. How is your patience looking? Which of the ten tips might you need to focus on to help build your patience?