Take it Easier on Yourself

If you have been with us since 2019 and have been reading along, this is blog #200! Some blogs during the pandemic were funny or uplifting memes (Pebbling before it was a thing 😉), some have been blogs reviewing topics we talked about before but with a new look, and some have been fun for the holiday spirit (see 'Twas The Week Before Break). I hope that you have enjoyed and learned from a blog or two.

This week I want to talk about Self- Compassion. Before we get started feel free to take the free Self-Compassion Assessment created by Dr. Kristin Neff, PhD.

Self- Compassion while secular has some roots in the Buddhist ideals of compassion toward oneself. Three of the six components to self-compassion come from the Buddhist. They are; kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Dr. Neff's list is as follows; Self-kindness, Self-Judgment, Common Humanity, Isolation, Mindfulness, and Over-Identification. 

The word compassion in Latin refers to how we are with (com) suffering (passion). The idea of self-compassion asks us, how do we suffer with ourselves. 

Research shows that we are better at showing compassion to others. We give grace when others are failing. We give comfort when others are feeling down. But we are harsh on ourselves. For many they feel they need to be tough on themselves. They need to "accept" their shortcomings. But in reality, the harder we are on ourselves the higher our risk of anxiety and depression become. 

If you took the assessment you can tell by some of the questions what we need to do to improve our self-compassion.

We need to understand that others have challenges too, we aren't the worst, we all fail, its ok to accept our shortcomings, we don't have to beat ourselves up for the parts of our personality we struggle to like.

It can be a struggle to get started with self-compassion but we do have some mindfulness tool that can help us.

One mindfulness exercise we can practice encourages us to Rate the Behavior NOT Ourselves. 

More often than not we evaluate ourselves and show little compassion based on ourselves. We forget that a behavior does not define us. 

A behavior does not define a student.

Take a deep breath in, settle into a relaxed position, and remind yourself that you are not defined by your actions. You are not your behaviors. Our behavior may have failed that moment, but we are not a failure. 

When you catch yourself becoming intolerant to your imperfections remember to step back, breath in, and show yourself compassion.

Below is a guided mediation to help you begin your journal of self-compassion.