It's The Most Prosocial Time of the Year

This time of year children (and adults) can begin to engage in selfish behaviors. The season of giving has turned into the season of getting. It is a very "me, me, me" time of year (for some). But it doesn't have to be. It can become the Most Prosocial Time of the Year. 

What does this mean? How can we connect this to our students? Ourselves? Mindfulness?

Prosocial Behavior is a very well-being focused idea, and as we know mindfulness is focused on the present moment and making it a well-being moment.

Prosocial Behavior is defined as, voluntary actions specifically intended to benefit or improve the well-being of another individual or group of individuals. 

This time of year, as adults we can engage in prosocial spending. Spending our money to benefit others. But we can also engage in prosocial time. Giving others our time. I encourage you to take some time before break to spend a few minutes with each student. Give them a little one-on-one time before they go home for two weeks. They may not be gifted with prosocial time during break. Home does not always mean time with others for our students. Sometimes it means more time alone.

The idea behind prosocial giving/behavior, is that we work for the better of others. There are times that this can be reciprocal, such as our yearly Secret Santa (which is coming up, consider joining). This can also be altruistic, meaning that we give to benefit others, without return. This kind of prosocial behave is putting others before yourself and giving of yourself to them instead of giving to yourself.

Remember that activities such as Secret Santa are a fun way to engage in prosocial spending. This is also a great way to connect with others and build relationships.

But why should be do it? 

In psychology the questions have been posed and tested. We have learned the why.

Will a person be happier spending money on themselves or will the spending on others increase their happiness?

The answer is: Spending on others.

This is spending not just money, but time, self, and emotions.

How does this translate into the classroom?

Creating and allowing opportunities for students to engage in prosocial behavior is important and easy. 

Post a Mood Meter (I can send you a copy if you need it). Use it with the students. Teach them to identify their own feelings. This will help them identify feelings of others. Students can then begin to ask others if they need help, if they are alright, and what they need to be successful that day.

Prosocial behavior is teaching fair play at recess time. Teach students to resolve conflict, share, and play fair.

Encouraging positive peer connections. 

Have students write notes to each other, sharing encouragement, and letting someone else know that they are special.

Have a prize box and encourage students to tell you who they feel has earned a prize. 

Mx. Wray shared the idea that you can place a blank sheet of paper on each students desk. Then have the students rotate around the room writing a positive note on each paper. Give students some examples on the board and let them know that we want to say one nice thing for each student. 

This time of year is the perfect time of year to embrace and grow your prosocial skills.

It's the Most Mindful Time of the Year

 The German's have a single word to describe the feeling of joyful anticipation; Vorfeude. 

With the holiday season upon us many may be experiencing vorfeude. The reality of this time of year is that while many feel joyful anticipation, many do not. In fact, our brains have a natural tendency toward a negative bias. Our brains are programed to fear the worst. 

Statistics show:

85% of American's celebrate Christmas. 

16.9% of children in the US live in poverty

15-17.9% of Michigan children live in poverty

Songs tell us that this is the most wonderful time of the year, and for many of us it can be, but for some it's just another month of the year. 

During the month of December I challenge you to make mindfulness a priority. Studies show that we can help our brains shift focus with mindfulness. Studies also tell us that repetition deepens our desire to do mindfulness and benefit from it's positive effects. 

Use mindfulness to break up long days, long lessons, or provide a much needed calm down time. Use mindfulness to shift focus when you observe difficult moments.

Not all of our students will celebrate a holiday this December. Some will celebrate a holiday different than our own. Mindfulness can help you connect during a time in which students may feel disconnected from others due to having a different celebration, or no celebration at all.

One of my favorite winter time mindfulness activities is Hot Chocolate Breathing. You could even suggest other hot beverages if students don't like hot chocolate. There is always tea, cider, and coffee.

Hot Cup of Mindfulness Breathing

Author Kira Willey has new book out called, Hot Cocoa Calm which you can see and hear on the YouTube link.

It is a cute book for our younger students. 

Once you teach this breathing you could have a hot cocoa day and play this video while practicing the breathing and enjoying some hot chocolate. 

I would also encourage you to take some time to check out Kira Willey's Website to learn more about her books, yoga, and music. If you need some upbeat music to play while students have indoor recess, are cleaning up, or just need a movement break check out her songs on Spotify or YouTube. 

I would also encourage you to take some time to watch Kira's TedTalk called Bite Sized Mindfulness. She shares about how all kids can do mindfulness and how when you make it enjoyable they like it and want to do it. She also shares that no matter the background of a student (or adult) all of us can do mindfulness. She also reminds us that consistency is key. This goes back to our beginning thought about repetition deepening the ability and desire to do mindfulness.

Let's take time this month and as we close out 2022 to put a new focus on mindfulness. Open yourself up to a mindfulness practice and then share it with students. Make this the most mindful time of the year.

Resources to Help Build Skills

 This week I wanted to take some time to share some resources that you may find helpful for yourself and your students.

ADDitude Magazine

This website is dedicated to ADHD education. There are sections for; Professionals (educators), Parents, Adults with ADHD, and even a section for testing. The testing sections is a great little quiz you can review to see if behaviors fall into the ADHD category.

Below is a great poster you can download and print. It helps explain ADHD to teachers. It breaks down what you see and what is going on underneath.

If you take time to explore this site I guarantee you will find something helpful. I found this site through an article on utilizing praise systems for students with ADHD. 

The next resource is a great SEL (social emotional learning) resource. AND ITS FREE. 

Harmony

I have used Harmony over the years for various posters, material, and education ideas for students. This week they shared that they have added some online SEL games. They even have an app you can download. I have explored the online games and they are user friendly and help students with working on emotions and behaviors. There is a game called Battle the Bullybot. It is a game that gives scenarios related to bullying and asks the students what to do or if the right thing was done in a situation. This could be a great way to take brain breaks. Explore the site and try a game. Students can play alone or together.

Don't forget about Inner Explorer. Put this into practice daily and you will have the easiest 5-10 minutes of your day. Our kindergarten teachers tell me their favorite is the 2-Minutes of silent mindfulness lesson. Mrs. Cords states that it is the quietest her class gets. She states that they can do it and they do it well! Give it a try.

For teachers of older students, have you ever wondered about your students' strengths?

The Virtues in Action Survey is a great way to explore this topic. You can take it too. I've completed the survey for classes I've taken and I have loved seeing the results. The VIA talks about your top strengths as well as your bottom. They never say you don't have a quality on the list, just that you lack it more than others, It is presented less in your life. In classes I've had we were challenged to build our bottom strengths by utilizing our top strengths. I have used the VIA to help create daily goal plans for middle school students. The VIA was created with idea that we should look at strengths and not simply criteria for the criteria for mental health diagnoses  (ie the DSM aka a how to for billing insurance companies). 

With cold months ahead you may find you are inside during recess. You can utilize this time to present an option of controlled movement and mindfulness. ALO Yoga is a great site with free lessons. They use mindfulness and yoga to help children. They have some with titles such as; "Post-Lunch Refocus" and "Yoga for Confident Learning". Each session is under 10 minutes and features an adult and children working though the lesson together.

This week I want to leave with this last link. It is a video of high school students explaining how mindfulness has helped them. I love finding videos of students sharing out. We as adults can express the benefits, but when you hear from a student, the impact is different and powerful. The Power of Mindfulness

Circle Back to Better Resolutions

 

I found this graphic this week and thought it made a great follow up to last week.

Last week we talked about utilizing I Statements as a way to expressing feelings regarding a situation, without blaming others. 

When you read through The Grill Back you get blaming. 

When you read through The Circle Back you get accepting responsibility and working toward a resolution. 

As we work to be more mindful at school (and at home) it is good to take a few moments to reflect on how we are walking the mindful path.

Mindfulness teaches us to accept things as they are without judgement. That means accepting students and the fact that the may have behavior struggles. This does not mean accepting the behavior but rather accepting that they may happen. Then we can begin asking ourselves what message the student is conveying with the behavior, what needs they are seeking to have met, and how can you help them circle back.

Even reading the first line of each is a wake up call to how we address unwanted behaviors. Instead of saying "Um can we talk about earlier" just jump in and identify the challenge "Earlier was hard for us, wasn't it?" Let the student know the situation was hard on more then you and more then them. The second statement helps identify the feeling and who it affected (this is a nice little piece of a restorative conversation). 

When we begin to reframe from a feeling perspective we take ownership. This teaches our students how to take ownership too.

Owning feelings, especially the unpleasant ones is not easy for adults and we have a fully formed brain (if you are 25+ years old). We need to take intentional time to teach students this challenging skill.

Conflict resolution is a skill quickly being lost. With more and more students spending more and more time on screens they lose the interpersonal skills needed to work through a situation. For most of our students a resolution to conflict is to shut off a screen. What happens when its a person in front of you and not a screen? Our students struggle. Some adults do too.

Learning to talk with others helps us resolve not avoid conflict. Learning to address a situation from a feelings stand point helps with ownership instead of blaming.

Try some of the phrases from The Circle Back. Think of how you can reframe the way you address concerning behaviors and attitudes. 

How do you talk with your students regarding what you saw and what you want to see from them?

If you find you are using more statements from The Grill Back, follow the advice from The Circle Back and try and take more breaths.

Before you address a student do a quick self check and see if you can identify your feelings without judgment and if you can express them without blaming.

Take a breath together with the student. Lead by example. 

** Do Yourself a Favor and  Call the Number Below**

707-873-7862

It is a school project where kindergartners give you encouragement. It is the cutest. Enjoy!

The Power of "I"

 Feelings happen. 

If you take some time to study the brain and it's behavior, then you will learn that we utilize our emotion center more often than we utilize our logic center.

Our Amygdala, which is part of what is known as our Reptilian Brain, is our emotion center. This is our center for Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Faint. This is part of our sympathetic nervous system. Our fear response. Our safety center. We need this, however, we do not want to simply run on this all of the time. When we run on this we create higher levels of cortisol in our body. Cortisol is our stress hormone. Too much can do significant harm to our body.

We need to learn how to slow down our thinking, switch off the Amygdala and turn on the Prefrontal Cortex. Our Prefrontal Cortex is our wise brain, our logic center.

How do we start this process? Where do we begin?

More often than not when feelings arise we blame others, express them in a big way, or do not address them at all.

We need to learn to identify and express them in a healthy way. We need to lead by example so our students begin to do that same.

If you have never tried to utilize an "I Statement" try it today.

Teaching and utilizing the "I Statement" takes a feeling from blaming to owning. We own the feeling we have and we assert it, not blame it on others. 

I feel frustrated when you choose not to listen to directions because it tells me that you are not focused or ready for the day. I'd like you to take some time to refocus and find a way to help yourself listen better. Maybe you could take a five minute break in the calm down corner.

I statements express a feeling about a situation. They do not shame or blame. 

it's not... 

Why is it you never listen to directions?

Are you even listening to me?

Is there a good reason you aren't listening?

You never listen!

Children (and adults) more often than not will stop listening when a statement is blaming. It is a comment reaction to become defensive, shut down, and not change the behavior.

An I Statement expresses how an action makes someone feel. The feeling belongs to the other person, you cannot tell them it is right or wrong. When you hear a feeling statement you listen from a perspective of understand not defense. 

A mindful way to address a concern is to utilize an I Statement.

I statements give the listener time to use the logic brain not the emotion brain.

Support v Enabling

                      How do you support your students? Are you really enabling?

At times it is difficult to tell whether or not we are supporting verses enabling our student's behaviors. As we explore the differences we can learn to build a supportive classroom and ensure we are not enabling negative behaviors.

The goal of support is to build resilience and develop coping strategies.  

Support should always empower a student to move forward toward greater stability and independence.

When we support a student we acknowledge difficulties yet not eliminate them. We should not be removing obstacles for children but rather teach them how to navigate and work through them.

Supporting a student means working with a child to overcome obstacles, manage fears, and build confidence for the future.

It is important to acknowledge feelings and validate them. This does not mean that we encourage the negative or allow them to be presented in a negative way. We can allow difficult emotions as long as we teach students to express them in a healthy way.

We can support students by providing clear, simple, and practical assistance. We can model healthy coping skills.

Ensure that you are providing structure that is appropriate for a child's age and ability. 

Remember to notice the small steps forward and praise the effort even if the outcome isn't to your desired goal yet. Keep coaching through the problems and help them get to where you want them to be.

While setting up structure ensure that you are not enabling negative behaviors by giving in to complaints or demands. It is easy to create peace in the short term but it will cause harm to your structure in the long term.

Address what is going on instead of allowing children to avoid uncomfortable situations. When we do not show them how to address a challenge we inadvertently teach them to cover up what they did or cover up what they forgot to do. Talk through the challenges and address them in real time.

Do not wait. Address things as they happen. Teach students to express feelings in a healthy way. Do not speak up for them when they have the ability to speak for themselves. Allow them the time and space to state and express their own feelings. This will help them take ownership and create a better understanding.

Remember: If you get upset WITH them instead of staying calm, YOU create emotional fireworks. Avoid the fireworks and stay calm. Show them how to be calm in difficult times and work through the feelings instead of exploding them.

Allow students to experience disappointment. Do not protect your students from natural consequences. They need to learn how to accept failure, disappointment, and the consequences for their actions. 

A Space for Calm

How well do you calm down when your emotions are running high?

Do you always take the time to process your emotions? If no, how well do you function if you allow the emotions to continue to control your mind and body?

As adult we do not always address our emotions in the healthiest way, if we address them at all. Adults often compartmentalize, hide, deny, or pretend their emotions are not overwhelming. Not all emotions are easily handled. 

When emotions become overwhelming our focus is diminished and so is learning.

If you haven't already, consider making a calming space for you class. 

Below is a link to a really great example of a calm down corner. This example would be best used for 3rd grade on up.

Calm Down Space

I really like the idea of the check in sheet. Have students sign in with name and time they use the space. This will help you keep track and notice patterns. You can use this data to talk with parents regarding; classroom behavior, self-regulation ability, and emotional needs. I also like the idea of taking time to explain how to use the space and then practicing the procedure. 

Think about how your class runs now. Do you have what we call "high flyers"? The students who are walking out, always wanting a break, or simply being disruptive? Perhaps they have some unchecked-in on emotions. Perhaps they brought home emotions to school and do not know how to separate home and school and they do not know how to process the feelings.

All classes can benefit from a calming and peaceful space. Below is another example of why and how to set up a structured space.

Peace Corner 

A peace corner should have a set of agreed upon limits. Five minutes is a great amount of time to get a student in a better spot. We have previously reviewed that chemically, our body only experience an emotion for about a minute and half. After that time it is our brain ruminating. Five minutes allows for feeling, processing, and calming. In the beginning a student may need a few more minutes until they begin to learn self-regulation and the ability to utilize the needed materials or manipulatives to help with a specific emotion.

When you set up and explain your calming space don't be afraid to share about the brain, the science, and the why behind the space. Normalize the need and encourage students to give each other understanding and privacy. Talk about not watching students. Talk about not asking why the space was used. Encourage the understanding that we all need to process emotions in a healthy way.

Set limitations and post them. Make it known that it is one person at a time, to help with challenging and distracting feelings. Ensure the students know that the space is not an escape from learning and should not be used to play or sleep.

The time you give to explaining and demonstrating the use of the calm space will be given back to you the more students learn to utilize the space and calm their emotions.  

If you need help setting up a space please reach out. I have resources and can help you take time to explain the space to your students.