RULER

 This week I had the opportunity to spend some time in music class. I observed a great conversation about mindfulness, ways to calm down, and utilizing the mood meter. 

I wanted to take some time to share the RULER method which can be utilized along side the mood meter.

RULER

R: Recognize emotions in Yourself and Others

U: Understand the Causes and Consequences of emotions

L: Label emotions with Nuanced vocabulary (using the Mood Meter)

E: Express emotions in accordance with cultural norms and social context (how you show emotions in various places)

R: Regulate emotions with Helpful Strategies (maybe you need to learn healthy ways to let them express an emotion)

The first step to Ruler relates to simply acknowledging you have a feeling. Recognizing your own emotions is an important step in helping others recognize their own emotions. 

Then we need to understand the emotion. We cannot simply say "I am having a feeling" and walk away. Stating a feeling exists is only the first step in emotional intelligence. Understanding emotions means we know where they are coming from, what has caused this emotion to arise? And then understand the consequence of the emotion. Will this emotion benefit me? Will it cause a problem if not addressed? 

Label this emotion. Once you have recognized you are feeling an emotion give it a name. This is the psychology saying of "name it to tame it." Help students label their emotions. Giving something a name makes it real and relatable. Giving it a name also gives you permission to feel the emotion. 

No emotion is wrong. There are not "normal" or "abnormal" emotions. All emotions are normal.  

Labeling emotions can be a struggle. My husband always resorts to "what's wrong" and never "what are you feeling?" Because of this our 9 year old has picked up the phrase. I am saying over and over that when we ask what is wrong, we are implying something is wrong and how we are feeling might be wrong. Let's ask "what are you feeling and how can I help?" Allow yourself and others to identify and label an emotion. You can say "it appears you might be feeling upset," but give your students a chance to try to express themselves first. 

The E... this is the sticky one for our friends. I had a conversation this morning with a fifth grade friend about this topic. You are allowed to feel your feelings. We encourage you to name them and understand them....then....it's time to express them in the school appropriate way. The friend I spoke with is well acquainted with anger and expresses it as they feel fit, stating "where I am from..." I retort, "It's not where you are from, it is where you are at." We need to teach ourselves and our students how to express emotions in a way that is not harmful to themselves or others. We need to model this and express this over and over again. We are often facing students who will say "my dad says to hit back" "my mom said don't let them see how they affect you." The norm for school is; we don't hit/hit back and its not only acceptable but encouraged to share how someone affects you. Yesterday I had the opportunity to work with sixth grade boys and teach them "I statements." One of the young men came back later in the day to clarify how to properly use the statement. " I feel.... when ... because " "I feel upset when you call me out  for talking, because I am not the only one talking but I feel singled out."

Then comes the last R. Regulation. This is key. Our students need the skills to regulate their emotions. We cannot simply tell them to stop being angry. Maybe no one has ever taught them how to calm the storm inside. 

Mindfulness is a great tool for emotional regulation. It teaches us to calm our bodies to explore our feelings in the present moment. A guided mediation like those on Inner Explorer can present new ways to feel an emotion and let go of an emotion. 

Take some time this week to explore using the RULER method with your students.