Instagram Happiness

 Instagram Happiness. Social Media Fake. Toxic Positivity.

Just Think Positive.

Fake it till You Make it.

If you Look Happy then you'll Be Happy.

Good Vibes Only.

We have all fallen into the trap of feeling that we must always look on the brighter side. In our times of difficulty or sadness we have had others say these platitudes to us. In the face of others' difficulties we have said these statements.

Psychology Today states that Toxic Positivity is a pattern of behavior characterized by social (social media) pressure to display only positive emotions. This behavior invalidates all other feelings. 

A quick Google search of "Good Vibes Only" and you will find poster, sticker, shirt, ect with this saying. You will also find similar sayings such as "Stay Positive."  And I have to admit that as I helped my five-year-old pick out a school outfit last night I noticed she has a shirt that says "Good Vibes Only." We all buy in.

The intention behind these sayings is to encourage, uplift, and inspire ourselves and others to look on the brighter side of life. However, it isn't always bright outside. We cannot always be shiny happy people. And when you are in the darkest part of life it is hard to see the light. When people keep telling you to look for it you feel as if they do not care about your darkness. Not really.

All emotions provide important information. Emotion suppression can backfire. Instead of emotion suppression we need emotion expression. Emotional expression leads to authenticity. 

Robert Frost said " The only way out is through." While Frost was talking about a forest, we can adapt this sentiment to feelings. The only way past them is going through them. To acknowledge them. To accept them. To experience them. To work with them. To reframe them.

How do we learn to express authentic emotions and work through them?

If you said, Mindfulness, you are correct. By now you are not surprised that this is my answer. Let's take a moment to walk back trough Toxic Positivity and what it does to us verse what Mindfulness does for us. 

Toxic Positive is often put into place where sympathy or empathy should be utilized. Sometimes we need a listening ear, not a catchy saying.

A few examples of Toxic Positivity Traps are:

Someone hit my car. At least you didn't get hurt.

This job is frustrating. At least you have a job.

I can't believe I didn't get that raise. Everything happens for a reason.

I don't feel like anyone really cares. You shouldn't feel that way.

....it'll all work out....the best is yet to come...don't worry...stay positive...you'll get through it...

We do not feel heard, cared for, understood, or loved when our feelings and experiences are dismissed. When our feelings do not feel valid, we do not feel valid. 

Mindfulness teaches us how to respond in a way that helps others feel heard, seen, and important.

Researcher Maya Tamir, Ph.D. has found that when you judge our unpleasant emotions negatively, rather than accepting them as they are, you will have worse well-being.

An emotion can be unpleasant and give us a teachable moment. (a yes-and from our last post!)

In an interview on  psychologist Adam Grant's podcast, psychologist Susan David talked about toxic positivity and reframing our emotions. She shared that emotions are not good or bad and we should approach them with compassion, curiosity, and acceptance.   

Our world values our emotional "strength" when we do not show unpleasant emotions in the face of unpleasant times. Susan David in this podcast shared that when her father died she was praised for being strong when she was asked how she was doing and she hid the truth and told others she was doing well.

Susan likes calling Toxic Positive, The Tyranny of Positivity. The definition of tyranny is "all power in the hands of a single ruler." When we do not acknowledge unpleasant emotions we give all power to the pleasant emotions. All Power to the Positive. I kind of feel like that might be the next catchy quote for the Good Vibes Only group.

We cannot and should not live with all power to one emotion. We need to have a compassionate understand for all emotions. 

We need to let our students have a compassionate understanding (mindfulness) of their emotions. We cannot tell students to stop a feeling. We need to help them understand and walk through the feelings. 

Don't Instagram your feelings and only show what you think others want to see. Be authentic. Acknowledge, Accept, Reframe.