Build The Skill

"Stop overreacting!"

"Why are you reacting that way?"

"No need to be so dramatic."

"You don't need to cry about it."

"No one else is acting this way, why are you?"

"You know how to act better" 

Let's take a moment and pause and reflect. Have you ever said any of these statements? We all have. They come out before we think about it. The last statement on our list is why we are here this week. Do our students really know how to act better? Who has taught them? Who has shown them?

For many of our students, their home life is not filled with important life lessons on how to handle emotions and overcome obstacles. For many students they are the "adult" at home. For many students they are taught to "suck it up." Many of our students do not have someone at home teaching them how to regulate their emotions. We need to step in and support.

What were you taught as a child? Were you taught to identify an emotion, label it and learn from it? Or were feelings just not talked about in your home? Ignore the "bad" or "negative" emotions and they will go away. Expect the positive emotions at all times. Have you ever been told to smile? Subtext, just be happy all of the time. 

Children learn to regulate emotions from us. It starts with co-regulation as we show and teach them how to handle the more challenging emotions. 

In the past I have shared how I have intentionally worked with my own children on how to handle and express emotions. Before Leila really understood what I was talking about I would simply pick her up and take exaggerated deep breaths during a typical toddler meltdown (they are normal it has to do with limited communication stills and lack of emotional regulation skills). I was able to observe her meltdown to end in less than a minute. Her breathing synced up with mine. Her mirror neurons couldn't help but fire across synapsis and create a neural connect to breathing and calming down.

How do you react to unwanted behaviors in the classroom? Are you helping your students react?

The website Turnaroundusa.org says this about a co-regulated classroom:

"While it might feel counterintuitive in the moment, the best way we can create classrooms conducive to learning is not to demand compliance, but to lean into attuned, responsive relationships that empower students to own their learning and be accountable to their community."

I love the language they use, words such as; attuned responsive relationships, empower students, and accountable to community.

Co-regulating is an interactive approach. It is a partnership between students and adults. 

When we meet students needs where they are at emotionally, not where we are at emotionally, we build a trusting and caring relationship. When a student feels a sense of belonging they want to be in class and they are open and receptive to learning. 

Begin co-regulation by practicing in mindfulness with your students. Use I-Feel language. Put up a Mood Meter. Encourage positive empowering statements that begin I Can, I Will, I Am.

When we talk with students about how their actions make us feel, without judgment they can learn how they affect others.

 "I feel disheartened when....because... I would like to help you find new ways to ..."

Let students know what you notice. Let them know you see them, as a person, not just an action.

The way you wish a student would react to a situation is exactly what you need to first show with your actions and then teach with your words. They will only have the skill once you give it to them.