Support v Enabling

                      How do you support your students? Are you really enabling?

At times it is difficult to tell whether or not we are supporting verses enabling our student's behaviors. As we explore the differences we can learn to build a supportive classroom and ensure we are not enabling negative behaviors.

The goal of support is to build resilience and develop coping strategies.  

Support should always empower a student to move forward toward greater stability and independence.

When we support a student we acknowledge difficulties yet not eliminate them. We should not be removing obstacles for children but rather teach them how to navigate and work through them.

Supporting a student means working with a child to overcome obstacles, manage fears, and build confidence for the future.

It is important to acknowledge feelings and validate them. This does not mean that we encourage the negative or allow them to be presented in a negative way. We can allow difficult emotions as long as we teach students to express them in a healthy way.

We can support students by providing clear, simple, and practical assistance. We can model healthy coping skills.

Ensure that you are providing structure that is appropriate for a child's age and ability. 

Remember to notice the small steps forward and praise the effort even if the outcome isn't to your desired goal yet. Keep coaching through the problems and help them get to where you want them to be.

While setting up structure ensure that you are not enabling negative behaviors by giving in to complaints or demands. It is easy to create peace in the short term but it will cause harm to your structure in the long term.

Address what is going on instead of allowing children to avoid uncomfortable situations. When we do not show them how to address a challenge we inadvertently teach them to cover up what they did or cover up what they forgot to do. Talk through the challenges and address them in real time.

Do not wait. Address things as they happen. Teach students to express feelings in a healthy way. Do not speak up for them when they have the ability to speak for themselves. Allow them the time and space to state and express their own feelings. This will help them take ownership and create a better understanding.

Remember: If you get upset WITH them instead of staying calm, YOU create emotional fireworks. Avoid the fireworks and stay calm. Show them how to be calm in difficult times and work through the feelings instead of exploding them.

Allow students to experience disappointment. Do not protect your students from natural consequences. They need to learn how to accept failure, disappointment, and the consequences for their actions. 

A Space for Calm

How well do you calm down when your emotions are running high?

Do you always take the time to process your emotions? If no, how well do you function if you allow the emotions to continue to control your mind and body?

As adult we do not always address our emotions in the healthiest way, if we address them at all. Adults often compartmentalize, hide, deny, or pretend their emotions are not overwhelming. Not all emotions are easily handled. 

When emotions become overwhelming our focus is diminished and so is learning.

If you haven't already, consider making a calming space for you class. 

Below is a link to a really great example of a calm down corner. This example would be best used for 3rd grade on up.

Calm Down Space

I really like the idea of the check in sheet. Have students sign in with name and time they use the space. This will help you keep track and notice patterns. You can use this data to talk with parents regarding; classroom behavior, self-regulation ability, and emotional needs. I also like the idea of taking time to explain how to use the space and then practicing the procedure. 

Think about how your class runs now. Do you have what we call "high flyers"? The students who are walking out, always wanting a break, or simply being disruptive? Perhaps they have some unchecked-in on emotions. Perhaps they brought home emotions to school and do not know how to separate home and school and they do not know how to process the feelings.

All classes can benefit from a calming and peaceful space. Below is another example of why and how to set up a structured space.

Peace Corner 

A peace corner should have a set of agreed upon limits. Five minutes is a great amount of time to get a student in a better spot. We have previously reviewed that chemically, our body only experience an emotion for about a minute and half. After that time it is our brain ruminating. Five minutes allows for feeling, processing, and calming. In the beginning a student may need a few more minutes until they begin to learn self-regulation and the ability to utilize the needed materials or manipulatives to help with a specific emotion.

When you set up and explain your calming space don't be afraid to share about the brain, the science, and the why behind the space. Normalize the need and encourage students to give each other understanding and privacy. Talk about not watching students. Talk about not asking why the space was used. Encourage the understanding that we all need to process emotions in a healthy way.

Set limitations and post them. Make it known that it is one person at a time, to help with challenging and distracting feelings. Ensure the students know that the space is not an escape from learning and should not be used to play or sleep.

The time you give to explaining and demonstrating the use of the calm space will be given back to you the more students learn to utilize the space and calm their emotions.  

If you need help setting up a space please reach out. I have resources and can help you take time to explain the space to your students.

Mindful Inclusion to Reduce Bullying

 Mindfulness creates an Inclusive Culture where everyone can say " I Count".

October is Bullying Awareness and Prevention Month. 

As a school we need to do more than be anti-bullying, we need to take meaningful action to empower victims, heal bullies, and create an inclusive culture.

Studies have shown that schools with only an anti-bullying program do not have a reduction in bullying, but rather see the same level or an increase. Anti-bullying program can inadvertently teach bullies new ways to hide behavior, provide new ideas for behavior, and empower them to continue. Anti-bullying programs also keep the victim as a victim and do not empower them, leaving them vulnerable to more incidents of bullying.

Schools need to do more. They need to get to the root of the problem. Culture. Values. Expectations. 

Mindfulness is a great way to create a positive and inclusive culture. Mindfulness will empower the victim and help encourage the bully to become a better person.

Bullies often have low self-esteem and are bullied themselves. Bullies also often display a lack of impulse control. Mindfulness has been shown to improve mental health, reduce anxiety, increase self-esteem, and help promote impulse control.

Mindfulness could be the key (or a key) to reducing and ending bullying in schools. 

Mindfulness empowers victims allowing them to understand that bullying while targeted at them is not about them. Understanding this helps them to reduce reactivity to the bullying events. When reactions are diminished bullies are more likely to reduce and give up behavior. When a bully does not see the response they are looking for they move on or give up all together. 

In 2014, three years after Inner Explorer was launched a study showed that those who implemented the program at their school saw a 50% reduction in reactive behaviors of children. Mindfulness programs, such as Inner Explorer, help teach students to think through their actions before taking action.

In 2015 the National Education Association shared that 1 in 3 students report being bullied and 7 in 10 report they are cyber bullied. (This are pre-pandemic numbers, with the pandemic cyberbullying has seen an increase). It was also reported that 50% of the bullying stops when peers intervene. 

The need to empower and equip our students with the ability and bravery to stand up and stop bullying is great. Mindfulness helps bring awareness to the "here" and the "now" which helps students stop and think about their actions. Mindfulness increases focus, attention, and calm. These are tools to help the bully and the bullied reduce negative behaviors and empower standing up for what is right.

Janice Houlihan, co-founder of Inner Explorer and an author has been quoted saying, "Mindfulness practices help the bully, victim, and any witness involved develop a deeper awareness of themselves, resilience, compassion, and a greater ability to regulate their emotional responses."  

Take some time this week and all through the month of October to begin (or continue) a mindfulness practice in your class. Ten minutes of mindfulness a day can reduce reactivity and increase empathy. 10 minutes of mindfulness a day can help improve behavior, self-esteem, and students grades.

Try Inner Explorer today. Connect with me if you need assistance. Let's work together to get to the root of bullying and create a school where ever student and adult can say "I Count".

The Sounds of Mindfulness

Simon and Garfunkel once sang to us about The Sound of Silence. In this song they stated "no one dared disturb the sound of silence." Can you say the same for your class?

Mindful listening can help us with mindful silence. It isn't simply to gain a calm and quiet class for the mere sake of quiet, but for the science behind why we need peace and calm in learning.

Over the years, dating as far back as 1972 , studies have explored the idea that sound has an effect on learning, memory, and cognition. 

Some of the original studies focused on children who lived near airports and children who were living on the main floor of apartment buildings. These studies found that the increase in sound, decreased reading skills and comprehension at school. With theses studies as the foundation more studies were conducted with similar results.

A 2006 study focusing on 3rd grade students found that when there was babble present in the learning environment students test scores decreased. 

In 2010 a study of 1st graders found that both verbal and non-verbal (ex: talking and slamming doors) had a negative impact on memory of material.

Children are less able to separate and ignore irrelevant sounds and are more susceptible to sound-induced disruptions. 

These studies have also found that children with attention concerns, such as ADHD and children who are non-native speakers, such as ELL, are even more at risk for educational deficits due to sound disruption. 

Is the volume in your class inhibiting learning and memory? Would you like to see higher test scores and better readers?

Have you taken time to include mindfulness in your day? Have you found a mindful way to reduce the sound without sound?

Shouting for your students to be quiet is not working. 

Mindfulness encourages us to take a moment and become silent. To slow down and observe. How can you utilize mindfulness to calm the babbles, the chatter, and the non-verbal sounds that disrupt learning?

Try a sound mindfulness practice. Studies show that nature sounds are calming, white noise is calming, and soothing music is calming.

Take your students on a mindful sound walk. Have them explore the school and investigate the sounds around them. Take a mindful sound walk for yourself. Explore the halls and listen to classes. Are there any in which you would thrive? The sounds studies show that while children are more greatly affected, sound does have a negative impact on adults as well. Are there any rooms in the school which might promote learning and increase attention? What can you learn from your mindful sound walk?

Using mindfulness and specifically sound mindfulness can be a good way to help students learn to focus attention. 

Some small studies with adults have also taught us that adults are easily distracted by simple sounds such as a ping of text message. Participants in a study of sound found that if they heard a text message ping during a message they enjoyed the experience less. Even as adults sounds can turn us from calm and joyful to irritated and unfocused. 

Try utilizing the sound practices on Inner Explorer. These are 1-2 minutes of sounds to help calm and focus the mind.

Embracing Autumn with Mindfulness

 How do you see autumn?

An article from the New York times shared that the poet Percy Bysshe Shelly once compared the falling leaves of autumn to decaying corpses in the grave. 

How do you see about the season?

In some recent small studies it has been found that those who tend to ruminate or are more easily preoccupied with thoughts in the autumn season also are more likely to be affected by season depression in the winter (SAD).

The studies also found that unlike the "spring forward" time change, the "fall back" negatively impacts mental health. More depressive episodes occur around the autumn time change than the spring time change.

Autumn is a time of change. The sunlight is becoming less. The temperature is dropping. Leaves and plants are dying. Many people begin to reflect on nature's change and relate it to their own lives. 

Autumn becomes a time of discomfort with change. A mourning period for the lost summer sun and days at the beach.

Autumn does not have to be "Death's second self" as William Shakespeare once said. This season is a perfect time to build a mindfulness routine. Dr. Wilson of the University of Mississippi has called fall the prefect time to "harvest" the good from the summer and be present and enjoy the fall.

We can use fall as a season to build resilience. 

Resilience is ones capacity to adapt to challenging life experiences. 

Dr. Kecmanovic the founder of Arlington/DC Behavior Therapy Institute, shares that autumn is a time to work on acceptance of uncertainty. Accepting uncertainty is a great way to build resilience.

In some recent studies it has been found that the "intolerance of uncertainty" is associated with poor mental health.

While we are all faced with uncertainty at times we do not have to be intolerant. We can use mindfulness to learn to lean in and cultivate rather than run from the uncertainty. 

Dr. Kecmanovic encourages us to put aside what makes us comfortable and in control and face uncertainty, lean in, build resilience. 

A great mindfulness practice for fall is, Step Back-Observe. 

 Instead of seeing autumn through the eyes of the poet Shelly or the playwriter Shakespeare, Step Back-Observe and embrace and enjoy.

See the leaves not as merely dying, but as going thought a beautiful transformation in their lives. Take time to sit out in the crisp fall air and observe the changing colors. Notice the sounds of fall. Be with nature not separate from nature. 

We all have a life cycle. Embrace each moment of the cycle without focusing on the end. Mindfulness teaches us to be present in the moment, on purpose, without judgement. This is a perfect way to embrace autumn. In the moment, on purpose, without judgement. 

Embrace the season to help support positive mental health.

NY Times Article https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/21/well/live/fall-autumn-mindfulness.html

Empowering Student, Avoiding Power Struggles

 

If this graphic is not clear enough to read check out Mindshift on Facebook. Or click on it and it will create a popup of the picture and it will be clearer. 

I loved this idea of addressing power struggles, giving students power without releasing your own, and asking students to obey (follow) the rules, not you.

Avoiding power struggles can be a difficult task. One we often cannot do alone. Power struggles are real and happen before we even know we have entered into one. 

My four-year-old is a delight. She is funny, smart, and full of personality. At night she turns into a "tiny terrorist." If you'd like to see an example of a power struggle head on over to my house at 7:00pm. What should be a simple request, put on your pajamas, turns into mommy walking away frustrated. I know I should remain calm. I know I should give clear instructions and not engage in a back-and-forth. I know these things, but I just want her to  go to bed.

Do you ever feel this way with students? You know you should remain calm. You know you should only give clear instructions and not engage in a back-and-fourth...and yet you do. 

The two quotes on the graphic ring true to me. 

"The reality is that no one wins a power struggle"- Ross Greene 

"See a child differently...see a different child." - Stewart Shanker

While thinking about these two quotes I did some mindfulness research to find a mindful way to handle power struggles. 

Before my research, my go-to mindfulness practice at my daughter's bedtime was to step out of her bedroom and take deep breaths. I noticed this worked for me, but it didn't work for her. She didn't change her behaviors. She was still avoiding pjs and now crying that mommy was taking a timeout. 

I found an insightful article on how to approach power struggles using a mindfulness technique called pause and use PLACE. I know about a mindful pause, that's what I do for myself, but it's the use of PLACE that was new to me.

PLACE 

P: Playfulness. This one seems odd by name when you are thinking about keeping your own power and at the same time seeking direction following from a child. What playfulness means for this practice is; lightness, hope, and openness. When we are playful we have a lightness to our personality, we have a hope for things to go well, and we are open to the experience. 

When you are asking students to follow directions and they are struggling to do so, stay open, light, and hopeful. Instead of yelling, try gentle talking. Instead of getting louder, get quieter. Be calm and at peace, not stressed.

L: Loving. We can love our students with kindness and firmness. An honest love for a child is kind and sets clear boundaries. 

A: Acceptance. "Perfect just as is" even when challenging behaviors arise. Children need to know they are accepted even when their behaviors are not. We accept who they are, not how they are acting. 

C: Curiosity. Be fascinated and wonder. Aim to understand the behavior. When we simple seek to stop a behavior we do not learn how to prevent a reoccurrence. Seek to understand what happened before the behavior, during the behavior, and how you were able to best address the behavior. When we know the need we can help meet the need or find a compromise. 

E: Empathy. Students want to "feel felt." They need you to put yourself in their shoes. They need you to feel with them. Do not stop feelings, understand them and work through them.

PLACE isn't easy and it takes time.

I took time to try it with my four-year-old. Bedtime wasn't perfect but better. I stayed and took deep breaths and gave clear instructions with love and watched her behavior at the times she was not following directions. She wanted to pick out her bedtime books. We found a compromise. PJs and then books, or no books. She loves books so she took time to pick out pajamas. 

This week take time to think of one student with whom you engage in power struggles. Try the mindfulness practice of PLACE. 

Getting to Know Others and Building Relationships

 "You are so brave and quiet I forgot you were suffering." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

When I saw this quote over the summer I immediately made a note and kept it to share with all of you. The idea of the overlooked quiet kid really gave me pause. 

Who in your class is quiet and brave? Do you know them yet? 

We were all encouraged the first two weeks of school to spent quality time getting to know our students. Build rapport. Build relationships.

Relationships are key.

This week I listened to an episode of The Happiness Lab, one of my favorite podcasts. The podcaster, Dr. Laurie Santos dug deep into the topic of making friends as an adult. 

The ideas which were shared I feel can apply to how we also interact with our students. Are we mindfully building into our students, building them up, building their strengths? Or have we already labeled and dismissed students we feel are going to be a high flier?

It takes us back to the topic we talked about in PD; are you a walnut tree or a marigold? Side note; my marigold are still blooming in sunbursts of orange, yellow, and red. 

In the podcast they talked about how the best relationships are those we work to cultivate, not those that simply just happen. Most people believe it to be the other way around and do not try to make friends. But research shows us that when we work to create, build, and keep a friendship, that friendship will flourish and we will be happiest. 

Have you worked on your connects to your students? To another staff member?

Mindfulness is a great way to begin.

As Mrs. Dixon shared for our Mindful Monday, just start with well wishes. This is one of my favorites we have talked about a few times over the years. 

Well Wishes Mindfulness can also be called Metta Loving Kindness.

This was first introduced to me when I took a class called The Science of Wellbeing with professor, Dr. Laurie Santos. 

It feels amazing to send well wishes/loving kindness; even when sending those thoughts to those you do not like.

I encourage you to try with all of your students. 

In a post from a couple of years ago I suggested taking time in the morning as you set up class, to walk around the room and send a well wish to each student as you pass their desk.

Start your day with a positive thought on each student.