What Matters & Self-Care

 

Did anyone get a BINGO?

Self-care shouldn't be a chore, a task to check off, or something you feel guilty about engaging in. At my last Social Emotional Learning Townhall meeting we talked about how important self-care is for us all. The only thing I disagreed with during the meeting was making self-care a homework task. The idea, which I understand, was to make it "homework" so you don't guilty about taking the time to complete self-care, because it has been an assigned task. I, however, see it differently. It should not be a homework assignment you feel like you have to do so you don't fail someone else's expectations. It should be a gift to yourself to ensure you are well equipped to help others at your peek ability and performance. It's the thought about not being able to pour water into a cup for others if your cup is empty itself. You must have a full cup in order to share with others, and in the end not be empty again.

This next graphic shows the many types of self-care. If you are unable to engage in one type, try another. 

This week I have been enjoying listening to a podcast with Susan David, a psychologist who works in the field of Emotional Agility. She talks about separating ourselves from our emotions and correctly labeling the emotions. Her example is, instead of saying "I am stressed" first utilize separation. The idea that we are a feeling means that we cannot escape the feeling and the feeling controls us. Then we need to correctly label the feeling. You are not stressed; you Notice that you Feeling depleted. Now the last step is to find the need that needs to be filled, this is the reason behind the feeling. You feel depleted because you need time to recharge. You need time to engage in self-care.

Mindfulness helps us take time to sort out what we notice we feel and what the need is behind that feeling.

The question Dr. David posed as a good daily check in is, "What did I do today that matters?" She suggests that this eliminates the the nagging feelings that we did not accomplish enough. Focus each day on what you have done that matters. This will help you with emotional self-care. 

This week when I meet with students I have started each day asking for a Goal & a Gratitude. I love helping them start their days with a focus and positivity. 

I have also started to end the day asking them, "How did you help today?" and "What did you do today that mattered?" I want to get them thinking about being helpful and focused on doing one thing that matters to someone else. Research has shown that when ask our students to focus on these topics they will feel better about their day and thus begin to do well in all aspects of their lives. 

The more we attend to our social emotional needs, the more we can help our students attend to theirs. The more we help our students attend to their social emotional needs, the more our students succeed. 

If you would like more insight on your own emotional agility, here is Dr. David's quiz; Emotional Agility Quiz The questions in this quiz really made me stop and think about how I process my emotions and move forward. It was a helpful reflection. Now I am looking forward to the report that will be emailed to me. I am hoping to gain more insight on myself, which will allow me to continue my mindful emotional growth.

                                            So I ask you, "What did you do today that mattered?"

Mindfulness from Home

 In preparation for this post I have taken time to explore a lot of resources such as; apps, podcasts, and online resources.  As we wrap up before Thanksgiving and prepare for a week of online learning I wanted to make sure I could fully support, even from my home to yours. I want to take this time to share some resources which will support you personally and help you support your students.

To start I wanted to share a mindfulness from the Inner Explorer newsletter. 

Gratitude Mindfulness

Gratitude mindfulness is an amazing way to start and end your day. It is a great practice to teach your students as well. 

During uncertain times it is more important than ever that we find a place of calm for ourselves, our families, and our students. I encourage you to find 5-10 minutes a day to spend time in quiet and practice some deep breathing. I am not a morning person, no one in my house (except Leila at times) likes mornings. Since mornings are the quietest time in my house I make sure to get up a little early and spend time in peace and quiet. I practice mindful senses. I start by enjoying the quiet and being grateful for not hearing the many sounds that normally fill my home. I move on to smell. I open the coffee and take in a great big deep breath as I smell the glorious smell. Once the coffee is made I take time to slowly sip and enjoy the flavor. This time of year I use my cup to warm my hands as I use the sense of touch to embrace the warmth. I love to sit at the dinning room table and look out the window into the back yard. Over the weekend we were able to see a buck walk out back. 

Sense mindfulness is easy and calming. This mindfulness has become such a part of my morning that it isn't a chore to check off my to-do list, but rather my simple joy that I do just for me. It is my morning self-care. 

I will also utilize this time to work on my gratitude list. I like to take time to be grateful for people in my life. This often leads to Metta (loving-kindness) mindfulness.  As I think about those I am grateful for I will send them loving-kind wishes for the day.

Once you start a mindfulness practice routine it easily becomes a normal part of your daily life, without effort. 

An App I like to use is called Waking Up. This app by Sam Harris is (I think) $99 a year.... however, in an interview last year he shared that he wants it to accessible and if you sign up for the trial and email him that you enjoyed the trial by cannot pay for the app, he will pay for the app for you. I have enjoyed a free year of this app! It pays to listen to podcasts! 

On the topic of Podcasts, there are a couple that have provided me with resources, information, and general entertainment over the years.

Experts on Experts with Dax Shepard. This podcast is how I found out about my Yale course, Sam Harris's trick to getting his app for free, and a wealth of information I have used in my blog and personal life.

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos. The professor from my Yale course has a podcast to help us all with happiness and well-being. These are short episodes I will often put on while grocery shopping, doing dishes, or working around the house (while Leila naps). 

I have tried various other apps over the years too. Mylife, Headspace, Insight Timer, and Calm. Last year Calm gave educators a free subscription. The basic version is free but there are parts beyond that need pay. Recently they have started a series of fairy tales and other stories turned into mindfulness and mediation. I have explored them myself and with students. I have enjoyed, Rumpelstiltskin Learns to Meditate, The Wicked Witch Discovers Mindfulness, and The Big Bad Wolf Learns Anger Management. There is a new one that I am excited to listen to soon, Thomas and the North Star.

As we spend some time at home, staying safe, let's make sure that we continue to attend to our mindfulness and mental health. Mindful.org has shared some short and long meditations for us to utilize.

Mindfulness During the Stay at Home Time

This next resource I really like. It shares ideas for mindfulness, a lot that I love to use, but it also talks about the language to use. It suggests talking with students about their "mindful bodies". Using the same language every time helps build routine and consistency. For many of our students they lack routine and consistency in their home lives. With COVID we all are missing routine and consistency when it comes to work and "play". Mindfulness is a gift we can give our students and ourselves. A gift of clam and consistency. A gift of peace and routine. A gift of focus and kindness.

Positive Psychology Resource

I encourage you to use mindfulness daily in your classrooms and encourage your students to come to my Google Classrooms for mindfulness at home. I post weekly, right now, but will post more as we move into our full virtual learning weeks. My page is also utilized by our social workers and Ms. Viergutz has started to post a book club. We have daily check in/check out meetings. 

My Metta Loving-Kindness Mindfulness today is for all who read this. May you find a time and place of calm today. May you take a few minutes for yourself and enjoy the joys of the world around you. 

Gratitude, Savoring, and Gratitude Visits

 

Writing these blogs while working at home on Wednesdays gives me a whole new perspective on what I share. Working from home can be a blessing and a challenge. I get to spend more time with Leila...but that time isn't always peaceful. Today is meltdown after meltdown. I work from home on Wednesday to help support my two older hybrid children. This means that I am often asked questions on 8th grade work and 4th grade work. I love being able to help and support them, but I often find myself typing and and answering questions at the same time....hoping that I am giving them the right answers and typing here the right things (and not switching them around). 

It isn't always easy to practice my gratitude amidst the chaos and stress.  Then comes a moment like the one where Leila sits with me for my 6-8 grade morning meeting and a student (you may never expect to do so) plays peek-a-boo with Leila. I found a moment to be grateful. Connection. Even through a screen. As much of a struggle as virtual learning can be, I have looked for and taken note of the positive moments.

This school year a middle school student, who showed a lot of attitude at school last year, has shown compassion, connection, and a desire to participate via Google Meets and my Google Classroom. 

I am grateful for a platform which allows students to express themselves in new and positive ways. I am grateful I can be a part of that journey with them and observe their growth and compassion.

As we continue in our month of gratitude I wanted to take some time to review a mindfulness that we have previously learned together. Gratitude lists/journals, Savoring and a Gratitude Visit.

Studies have shown that if we take time to be grateful each day we boost our mental health. The studies have shown that the positive effect is not short term, but can help us for months at a time.

The gratitude practice is simply starting or ending your day making a list of 3-5 things you are grateful for that day. 

The next part is learning to Savor. Savoring a gratitude is a way to continue to increase positive mental health. Practicing savoring is taking a moment to look at your gratitude list and picking out one item to focus on that day. Next you put details to this gratitude. What does it look like? What does it smell like? What does it taste like? How did you feel doing the activity? How did you feel being with that person? Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and put in as many details as you can.

The final part to our gratitude review is a Gratitude Visit. Much like savoring, gratitude visits help us continue to add a boost to our mental health. This gratitude helps boost your mental health as well as the mental health of the person you extend gratitude toward.

A gratitude visit is once a week picking a person and letting them know that you are grateful for them. You can write a short note, a nice letter, draw a picture, or pick out a greeting card. Create the gratitude gift and then deliver it to the person. Taking the time to see someone and express to them your gratitude helps support your positive mental health and their positive mental health. 

Imagine practicing a gratitude list, savoring, and taking time for a gratitude visit and all it can do for your mental health (for months!). 

My challenge is that you try this for yourself the rest of the month of November. 

I would also love to see you sharing this with the students at school and taking five minutes every morning to talk about gratitude. 

Growing Gratitude and Kindness

November is our month of Gratitude. Along with gratitude, on November 13th we have World Kindness Day. Then, of course, on the 26th (fourth Thursday) we have Thanksgiving. The month of November is filled with opportunities to take time to reflect on our kindness and gratitude/thankfulness. 

Last week I took some time to post about loving-kindness mindfulness. I want to continue this week with more loving-kindness or Metta.

There is a great resource on YouTube that can help you work on loving-kindness mediations. The YouTube channel is called FableFy. FableFy has a playlist called Mindfulness Bootcamp. It is a series of 21 mindful meditations that are as short as less than 2 minutes and go up to less than 8 minutes. They are great for all ages and can be easily utilized in the classroom. 

Day 8 of the mindfulness bootcamp is on kindness. FableFy Kindness

This practice is less than 2 minutes and talks about taking a deep breath and being kind to yourself, your friends, and helping others you see in need. This is very similar to our loving-kindness practices from last week.

Today as we sit with great anxiety, waiting to hear the final word on the election, we all need some loving-kindness mindfulness. 

Our students need loving-kindness daily. Remember that over the last few weeks I have shared personal struggles, in hopes that it helps you to think about the invisible battles your students and co-workers are encountering. 

After you explore Fablefy and their Mindfulness Bootcamp take some time to continue to explore this resource. FableFy also has a playlist called 21 days of Compassion and Gratitude. Perfect for November!

Last week in my three Google Classrooms I introduced the students to Fablefy Compassion and Gratitude. The students enjoyed the posts and expressed how calm and happy they felt after engaging in the practice. These practices run from just over 3 minutes to just under 10 minutes. Again, another great way to work on mindfulness for yourself and your students. 

Give the first compassion and gratitude a try Fablefy Compassion and Gratitude. This is a great one to teach children to be kind to themselves inside and out. This is a kindness a lot of our students need to learn. I spoke with a second grader yesterday who was calling himself "stupid" and other names. I asked him if he often hears this from others. He shared that at home his mother often calls him swear words and other mean names. 

Addressing the Social Emotional Learning of  students is a proven way to boots grades. Let's make sure we help grow the whole child.

Our school utilizes another amazing and easy to use resource called Inner Explorer. Please use this with your students. It is CASEL approved, this means that it is great for helping our students with social emotional learning. 

Inner Explorer has several ways to begin exploring being kind to yourself and others, along with gratitude.

There are practices called:

Start with the Heart

Acceptance

Loved Ones/Self

Acts of Kindness

Gratitude

Kindness/Meanness

There are several to explore. Inner Explorer is broken down by grade levels but feel free to explore them all. I find that the high school level also is great for middle school. I have first grade teachers that prefer Grade1-4 level verses the Pre K-1 level. Explore them on your own first and find what you feel is the best fit for your group of students.

Inner Explorer can also connect to home. The Tune In sections allows you to invite parents to sign up for daily emails. When we connect home and school together we support the whole child even when they are not in our school building. 

Our students need support to cover them at school and at home. We need support to cover us at school and at home. Please take time to engage in your own mindful practices. There are great YouTube videos, amazing Apps, and plenty of books to support your personal mindful growth. 

Kindness Tree and Mindfulness

 Friends, I am so excited to share with you this week's mindfulness. My favorite mindfulness is called Metta, or Loving Kindness.

 World Kindness Day is just around the corner, November 13. (Let's make Friday the 13th kind...not scary!)

I encourage you to take some time to look between my office and Sandy's office. I have created a Kindness Tree. The idea is that you and your students take a leaf from the tree and GIVE it to someone else. Share the kindness. 

The idea of sharing kindness connects to our mindfulness this week. Metta or Loving Kindness mindfulness is a form of meditation that sends positive wishes to ourselves and others.

The best way to start this kind of mindfulness is to teach our students to send loving kindness to themselves. Ask your students to close their eyes (if comfortable) and take a deep breathe in. As they breath in ask them to bring to mind a wish for themselves. 

EX: Today I wish for myself a day filled with calm. Today I wish for myself a productive and focused day.

Encourage them to hold this thought in their heads as they hold their breath. Then as they breathe out they release the wish, sending it to themselves.

I encourage you to do this the first day you introduce this mindfulness. Next is introducing loving kindness for those we love and care for.

This is a good to send a loving kind thought to those we love. Again, asking your students to close their eyes (always if they are comfortable, or have them look down and find one focus point). As they breathe in they can pick the person they want to send kindness too. Then as they hold their breath they can think of the kind wish they want to send. Lastly, they will release their breath and send the wish out to the person they picked.

The next step to learning Metta Mindfulness is the most challenging...for us all. I encourage YOU to take time to practice this step BEFORE you ask your students to practice.

The final step in Metta is sending loving kindness to those that challenge us, those we do not get along with, those that bother us, those we may not like, and those we do not want to send kindness too. 

This can be a challenge....BUT.... once you do it, it feels freeing. I love this practice for this very reason. 

As I mentioned last week, over the summer we ran into some housing road blocks. We had some family land being given to us...and then taken back due to a conflict in ideas. We had one family member placing demands on another and we were caught in the middle. The family member who placed the demands has been very cold and distant with us since this all came about. Deep down I want to be cold and distant. Deep down I want to give them a piece of my mind. 

This summer at the same time the housing issues arose, I was taking my Science of Well-Being class. One week our homework was to meditate. I tried a few meditations...and felt so unfocused. Then I found Metta on the app called Waking Up. It was what I needed at the moment. It was difficult. It was freeing.

I took time to really practice, to follow the steps, and to let go and send positive wishes. 

The family member continues to be cold and distant. I continue to take a deep breath and send loving kindness. I feel at peace. 

A few weeks ago during one of my 3-5 google meets we practiced Metta. The students shared that it was not easy but that it felt good to send positive wishes to others.

What if every morning you took time to send a positive wish to every student you work with? You would begin feeling a sense of peace toward those students. This would show in how you interact with the students, especially your most challenging. 

What if you taught your students to send loving kindness every morning? The more you practice the more you will see the students soften toward each other.

As you teach your students Metta Mindfulness, I encourage you to take a field trip to the kindness tree.

Remember November is Gratitude month...If you receive a leaf say, Thanks!

Thank you for taking the time to read and practice mindfulness with me! You're doing great!

The Mindful Way to Start a Day

 I have started this week's blog a few times now...and each time I was interrupted. I wanted to share about mindfulness and the brain. I wanted to talk about some students I've been working with this week and review how mindfulness helped one and how mindfulness could have helped the other. Each interruption this morning has frustrated me. I needed to step back and take some deep breaths. My dear friend in 4th grade has sent me a few more of her mindfulness videos. Leila and I just took five minutes to watch one and breathe deep. Leila did a great job. My 4th grade friend did an excellent job. And I now feel calm and more focused. I have also decided to change this week's blog.

This week I am going to get a little personal with you to share about my reasons for mindfulness. I hope that it helps you to see both sides of me. 

At school I try my best to always practice the peace I find from mindfulness. I don't simple tell students to practice, I practice with them. I show them and then we practice together. 

At home, this past month, I have needed my mindfulness. If I could give a reason to practice mindfulness, it would my month of October.

The end of September hit my family with some challenges we are facing in October. 

Our sweet cat (not our bad cat...) has cancer and we have to figure out what is best for her and if we have to say goodbye (she is only 10 and seriously the best cat).

Our daycare has closed down due to the owner's husband having cancer. That C word, again! We were told it would be for the month of October so we quickly enlisted grandmothers for all the days we could and with great compassion my wonderful dean and principal let me change up schedule to ensure my sweet Leila is cared for daily. Now as we near the end of October I have concerns. What if they can't reopen in November? What if...? So now I reluctantly have called daycare after daycare in the hopes one will have an opening. 

My 9-year-old step-daughter was recently diagnosed with a seizure disorder, most likely Sunflower Syndrome. When we were at the beach late August a stranger noticed Madison's tic and shared that she has seen that before in children with this syndrome. Today Madison has her EEG and tomorrow will meet with the Neurologist. I have been in Madison's life since she was 3, she lives primarily with my husband (her dad) and me. I carry the medical insurance. I do all of the appointment scheduling....but today when I called regarding the e-checkin system I was told I couldn't have any information. I am not a "parent". In between Google Meets I am calling my husband to have him check his email (while he also tries to work) and I then do what I can from his email, and pass information between him and Madison's mom to ensure it's all set up and ready for this evening.

Over the summer our plans to build a home fell through. That is a long and complicated family drama story, but it's relevant to know as background. My husband is understandably upset with his father and step-mother. Then came August and my husbands (new...of less than 3 years) step-father asked if we would like to purchase his home. We jumped at the opportunity. Everything was going well until October. No joke, October has been a challenge and has presented the biggest need for mindfulness. Due to Covid, the company we were working with .... after weeks of paper work... informed us that there were BIG restrictions for us. With Covid, if you are 1099 (self-employed), this company has very strict and RIDICULOUS requirements. Now we are back to square one with the loan. Thankfully, my husband's step-dad is letting us renovate while the loan is processed. But that in itself is another stress that requires mindfulness.

If you are still will me, thank you for listening. I share all of this for nothing more than to give you a picture of the importance of mindfulness.  How could I possible process all of this, get up and work, and ensure family is cared for, if I don't slow down and take a good deep breath? I mean it. 100% mean that remembering to focus on the here and now, taking deep breaths, meditating, and prioritizing sleep (this one is HARD...my dear husband wants to talk about everything listed above while getting ready for bed, I have to be firm and say no, so I can sleep). 

Mindfulness must become a priority for us, for our students, for every day. If you take 10 minutes every morning to practice mindfulness, you could be help a student learn to process what is going on for them at home. 

We have students dealing with cancer in their homes. We have students dealing with hungry. We have students dealing with abuse. We have students dealing with loneliness. We have students dealing with isolation. We have students dealing with Covid fear. 

What if the 10 minutes a day you give them for mindfulness could help change their lives? 

 

Mindfulness Through the Ages

 Mindfulness is for ALL ages and all stages of life.

With infants its the adults mindfulness that matters. Your calm will be essential to ensure that you can handle the highs and lows of parenting.

Changing our brains to help others

As you move into toddlerhood mindfulness will help with tantrums and moods. I previously shared that I will often pick up Leila and hold her and take exaggerated deep breaths and this has shown to shorten meltdowns.

We are now working on mindfulness for Leila, per her request. Last week Leila found one of the mindfulness books I had home to read to students for my google classroom. She asked to read it and did such a wonderful job taking deep breaths. Since reading the book, when I say deep breath, Leila knows what I mean and takes a good deep breath.

Leila and My Magic Breath

The more we practice mindfulness the more our little ones see it and want to join in.

As we move into childhood we can continue to teach deep breathing and begin to build the concepts of mindfulness. We can share that mindfulness is; paying attention on purpose (without judgement and with curiosity) . This will help our younger students learn to listen to their bodies and moods and as they become aware they will do it in a positive way. They will learn to accept their feelings and show them in a way that does not harm themselves or others.

A Michigan Elementary School and Mindfulness 

Imagine a student that explodes. Imagine a student you have to have carried out of your class. Imagine a student that spends hours a day screaming. Imagine them screaming "give me what I want and this will stop." What if this student began to practice mindfulness and then turned around and chose to teach mindfulness skills to others? We have one such students. Those of us who have been on the journey with this young lady know the great distance this young girl has come. For those that are not as familiar, as you watch the video take a minute to think about a students who is difficult and presents challenges. What if that student could one day become like this young lady?

Jessa's Mindfulness

The older our students get the more their brains are changing. The brain is more generalized in childhood, ready to absorbed all the knowledge it can. As the brain grows into pre-teen and teen years it become more specific to interests. The changes can create challenges in how students learn. At this time mindfulness is crucial in order to help the youth learn to focus on a subject their brain may be signaling they are no longer as interested in as they previously had been. Mindfulness is a great opportunity to train the brain and emotions to work together instead in opposition.

Teens share about mindfulness 

We can takes 5-10 minutes a day to provide a safe space for our students to learn and grow in mindfulness. I have heard it over and over that there just isn't time in the day. How much time do you spend redirecting students in a given day? What if instead you used 10 minutes at the start of the day to teach students self-regulation and mindfulness? Perhaps students later in the day can learn to redirect themselves.

At our school we have a wonderful and easy to use program. I have shared it previously but it worth sharing again. Please sign up for Inner Explorer. If you cannot find the link I have sent, email me and ask for a new link. I will happily support you with getting started. 

At the beginning of the school year I talked about the idea of mental contrasting and using WOOP. It takes 5 minutes a morning to set a daily goal. 

I am working to grow a mindfulness library. I have some books, cards, and can always point you to a good video. Feel free to come to my office and explore ideas for your students. Don't forget that I myself am a resource and will happily come to your class and help you start your day the mindful way.