Embrace the suck

 

Embrace the suck. This phrase comes from 2003 and the war in Iraq. It was first used by the military to say, that the current situation sucks, you have to deal with the suck, live through it, and work on moving through it and past it and make the situation better. 

For our purposes this could mean this week's cold snap and all the indoor recesses. Embrace the suck WITH the students. Mindfully get creative and live through the situation to make it better and move forward.

This could also be for all of the upcoming/current testing. Embrace the suck with your students, mindfully. 

What does this look like?

Deep breathing breaks. Mindful movement breaks. Reminding ourselves and our students to take a deep breath.

We all need the litter reminders and breaks. Don't be afraid to say it and utilize it. 

The video clip above is a cute 4.5 year old (cutest in my opinion) reminding her daddy to take deep breaths. Can you tell that we practice mindfulness together?? 

From time to time I like to share out resources to help build your mindfulness library. This week you will find some old and maybe some need resources listed beloe.

Resources to Help with Mindfulness:

Inner Explorer .... which you can now access through your Clever! Inner Explorer

ALO Mindfulness with Yoga ... mindfulness and movement! ALO

Kira Willey ... she has mindfulness, songs, movement, books Kira W

Cosmic Kids ... yoga and mindfulness Cosmic Kids

Mind Yeti ... this cute yeti helps work on mindful breathing Mind Yeti

Mindful.org ... a good read on the basics of mindfulness Mindfulness

Calming Strategies... free printable poster  Mindful Calming

Big Life Journal ... list of resources such as books and apps Big Life Journal

Please share out your favorite resource too. I love building our mindfulness library.

Remember I have mindfulness cards, books, and activities you can check out from my office. You can also have me as a resource in your room. I would love to come help talk to your students about the whys and hows of mindfulness and practice with them and you!

We are embracing the suck of winter weather and testing together. We can come out on the other side stronger and calmer, just remember to breathe. 

Mindfulness can help us all. Here are five researched backed reasons why we, as adults should practice with our students and on our own.

1. Helps improve heart health

2. Decreases cognitive decline from aging

3. Improves immune response

4. Reduces cell aging

5. Reduces psychological pain 

Be Engaged, Be Mindful

 What if you had a tech free day, not a free tech day? 

Studies show that the amount of time we spend on a screen continues to increase. Did you know the posture most people sit in while engaging in smartphone use is head, neck, and shoulders hunched forward? This posture puts strain on the neck. Have you ever asked an 8-year-old to spend the day sitting on your neck and shoulders? Probably not, that sounds like a strange request. The posture you sit in while on your smartphone puts pressure on your neck and shoulders. That pressure is the same amount of weight as if you asked an 8-year-old to sit on your neck and shoulders.

Research shows an increase in mental health concerns for children and youth. The top three are anxiety, depression, and stress.

30% of 2-year-old know how to use a smart device but have limited to no language skills.

Many children age 3-4 years old use a smart device daily, however, they lack fine motor skills.

Recent studies have found that the number of children with a smart device addiction is higher than the rate of alcoholism in America. 

These recent studies report that there are three key things to look at to assess a smart device addiction.

1. Does this person show signs of anxiety?

2. Does this person show a lack of fear of consequences?

3. Does this person show a lack of impulse control? When was the last time you checked your phone? Did you know that research shows we check our phones on average of 150 times a day?!

A study done by Microsoft found that our attention span is now only 8 seconds. That is less than the attention span of a goldfish. 

We could dive deeper and deeper into study after study related to technology and how it can harm our children. This background is important to understand. This helps fuel a drive to encourage tech free times. 

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could increase attention span, reduce anxiety, and help address depression?

We can!

An article out of the Mayo Clinic from October 2022 shares that mindfulness can not only help with attention, anxiety, and depression, but possibly other health concerns.

The Mayo Clinic reports that mindfulness may help control diabetes, fibromyalgia, high blood presser, lessen insomnia, reduce pain, and reduce job burn out.

Take some time today to sit still, breathe deep, and calm your mind. Engage in a mindfulness practice daily. The Mayo Clinic suggests creating a daily routine. It is reported that after about six months it will become a habit completely interwoven into your daily routine. 

Quick 2 Minute Mindful Break

I encourage you to explore some tech free time (or limited to simply listening to something such as Inner Explorer) and be mindful. 

I challenge you to start noticing how often you pick up from phone during the day. What if you put it down without looking at the screen? What if instead you took a deep breath and spent time engaged in mindful meditation? 

Remember, the more we work on our own attention span the better equipped we will be to help our students with their attention.

If we want engaged learners, we need to be engaged leaders. 

New Year, New Opportunities for Growth

Take the next 11 minutes and listen to a TED talk on Conflict Resolution . 

As we continue moving forward in this first month of the new year it would benefit us greatly to take time to reflect on last year and make a plan to move forward. As we talked about last week, it's not about a new year's resolution but about a new year's change toward self-improvement to help students make improvements.

We lead by example.

One the of the biggest things I have noticed over the years is this: Students do not know how to handle, manage, and resolve conflict. With the increase in screen use I have seen a decrease in conflict resolution skills. For our students conflict resolution is turning off a screen and ignoring the situation in hopes it will go away. 

How do you do with handling conflict? 

Do you eat the granola and seethe? (watch the Ted talk if you haven't yet)

Do you avoid eye contact and hope it all just goes away?

Do you close/turn off the screen and call it solved?

Or.... 

Do you engage in compassionate curiosity?

How do your students handle conflict? What example have you shown them?

Helpguide.com has shared an article called, Conflict 101.

Below is the list they shared regarding conflict.

1. Conflict is more than just a disagreement. One or both parties see it as a threat.

2. Conflict festers when it is ignored.

3. People respond to conflict based on their own perceptions, life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs. 

4. Conflict triggers strong emotions.

5. Conflict is an opportunity for growth. 

Conflict is inevitable. Understanding that it will happen and it is an opportunity for growth can be the first step for us to start a new year with a new outlook.

Amita Patel a licensed psychotherapist shared some conflict resolution skills in a blog she titled, Fight Like An Adult. We learn more about ourselves than others when we take a look at how we resolve conflict. 

Amita shared the following:

1. Keep a goal in mind.

2. Avoid grandiose or absolute statements such as "always" and "never".

3. Replace conjunctions. Change BUT to AND. This makes the statement solution focused as a team.

4. Confirm understanding, instead of listening to plan a retort or unconsciously assigning meaning.

5. Say what you want not what you don't want.

This list can help us keep our resolution person centered. It can help us be open to understanding others and their point of view.

In conflict resolution it is also important to remain open minded and stay evidence based. We would benefit from engaging in self-reflection and also reflecting on the perspective of the other person.

As professionals we can take conflict management skills and apply them to our personal and professional lives. We can also take theses skills and share them with students. We can take time to utilize and teach I-Statements. We can listen to our students with compassionate curiosity. We can confront a situation with facts, stay focused on a goal, and use the conflict as an opportunity to bring forth a positive change. 

 

The more we can take time to work on how we resolve conflicts the better equipped we will be to help our students resolve conflict.

If we want to help students build life skills, reduce outbursts, and reduce (or eliminate) fighting in the classroom we need to work on conflict resolution. 

Take this new year as a new opportunity for growth.

Reframe not Stop Your Feelings

 Each new year brings with it new plans (goals, resolutions), new hopes, and new emotions. The emotions that we experience are not always the ones in which we want to feel. While each new year is filled with wonder, hope, excitement, and pride; it can also be filled with emotions left behind from the previous year. You might experience a sense of regret, longing, guilt, disappointment, or sadness. With all of the possible emotions coming your way it would seem easier to simply turn it all off.

Instead of making a new year's resolution to have Alexia turn off your feelings try a mindful approach to the new year.

Let's begin with what to do about (or with) our feelings, instead of turning them off and dismissing them.

When we look at our feelings and the new year with mindfulness we can see a new way to design the new year. We can learn to reframe our thoughts and feelings.

Psychologists from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, Robin Stern and Marc Brackett have shared that we should take phrases such as;

"I need to work out to lose weight and not be fat."

and turn them into,

"I plan to wake early and work out to help boost my mood and feel like my best self."

We can do this with feelings as well. Take a feeling and reframe it. 

If you are feeling frustrated by a situation reframe it to be an opportunity for change, build resilience, or a time to let something go.

NYU Research Psychologist Gabriele Oettinger has pioneered the concept of goal disengagement. 

Often we set a goal for ourselves and when we fail to accomplish the goal we berate ourselves. We begin to experience feelings we would rather turn off than feel. Instead of ruminating on the feeling of frustration and disappoint, reframe the feeling and disengage from the goal.

Perhaps you set a personal goal to lose weight and you did not reach the goal weight you set for yourself. Instead of feeling angry or frustrated reframe the feeling and disengage from the goal.

Allow yourself space to feel the frustration and then remind yourself that you can still make healthy choices and reframe the feeling as hopeful that you are making the best choices for your mental and physical health.

As we explore this topic for ourselves we can learn new ways to help our students reframe feelings when they are upset about not reaching a goal. 

If a student is upset about a grade, help them reframe the feeling to address that they tried and have learned where they need to keep trying.

Teaching ourselves and our students a mindful way to reframe, not stop a feeling, can help them see the present in a more positive and hopeful way.

What can you reframe?

What goal can you disengage from this year?

How can you allow yourself to feel, reframe, and let go?

Giving It All

During a week when you feel like you have nothing more to give, remember this thought. If you only have 40% to give and you give all 40%, you gave 100%.

The week before a break is challenging. Everyone is ready to be out of school and home enjoying time away. Many of us have parties to plan, gifts to buy and wrap (so they look nice and not like they were wrapped in the dark by blind monkeys, aka my husband), meals to shop for, laundry to finish, dishes nightly, and we still come to work and pour into children. We come to work feeling that we have 10%, 20%, 33.3% to give. We often feel as if we do not have enough left to give. 

I love this idea that no matter what you have to give, if you give it, you gave all. My 40% given at a 100% is 100%.

You can make it this week. 

Don't judge yourself. Accept your feelings and work with them and through them, not against them. Mindfulness is accepting without judgement. Practice mindfulness by letting go of expectations and embrace what is. 

You are making it through each and every day. 

Let your mindfulness this week be a simple reminder that you are making it and you are giving your all. Be present. Don't judge. 

 

Santa Smiles and Grinch Hearts

A Message from Santa 

If that message from Santa didn't hit you with some perspective, watch it again. 

During this time of year we like to add fun and festive things to our lives. We have an elf on the shelf (who is sent to watch the naughty kids but is naughty himself....). We have colorful trees and lights. We say "Happy Holidays" and " Merry Christmas". But we are not always happy or merry. Too much gets in the way. Buying gifts. Planning get-togethers. And working.

Not every student celebrates a holiday this month, but many do. We add fun crafts, decorations, and elves to the school. We are cheerful and jolly. And when the students aren't looking we are exhausted and slightly grinchy. 

The message from Santa reminds us that we should not be looking at the students as "naughty" or "nice" but rather see their needs and who they are as a person. Are they showing frustration over a school subject? Is there something going on at home and they packed that emotion in their backpack with the school work? Are they too wearing a Santa Smile to hide a Grinch Heart? 

How do we help our students and ourselves be mindful and find a way to grow a Grinch heart three sizes?

Below is a list of ideas. Simply ideas. Not a to-do list which stresses you out and you have to check off one-by-one to ensure you are mindful. Find one or two that work for you. Explore a few for your students too.

Mindful Holidays 

1. Mindful Eating. This time of year there is LOTS of food. Mostly unhealthy, but so delicious. Remember to take time to enjoy. Don't chastise yourself for eating those extra calories. Enjoy them. Eat them slowly. Take a deep breath in and experience the amazing smells. Experience the flavors. Sip slow. Chew well. Enjoy.

2. Mindful Walking. I know that it's cold, but enjoy a walk. This time of year can be bleak and grey, but it can also be colorful and bright. Find a place that has a great light display and go for a walk. Take in deep breaths and experience the spirit of the season. Listen to the sounds. Maybe they are your feet crunching snow. Perhaps they are of animals in a distance. Find some peace in the calm of the night. When the walk is over try tip number one and have some hot cocoa with whipped topping. Remember sip slow and indulge. 

3. Morning Movement. Try giving your body a wake up stretch with yoga. The slow movements of yoga and the deep breathing can help you slowly wake your body. Stretch out all the sleep and give yourself time to slowly start the day.

4. Get Crafty. This is a great time of year to show off your creative side. Make some festive decorations. Bake a pie or some cookies. Create art. Nothing has to be perfect. Edible is a good goal. Pretty is appreciated. But even if you never reach perfect, enjoy the process. Find some flow and let go.

5. Quiet Time. Give yourself permission to recharge in a calm and quiet place. Turn off screens. Enjoy a moment of peace and calm. Give yourself this small gift.

6. Keep a Routine. This is a challenge. But research shows that we should never stray far from our normal sleep schedule. Give yourself permission to go to bed on time (or early). Give yourself permission to sleep in (or get up on time). Having a break from work doesn't mean you have to stay up late or sleep in. You can, but try not to stray too far from normal. When you keep your body on a normal routine your body feels better.

7. Set Priorities. Not everything has to be accomplished. Somethings you can forget. You can say "no". Set yourself a list of priorities and give yourself permission to ignore anything not on your list.

8. Conversations of Joy. A podcast recently reminded me that we don't have to talk about everything. We can choose to skip a conversation. It doesn't matter if Uncle Bob started the conversation and he wants your input. You can say you have set yourself a rule that at the holidays you only talk topics that bring you joy. If you aren't going to feel good after the conversation don't engage. 

9. Gratitude List. A great mindfulness practice is to start or end your day with a gratitude list. Make it season specific. List all of the things that bring you the most joy this time of year. Lights. Smells. Decorations. Faith. Family. Food. List what they are and why they bring you joy. 

10. Experience Presence not Presents. Be with friends and family. Put aside electronics. Put aside worry. Put aside stress. Put aside your to-do list. Give the present of your presences. Experience the moment in the moment. 

11. Give Grace. Give yourself some understanding and grace. If you didn't complete your to-do list. It's ok. If you ate every sweet at the party. It's ok. If you went to bed early. It's ok. If you slept in. It's ok. If you slowly drank your morning coffee, before you did anything for anyone else in the house. It's really truly ok. Don't berate yourself for taking a break. If you make it out on the other side of the holiday, that's enough. 

It's The Most Prosocial Time of the Year

This time of year children (and adults) can begin to engage in selfish behaviors. The season of giving has turned into the season of getting. It is a very "me, me, me" time of year (for some). But it doesn't have to be. It can become the Most Prosocial Time of the Year. 

What does this mean? How can we connect this to our students? Ourselves? Mindfulness?

Prosocial Behavior is a very well-being focused idea, and as we know mindfulness is focused on the present moment and making it a well-being moment.

Prosocial Behavior is defined as, voluntary actions specifically intended to benefit or improve the well-being of another individual or group of individuals. 

This time of year, as adults we can engage in prosocial spending. Spending our money to benefit others. But we can also engage in prosocial time. Giving others our time. I encourage you to take some time before break to spend a few minutes with each student. Give them a little one-on-one time before they go home for two weeks. They may not be gifted with prosocial time during break. Home does not always mean time with others for our students. Sometimes it means more time alone.

The idea behind prosocial giving/behavior, is that we work for the better of others. There are times that this can be reciprocal, such as our yearly Secret Santa (which is coming up, consider joining). This can also be altruistic, meaning that we give to benefit others, without return. This kind of prosocial behave is putting others before yourself and giving of yourself to them instead of giving to yourself.

Remember that activities such as Secret Santa are a fun way to engage in prosocial spending. This is also a great way to connect with others and build relationships.

But why should be do it? 

In psychology the questions have been posed and tested. We have learned the why.

Will a person be happier spending money on themselves or will the spending on others increase their happiness?

The answer is: Spending on others.

This is spending not just money, but time, self, and emotions.

How does this translate into the classroom?

Creating and allowing opportunities for students to engage in prosocial behavior is important and easy. 

Post a Mood Meter (I can send you a copy if you need it). Use it with the students. Teach them to identify their own feelings. This will help them identify feelings of others. Students can then begin to ask others if they need help, if they are alright, and what they need to be successful that day.

Prosocial behavior is teaching fair play at recess time. Teach students to resolve conflict, share, and play fair.

Encouraging positive peer connections. 

Have students write notes to each other, sharing encouragement, and letting someone else know that they are special.

Have a prize box and encourage students to tell you who they feel has earned a prize. 

Mx. Wray shared the idea that you can place a blank sheet of paper on each students desk. Then have the students rotate around the room writing a positive note on each paper. Give students some examples on the board and let them know that we want to say one nice thing for each student. 

This time of year is the perfect time of year to embrace and grow your prosocial skills.