Reflections not Resolutions

 As we travel these last few weeks of 2024 you might find yourself beginning to think of a new years resolution.

Instead of a resolution what if we take time to engaging in reflections. Mindful reflections.

Mindfulness is about being present in a moment. It's taking time to savor the best moments. It's learning from the challenging moments.

Thich Nhat Hanh once said, "Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment."

Hopefully you were able to dwell in some peaceful, loving, caring, kind, and understanding moments during 2024. Perhaps you were able to sit in moments and accept them as they came and learn from them.

On the website Integrativecounsel.org we are given a list of 12 suggestions to take time and reflect on at the end the year.

1. Health and Fitness

2. Intellectual Life

3. Emotional Life

4. Character

5. Spiritual Life

6. Love Relationships

7. Parenting Vision

8. Social Life

9. Financial Life

10. Career

11. Quality of Life

12. Life Vision

As I read this list I began to reflect on these items for myself. I began to wonder what it might look like if I focused my mindfulness in 2025 on these items. I feel that if instead of New Years Resolutions I make a New Years Purposeful Dedication to Mindfulness I will be happier, healthier, and am more likely to have success with meeting a goal.

1. Many people set resolutions toward fitness and health. What if we had a mindfulness mindset toward our wellbeing? 

2. Do we ever consider our intellectual life when we set new goals? I try to set a yearly reading goal. Most often I fall short. This year I can say I exceeded my goal!! I set a routine regarding when I read and I guarded that time. I was mindful about ensure I had that time each night (or most nights).

3. Now this one can be a true challenge. And it can have so many meaning when you think about it. This could be setting boundaries. This could be being more open. This could be allowing yourself to experience and not deny an emotion. This could be letting go of grudges. 

4. I love this one. I feel like this could be a great mindfulness new years goal for students. We could come back after break and instead of focusing on asking what gifts were received (maybe they weren't) we could take time to reflect on a students character in 2024 and what changes they would like to make in 2025. How about you? How is your character?

5. Spiritual life is a personal one. If it applies, take time and reflect. This year Leila participated in the children's Christmas choir at church and Madison asked for a Bible. Reflecting on this one with my family makes me feel proud and ready to keep moving forward in 2025.

6. Love relationships does not have to be romantic, but it can be. For me I see this as "How did you love in 2024?" Did others know you were giving and showing love? How did they know? Love is an action not a feeling (or not just a feeling). What were your love actions in 2024?

7. Parenting vision may seem exclusive to parents, but it doesn't have to be. Maybe you are preparing to be a parent. You want to be one. You are a pet parent. You are an amazing aunt or uncle. In a way for 8 hours a day you parent students. What was your 2024 vision for parenting. As I reflect I know that I need to refocus my love relationship during bedtime to better accomplish my parenting vision of being a calm and understanding parent (bedtime is the worst!).

8. Social Life. Do you have one? Did it satisfy you? Did you focus too much and not give yourself enough recharge time? Did you neglect it and you feel you lack connections with others?

9. This one can be touchy and personal. This one can be a real struggle, especially in this economy. Financial life. Give yourself some grace, set small goals, and be mindful. 

10. Career. How is it going?  I love my job. I worked for nearly 10 years in Flint doing social work before I came here. I had a job for 7 of those years where I was on-call 24/7. I went to a hospital at midnight in a snowstorm. I testified in court more times than I care to count. I stood before judges and advocated for children, once asking on behalf of a 16 year-old boy, to stop an adoption. I heard stories that would give you nightmares. And I was exhausted and disheartened.  The days get crazy at school, but the nights are mine. I love working with children. I hope that at the end of the day you feel that you are where you should be. And if not, what is your next step?

11. Quality of Life. How is it? Is it good? What needs to be improved upon? This one opens us up to some many possibilities. .

12. Life vision. Did 2024 fit into your life vision? What might need to be changed, challenged, or created in 2025 to fit your daily life into your life vision?

As we enjoy our time off, rest, relax, recharge, and reevaluated setting a New Years Resolution and find End of the Year Mindful Reflections and set Mindfulness Goals for 2025. 

 

Why Why Why

Have you ever been caught in a never ending string of "why" from a child? There was once a time that my oldest two children asked why so much I had to limit them to one why a day. Their whys were not for true curiosity but rather to simply see how many whys they could make someone answer.

According to Stanford Health when children ask a true why question is the beginning of their curiosity. They are seeking to understand what they see and hear. Giving a child an answer or even saying you do not know but suggesting you look it up together is the beginning of knowledge exploration. We should engage the why. Even if it is exhausting. 

The dreaded "why" leaves us never wanting to hear someone ask "Why". 

When I was trained in forensic interviewing of children we were taught to never ask a child why. Why in that instance is not an information seeking question. 

Combing my training of never asking a child why and dreading a child asking me why, I have long not liked why questions. I have avoided them.

This week I listened to a mindfulness that suggested learning to ask ourselves why. 

Why

Above is a link to the why mindfulness that has me reconsidering the word why and all of it's possibilities. 

Is your mind stuck?

Is something becoming repetitive in your mind?

Try a why.

When we begin to ask why we dig deeper and deeper. We ask more questions and attempt to solve and resolve.

Why am I feeling upset?

Why did that upset me?

Why couldn't I stay calm?

Why does that person get to me?

Why do I allow them to get to me?

Why should it matter what others say?

Why can I not control my thoughts?

Why can I not control my actions and reactions?

Why do I not ask for help?

Why do I not accept help?

If you listened to the quick mindfulness linked above you will know it is suggested that you ask why until you cannot ask why anymore. Ask until you have run out of whys.

Are you still stuck?

Have you emptied your mind?

Have you explored questions?

Have you figured anything out?

Could you utilize this mindfulness tool to help yourself reach out to others? Perhaps one of your why questions was asking yourself "why do I not ask for help?" Did you ask and attempt to answer? Can you now make a plan to ask for help?

Could be explore this mindfulness with students?

Can we take time to work with them and explore their whys and learn what has them stuck?

Try a WHY 

The Bigger Story

Quick Mindfulness To Start

1. What emotional energy do yo want to bring into every human interaction?

2. What ideals and principles do you hold dear?

3. What is your secret audacious aspirations for this life?

We are more than what we do in this world.

As we trudge, march, run, slow walk, and drag ourselves through these next three weeks I hope that you can take some time to remember who you really are and not just what you do.

There is always a bigger story to your life.

If you took the time to listen to the mindfulness you will notice that the three questions at the top were the questions you were asked to consider. Did you? I know I did. They seemed almost too easy to answer, however, I wonder if I live my life in such a way others might be able to guess the answers.

Can we tell what emotional energy others desire to bring into interactions with us or others?

Can we tell what ideals or principles others hold dear?

Have you ever shared your audacious aspiration with someone?

When we are struggling with a co-worker or a student it might be wise to reflect on these questions. We can ask ourselves what emotional energy we are bring to that other person. Maybe that difficult student is even more difficult to you specifically because of the emotional energy you are bringing to your interactions. 

We can also take this mindfulness and utilize as a way to get to know our students. And help our students get to know themselves. 

This mindfulness encourages us to reflect on our emotional energy and how we interact with others. Students rarely, if ever, know the emotional energy they bring into a situation.

If we can encourage our student to spend time reflecting on these questions they will gain a great insight on themselves. Then we can ask them to recognize the emotional energy others bring to interactions. 

This mindfulness is also a great for peer conflict resolution. Together students could reflect on themselves and the other person/people involved. 

Years ago when I worked in Flint doing in-home social work I worked with a gentlemen who subtlety let me know that everything about me offended him. He would make comments about people in their 20's being too young to know anything (I was in my 20s), he commented that women couldn't drive (as I drove him places because he had no transportation), he said that people without kids should never tell people with kids anything about kids (at that time in life I was childless and I was in his home because of child neglect issues and it was my job to help him work on correcting the concern) and one day he even flat out said I couldn't help him because I was white (he was black).

I talked with my supervisor about these comments and I was advised to be blunt or we weren't going to have success with his case.

I went to his home the following day and was very open with him about how his comments were preventing him from allowing me to do my job. He shared that he didn't think I would understand him because he had always been taught that white people are raised soft.

I took time to talk with him about myself, you could say that I engaged in the mindfulness we are talking about this week. I shared that ideals and principals I was raised believing and that I hold dear. After I shared he stated that he felt like we weren't so different after all.

Because I took the time my client opened up and then allowed me to help him and in the end his son was returned home.

We can find understanding with other adults, with students, and we can help students find understanding with each other. 

A seemingly simple mindfulness can help build trust, relationships, and reduce anger and misunderstandings. 

You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile

I have always loved musicals. I grew up watching The Sound of Music, Grease, Meet Me in St. Louis, The King and I, The Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins, Annie, and many more. I enjoyed them all, I still do. But my favorite was always Annie. 

In Annie there is a scene where the orphan girls are listening to the radio, a song comes on and they all begin singing. The song is You're Never Fully Dressed without a Smile. 

The song talks about how it doesn't matter who you are or how you dress, in fact we are told that the only thing that matters is if you have a smile on your face. This was true when Annie first made an appearance and it is still true today.

Incase you were wondering the history of Annie (I found it fascinating), I did some deep diving for us all. Annie first started as a poem in 1885, then began a comic strip in 1924, a radio play in the 1930's, it was first a film in 1932, and finally hit Broadway as a musical in 1977.

I did the research on Annie because I wanted to see when we first have the little girls sing along telling us to always wear a smile. 

You may wonder why or how this applies to school, mindfulness, and you. We are getting there, I promise.

November 13th's Daily Jay on the Calm app was simply titled Smile. Jay talked about bring a smile to a moment and genuinely feeling the smile. Jay shared wisdom regarding the benefits of a smile. As his daily mindfulness often does, Jay had me thinking and researching.

Smiling is not a learned behavior. It is biological and can be seen on babies in the womb.   

Smiling is a form of communication and can mean different things at different times. Not every smile is of happiness. Some smiles could be a related to; embarrassment, anger, fear, or even forced. Psychologist believe that their about 15 different types of smiles.

The French anatomist Duchenne discovered that a smile which includes the eyes is the product of a genuine positive emotion. They call this smile the Ducheene Smile. So the next time you observed someone's whole face to be smiling, mouth and eyes, remember that it is a smile of pure happiness.

Why should we care so much about smiling? There may be times where you just do not feel like smiling. That's understandable. However, there are times where bringing a smile to a situation can benefit you and others.

Studies are finding that smiling makes you feel better. A smile can help increase your mood enhancing hormones and decrease stress hormones. 

As we increase the positive hormones we can see a drop in blood pressure, a lower rate of illness and infection, lower rates of cancer, and a decreased rate of early death.

Smiling can help you live longer.

Smiling is linked to optimism. The more you smile the better life becomes.

Below is a quick smiling affirmation. It could be a quick mindfulness for yourself or your students.

Here is another thought on smiling.

One last link. A mindfulness that walks you through using the word SMILE. Try it today and see if you smile during and/or after.

Remember to try on a smile today. Afterall, you're never fully dressed without a smile. 

 

That's A Hard Pass...

You are worth a "No."

In a 2023 paper, psychologist and researchers; Peter Muris and Henry Otgaer shared that when we consistently say 'yes' to others we are signaling to the self that our time, energy, and needs are expendable. 

When we say 'yes' to everything we are saying that our time, needs, and energy are less important than those of others.

Learning to say 'no' is a declaration of self-worth.

Learning to say 'no' is a topic we have reviewed a couple of years back. But it is worth a refresh for all of us, me included.

November is a great time to practice the appropriate time and place for the word 'no'. 

Learning to say no can help us set healthy boundaries. This time of year, as we enter the holiday season we would benefit from practicing some well placed 'no' responses. 

Remember, you are not responsible for the happiness of others. While you can contribute positivity, it is not your job to ensure others are happy. Not every dish has to been made for Thanksgiving. Not every toy has to be purchased for Christmas. Not every person needs to be invited to your house. And you do not have to attend a holiday gathering that drains you, makes you uncomfortable, or you simply just do not want to attend.

In an article on PostivePsychology.com Laura Coply, Ph D shares with us How to Say No & And Master the Art of Personal Freedom.

Dr. Coply shares that learning to say 'no' is not merely an act of self-preservation but also a way to recognize that this is a skill we owe ourselves. 

Saying 'no' is not an easy task. We may not always know how to say it without hurting others. However, doing so can ensuring that we are true to our needs. 

Saying 'yes' often feels like the social expectation and if we dare to say 'no' we feel the heavy weight of guilt.  Ask yourself, Am I saying yes out of a place of fear? Are you afraid of the reaction you may get if you say 'no'? Remember, their reaction is not your responsibility. Your well-being is your responsibility. 

The more you say 'no' with purpose the better boundaries you will set. 

People will learn to know when you can help and when you need help.

Learning to say 'no' is also a good way to build self-confidence and self-esteem. You are prioritizing you and your mental health. You are standing up strong for you.

Your willingness to set boundaries may also encourage others to set their own.

As we learn to say 'no' we can begin to ask ourselves if we ask or demand too much from others. Are we asking others to say 'yes' and creating social pressure and expectations? 

It is important to remember that as we say 'no' we too may begin hearing more nos. This is not a bad thing. Remember we are all trying to work on setting healthy boundaries.

In an attempt to help us on our healthy boundary journey to use 'no' appropriately I decided to take some time to see what AI might say. I asked Chatgpt to share "creative ways to say no." Below is the list provided.

Playful or Humorous:

1. "Not in this lifetime!"
2. "My crystal ball says... 'Nope!'"
3. "That's a hard pass, but thanks for asking!"
4. "I’m going to have to give that a rain check... indefinitely."
5. "Not today, Satan!"

Light and Polite:

1. "I’m going to have to bow out this time."
2. "I wish I could, but it’s just not in the cards for me right now."
3. "That sounds awesome, but I’m going to pass this time."
4. "I’ll have to sit this one out, but thanks for thinking of me!"
5. "I’m going to have to say no, but I appreciate the offer."

Firm but Kind:

1. "I’m going to have to decline respectfully."
2. "That doesn’t quite work for me at the moment."
3. "Unfortunately, that’s not something I can commit to right now."
4. "I appreciate the invitation, but I have to say no."
5. "That’s not something I can take on right now, but thank you."

Self-Care Focused:

1. "I'm on a self-care mission today, so I’ll have to pass."
2. "I’m prioritizing my own time right now, but thanks for understanding."
3. "I’m currently on a ‘no’ streak – need to recharge!"
4. "I’m in a ‘me-time’ mode, so I can’t take that on right now."
5. "My mental bandwidth is maxed out at the moment, but I really appreciate it!"

In a Work Context:

1. "I’ll have to pass on this one due to my current workload."
2. "I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now, but thank you for considering me."
3. "This isn’t something I can commit to with my current priorities."
4. "That doesn’t align with my current goals, but I appreciate the offer!"
5. "I’m focused on a few other projects right now, so I’ll have to pass."

Witty or Sarcastic (for close friends):

1. "No can do, my schedule is already booked with Netflix."
2. "I would love to, but my couch is calling my name."
3. "If only I had a clone... but unfortunately, it’s just me."
4. "I’m currently accepting requests for ‘no’ only."
5. "I’d love to, but I’ve just made plans with my bed for the evening."

------------------

After reading these responses I decided to ask Chatgpt for "mindful ways to say no." 

1. Express Gratitude First

"Thank you so much for thinking of me. I really appreciate the offer, but I need to decline this time."

2. Acknowledge the Request

"I can see why you’d want me to do that, and it sounds like an interesting opportunity. However, I need to say no right now to honor my own limits."

3. Set Boundaries with Kindness

"I’ve been reflecting on my priorities lately, and I need to honor my time and energy. As much as I would like to help, I have to say no this time."

4. Be Honest but Gentle

"I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed, and I need to take care of my own well-being right now. I hope you understand."

5. Offer a Brief Explanation (If Appropriate)

"At this moment, I don’t have the capacity to take on anything new, but I’m grateful you thought of me."

6. Empathize with Their Position

"I understand this may be disappointing, and I’m really sorry to let you down. However, I need to say no in order to protect my time and energy."

7. Use Mindful Language

"I’ve taken a moment to check in with myself, and I realize that I need to decline this request in order to stay balanced."

8. Reaffirm Your Relationship

"I value our connection and appreciate you asking, but I’m unable to help right now. I hope you understand."

9. Be Direct but Warm

"I’ve thought about it, and I need to say no. It’s important for me to stay true to my needs at this time."

10. Focus on the Positive

"I’m not able to take this on, but I hope you find the right person who can help you!"

My hope is that you take some time to find your way to say 'no' when it is needed. Remember, You are worth the word "No."

 

Find Your Calm

Telling someone to just calm down, doesn't work, they need a how to calm down technique. We all need a how to, we aren't Nike, we can't, Just Do It.

Before I share a fun and quick way to teach our students how to calm down let's take a moment to understand a few whys. 

In a quick read on beingwell.yale.edu we can learn that finding our calm can help with our heart health. This is something we all need, not just adults. We have students who might be dealing with health issues which are heart related. 

Finding calm can also help reduce muscle tension and elevate stress. Calm helps us avoid depression, anxiety, and even obesity. If we think about our students, they often tell us they spend all of their free time on games and eating junk food. With each passing year childhood obesity rates increase.

Calmness can also help improve our brain function and memory. These are key in a school setting, don't you think?

While Yale gives us a compelling list, there is still more. 

Mayoclinic.org also has shared a list of research based reasons to find your calm.

The Mayo Clinic has shared that finding calm can:

-Slow our heart rate

-Lower our blood pressure

-Improve our digestion

-Slow our breathing

-Control our blood sugar levels

-Lessen the activity of stress hormones

-Increase blood flow to major muscles

-Lessen muscle tension and chronic pain

-Improve mood

-Improve the quality of our sleep

-Lower fatigue

-Lessen anger and frustration (do you know how many times a day a young student tells me they have anger issues ....TOO MANY.... it's not issues with anger they have, it's lack of skills to calm the anger)

-Boost confidence to handle problems (we all could use more confidence, especially our students, they need to be shown how to build confidence in themselves).

Now that we have a significant list of reasons why we should practice finding calm lets begin to explore the how.

Below is a picture I found this past weekend and loved it. 

This is a great way to teach our students (and ourselves) how to calm down. It involves breathing and utilizing imagery of things that comfort us, make us happy, and help us feel calm.  We can take time to make a calm palm  with our students and then refer back to it anytime there is a need for a refresh.

What might your calm palm look like?

-books

-movies

-podcasts

-tiktok

-family

-friends

-hobbies

-chocolate 

-French fries 

-pets

-outdoors

-sleep

This mindfulness activity is a great opportunity to get to know what things your students find calming. This is a great way to connect and build relationships while building a resource and supporting a calm student and calm classroom.

Once you have created the Calm Palm, you can use it to take deep breaths in and out.  As a student (or you) breaths in you move your finger along a line and land on a item of comfort. I like to pause the breathe and hold the image in my mind. Then I move down the next line and slowly breathe out. This is repeated on all five fingers (or 10 if you have done both hands).

I hope this calming technique helps in your calm journey.

Here is another way to find some calm, come to my office (Nov 11-15) and grab a treat in honor or November 13th, World Kindness Day.

Take it Easier on Yourself

If you have been with us since 2019 and have been reading along, this is blog #200! Some blogs during the pandemic were funny or uplifting memes (Pebbling before it was a thing 😉), some have been blogs reviewing topics we talked about before but with a new look, and some have been fun for the holiday spirit (see 'Twas The Week Before Break). I hope that you have enjoyed and learned from a blog or two.

This week I want to talk about Self- Compassion. Before we get started feel free to take the free Self-Compassion Assessment created by Dr. Kristin Neff, PhD.

Self- Compassion while secular has some roots in the Buddhist ideals of compassion toward oneself. Three of the six components to self-compassion come from the Buddhist. They are; kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Dr. Neff's list is as follows; Self-kindness, Self-Judgment, Common Humanity, Isolation, Mindfulness, and Over-Identification. 

The word compassion in Latin refers to how we are with (com) suffering (passion). The idea of self-compassion asks us, how do we suffer with ourselves. 

Research shows that we are better at showing compassion to others. We give grace when others are failing. We give comfort when others are feeling down. But we are harsh on ourselves. For many they feel they need to be tough on themselves. They need to "accept" their shortcomings. But in reality, the harder we are on ourselves the higher our risk of anxiety and depression become. 

If you took the assessment you can tell by some of the questions what we need to do to improve our self-compassion.

We need to understand that others have challenges too, we aren't the worst, we all fail, its ok to accept our shortcomings, we don't have to beat ourselves up for the parts of our personality we struggle to like.

It can be a struggle to get started with self-compassion but we do have some mindfulness tool that can help us.

One mindfulness exercise we can practice encourages us to Rate the Behavior NOT Ourselves. 

More often than not we evaluate ourselves and show little compassion based on ourselves. We forget that a behavior does not define us. 

A behavior does not define a student.

Take a deep breath in, settle into a relaxed position, and remind yourself that you are not defined by your actions. You are not your behaviors. Our behavior may have failed that moment, but we are not a failure. 

When you catch yourself becoming intolerant to your imperfections remember to step back, breath in, and show yourself compassion.

Below is a guided mediation to help you begin your journal of self-compassion.

 

 

Ice Ice Baby...Juice Cube Cold

Do you have that one student who escalates and cannot come back? 

No matter what technique you have tried to help calm them and help them regulate, they just keep escalating.

This week lets explore a nonconventional mindfulness to interrupt the brain, de-escalate, and help regulate our students (and maybe even ourselves).

Mindfulness is about paying attention on purpose. We can do this with listening, touching, seeing, and even eating. In the past we have explored mindful eating, reminding ourselves to slowdown and fully experience our food. This time we are going to talk about how food could disrupt our brain and create a new focus and (hopefully) leading to calm.

Cold or Sour pick one or both, but try them out.

Have you ever head about a cold plunge? 

This is where you submerge your body into ice cold water and stay for an extended period of time. 

It is believed that a cold plunge can help increase neurotransmitters related to dopamine. 

Well we can't cold plunge a student to get their brain to calm down we can still introduce a cold stimuli. 

Giving a student a piece of ice to hold in their mouth can distract the brain from the escalation just enough to help them regulate. The shock to in the mouth has the brain trying to figure out what is going on. 

Small studies have seen a cold stimuli such as ice to have a positive effect on mood, mental clarity, and provide a boost in alertness.

This week I have taken a few opportunities to engage in some ice tests. I observed a student who would not move or talk to take some ice, hold it in their mouth, and then be willing to walk and talk. Whether it was the cold changing the brain or just a distraction that diverted attention; it worked!

It is not only cold we can use to alert and redirect the brain. 

Some studies show that sour is a taste that can cause a rush of dopamine to flood the brain. We can help alter a mood to become happy with a quick sour taste.

When studying sour it has been observed that sour increases serotonin and other neurotransmitters such as dopamine, which play a role in elevating mood and promote wakefulness.

Over the weekend I saw a video which led me down the path of researching cold, sour, and the brain. The teacher in the video shared that she makes Juice Cubes to give to students who need to de-escalate and regulate their behavior. She shared that she uses the school juices, which tend to be sour, and freezes them into cubes. She also shared that the students are also distracted by having to guess the flavor of the cube.

I think I may try some juice cube soon with some friends.

The juice cube guessing game can also be a good mindfulness for a whole class. Taking time to savor and experience the cold and flavor of a cube in a calm way. 

Juice Cubes

 

Freeze

Have you ever felt that the longer your to-do list becomes the less you get done? 

This is called Overwhelm Freeze. You become so overwhelmed your brain begins to perceive your to-do list as a threat.

Have you ever noticed a student just stop what they are doing or come in and do nothing? Perhaps they are not being work avoidant, defiant, or ignoring you. Perhaps they feel overwhelmed to the point of freeze. The tasks you are asking them to complete have now become a threat to their brain. 

Often times when we observe a student disengaging from a lesson and their work we address it head on, as we should.  However, we might not be doing it in a productive way. We may notice a result of further withdraw or even explosion.

The website Navigationpsychology.com has shared a list of possible overwhelm freeze responses we might see. It is good to have an understanding of what it might look like in an effort to better support a student, co-worker, or ourselves.

Here is the list that was shared:

• Feeling so overwhelmed by your to-do list that you end up doing nothing

• Putting off dealing with stressful situations

• Procrastinating tasks you need to finish

• Struggling to make decisions

• Going blank in a conversation

• Having difficulty speaking up or taking action to protect yourself

• Shutting down or checking out after a tough day

• Escaping by scrolling on your phone, bingeing shows, or playing video games for hours on end

• Feeling numb, flat, or lacking in emotion

• Feeling helpless or powerless to take action

• Feeling detached from your body or your surroundings

Once we recognize the signs we can support in a way that will help not harm the person stuck in a state of freeze.

 

If you would like to take 7 minutes to explore this topic in a mindful way tune in to The Daily Jay on he Calm app. Thursday Oct 17 is all about overwhelm freeze. Jay even shares that we can utilize mindfulness to help get out of the freeze state.

The website Navigationpsychology.com also shares that the first step to acknowledge that we are in that state. This could  also be used when asking a student if they feel frozen, stuck, or overwhelmed and talking with about being the freeze state.

The freeze response is signal from our brain to our body that there is danger. Real or perceived danger is still danger in the Amygdala. Engaging in a grounding mindfulness can help bring reality awareness to our brain and body. 

Below is a good relaxation mindful meditation for our students who may be in the freeze state.

You can also utilize Inner Explorer. For younger kids look for the "relaxation train" for elementary students look into "a body scan" and for our middle school students you can also explore "body scan." This helps us find the feelings in our body and learn to release them.

On the Daily Jay, Jay suggests giving yourself a sort of If-Then statement. Or a Once-Then option. Once I complete task one on my list I can sit on my phone for 5 minutes. If I complete a task I can relax with a book or podcast. Tie a task to a reward. We do it for students, do not be afraid to do it for yourself.

Start small and build. Allow your students to start small and build. It is not always easy to remind our brain and body that a threat is not real and we can move forward. It takes time and practice. It takes a mindfulness practice. 

Sink or Swim

For some of us mindfulness is a natural part of our day. We set aside time to have a daily practice. We notice the benefits. We utilize it when stress, anxiety, worry, or even anger creep up on us.

For some mindfulness is a task on a to-do list. One more thing to check off. A stressor if it is not completed and checked off the list.

For others mindfulness seems unnecessary or even useless. 

This week I have been considering the differences and trying to figure out how to move people from the to-do list and useless camps into a place of noticing the need and desiring the practice.

One thing I feel like maybe I have neglected is taking time to share with all of us a good way to get started.

For people jumping into a pool and just going for it was a good way to learn how to swim. 

My dad has long told the story of being a child and in a boat with his dad. They are floating along in the lake and the next thing he knows his dad is tossing him out of the boat and telling him to swim to shore. This was the 1950's and probably not how you are teaching your children to swim today. I took my little one to swim classes at an indoor pool where they gradually introduced her to kicking and paddling. 

Is one way right and the other way wrong? My dad can swim. My daughter can swim. The end result was the same. Would I toss my child from a boat? No. Does my dad have animosity toward his father for his technique? No.

Maybe mindfulness is the same way.

Some of us are willing jump from the boat, while others need some guidance and encouragement. 

This week I want to share some swimming in to mindfulness tips to get you started.

Before we dip our toes into the water of mindfulness let's take some time to set our intentions.

Our Intentions give us that "why" we love so much in education. Find your why. Remember your why.

All joking aside, having a why in mindfulness can help you understand the need and set a desire.

Why do I do mindfulness? 

• To have a positive mindset. I know that I need to train my brain to see the good, so that I be the good, and I share the good with those around me.
• My goal is to be calm and ready to handle the day. No matter what the day may bring.
• I want to quiet the chatter in my brain when my to-do list gets longer, not shorter; even when I am checking things off the list.

When I set my intentions I also focus on the, when.

When will I do my personal mindfulness?

For me I start my day with a mindfulness practice of gratitude. I reflect on the previous day, I look for the good in the morning, and I create hope for the day. Admittedly I am often grateful for my morning cup of coffee. I am also grateful a good night sleep, my family, my adorable puppy who always has to sit on my lap and is there while I am doing my mindfulness, and so much more.

On Monday mornings I make sure my gratitude list always includes being grateful for a new week fill of new opportunities and new possibilities. I want to reset Monday from dread to 

When is best for you? Someone please want to start the day the mindful way, while others want to close it out to promote positive sleep. There is no right or wrong, only a what works best for you. Maybe you want to start and end the day with a mindful moment.

Making is a priority will make it important and it will become a natural part of your day.

If you do not know how to swim you aren't safe around water.

If you do not practice mindfulness you mind isn't safe around difficult feelings and challenging events.

  

In October We Wear Orange

 October is National Bullying Awareness Month.

We as a school take time to educate ourselves and our students on what bully is and what it is not. This year we are also asking that you take 5 minutes out of your day, each day, and let a student know why you believe in them.

We all need someone to believe in us. Chances are your students do not hear it enough, or even at all.

I Believe In You.

The government definition of bullying is:

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

1 out of 5 students report being bullied.

1 out of 10 students report skipping schooled due to cyberbullying.

60% of students report that cyberbullying has negatively impacted their learning and sense of safety at school.

55% of students report being cyberbullied at some point in their lives.

Bullying stops 57% of the time within 10 seconds if students stand up for each other.

If you haven't signed up for a lesson please do. Learning about bullying is important for all of our students and staff.

And please invite me to join you as you tell students why you believe in them! I would love to have a video to show the school. Let impact our students in a positive way this month. Show them there are positive ways to communicate. Show them that someone believes in them.

Think Again

 Overthinking v Rethinking

Are you an overthinker? Do you ever find yourself in an infinite loop of rumination? 

For some they feel that overthinking means that they are putting a lot of thought and effort into something to ensure that it is done right. Or at least what they believe to be, done right.

Science has found that overthinking can inhibit decisive action and can actually cause decision paralysis. The truth is, overthinking doesn't help us make better choices but rather it cause us to make none at all.

The process of overthinking can also lead to heighten anxiety, impair making correct choices, overemphasize a problem, and cause forecasting (spending too much time guess what will happen as an outcome). 

Overthinking causes a lot of us to spend time ruminating. Ruminating centers on the past, dwelling, and brooding. Rumination can lead to sadness, regret, and depression.

Rumination focuses on "What I should have done...." and can lead to catastrophic thinking; going over the worst case  scenario and hypervigilance; always watching and always on guard. 

The more we overthink and ruminate the more we engage in avoidance behavior. We believe it is better to not do something than to do it wrong and have to think about the mistakes over and over again.

Why is it important for us to know this kind of information? The answer is simple, overthinking negatively impacts the brain.

The more we overthink and ruminate the more we strengthen the negative thinking neural pathways in our brain. A study done in 2023 found that when we overthink we train our brain to anticipate the negative and reinforce those neural pathways.

When I begin teaching our students about mindfulness I share with them that we are working to grow our Prefrontal Cortex and create positive neural pathways. Our Prefrontal Cortex is our center for wise choices, attention, and problem solving. When we overthink and ruminate we are negatively impacting the Prefrontal Cortex and create neural pathways that cause overthinking loops and fuel the cycle to continue.

Overthinking can also cause an increase in cortisol levels, which is the stress hormone. This can cause higher risks of anxiety and depression.

I know, that was a lot of information thrown at you. If you are like me you find it fascinating and helpful. I can look at people in my life and identify the overthinking and rumination. I know those people in my life also have high blood pressure and are often irritated by things that really do not affect them. 

Are you an overthinker? Do you know one? Do you have one in class? 

Are there students who freeze on tests, afraid to mark any answer for fear of getting one wrong? Do you have a student who does not want to come to school, has anxiety, or always seems to be negative?

You probably have an overthinker.

Mindfulness practices can help us learn to rethink. Look at things in a new light. See something from a new angle. Rethinking is to think again from a new perspective.

When we take time to calm our bodies, quiet our brains, and look again, we learn to rethink.

I started this post with words from Adam Grant. He has a podcast focused on Rethinking. Take a listen. He will have you rethinking from a new perspective what you were overthinking and ruminating. 

When we learn to mindfully rethink a situation we see things in a new light. 

This weekend try taking some time to assess if you are an overthinker and see how you could change that to rethinking. Could you be done with a thought? Could you shift? Take a deep breath and boldly rethink and gain a new perspective.

The Moment in the Middle

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In the space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." -Author Unknown but often attributed to Viktor Frenkl, there is no clear evidence to refute or confirm.

The space between stimulus and response. 

We often to do not think about this space. But we should!

The Buddhists call this space the sacred pause. This is a space and time to pause and make wise choices regarding a situation.

Tara Brach, who is a psychologist, author, and meditation expert often refers to the sacred pause. She shared that this is a time to stop before we interject, interrupt, or strongly state our views. We do not always need to do these things and can benefit from taking a sacred pause.

A sacred pause is a moment in limbo, where you do not feel a need to speak, fix, achieve, resist, resolve, or run away. 

It is our moment in the middle.

We can use this mindful meditation with ourselves, our co-workers, and our students. We can also teach our students to utilize this mindfulness to help with conflict resolution.

The way we can practice the sacred pause is to:

1. Notice. Simple take in the information regrading the situation. Notice without reacting or responding. Simply observe as if you are an outsider.

2. Identify your personal emotions regarding your observation, Identify your inner experience related to what you noticed. What are you experiencing as far as; fight, flight, freeze, or faint? 

3. Take a deep breath. And do this over and over. As much as necessary to remain in the in between. 

After you have completed this process take time to then ask yourself some questions:

1. What is most important to me? What matters right now? Does it matter if I am right? Will this serve my greater wellbeing?

2. Is it helpful to act on my feelings? Will I or other benefit from a reaction to my feelings?

3. How can I meet this situation with kindness?

4. What is the truest path forward? The greater good.

In the end when we take time for a sacred pause we can ask ourselves "what is the goal of my reaction?"

The next time a stimulus has you ready to jump into response, pause, ask yourself your goal, and then meet it with kindness. 
 

Kindfulness

My Pebble of Humor. This guy has some funny shorts( and amazing mugs). Enjoy.

Now that we have had a good laugh (I hope) lets take a real look at kindness. Below is a link to a book read on YouTube. The book is called Kindness is My Superpower. It is a great book for our younger students. 

Kindness is my Superpower

How does kindness fit into our daily lives? How important is kindness? Does it connect to mindfulness? 

In a 2015 article on Mindful.org, author Shamash Alidina shares her thoughts and findings on kindness and mindfulness.

Alidina shares that we cannot truly be mindful until we bring kindness to our mindfulness. 

If we think about our definition of mindfulness we find that this is ever present. "Pay attention, on purpose, without judgement." When we engage in mindfulness without judgement we are showing kindness to ourselves and others.

A monk named Ajahn Brahm coined a tern for kindness within mindfulness, kindfulness. Imagine meeting your feelings with kindness and being gentle with yourself, even in the face of unpleasant feelings.

Alidina in her article goes on to share that she sees kindness and mindfulness as two wings of one bird. When we engage both we soar to great heights of wisdom, unconditional joy, and deep peace.

So how do we engage kindness into our mindfulness?

First we can practice a mindful meditation called Loving-Kindness. This is a mindfulness that asks us to send well wishes to ourselves, those we love, and those we struggle with the most. 

Another way to infuse mindfulness with kindness is to take time to place our hands on our hearts as we take in deep breaths. We can also close our eyes and smile. Make sure that while you are engaging in the practice you are listening with your heart and not focusing with your head. 

We can also engage objects into the mindfulness to remind us of kindness. For many, young and old, a cuddle/hug gives the feeling of security. This is a kind gesture toward yourself. We can do this by grabbing a stuffed animal and squeezing tight. Don't have one near you, find anything that holds meaning to you. It might sound silly, but perhaps you are grateful for water and you are showing kindness to yourself by having a bottle of water. Grab the water and hold it close while you breathe in and be thankful. 

Don't forget kind words. Ourself talk is often the worst talk we do in the day. We diminish our accomplishments, belittle our efforts, and berate ourselves for mistakes. Kindness mindful behavior looks like using a softened, positive self-talk. Relax, take it easy, and tell yourself "I can keep going."

Let's practice Loving-Kindness together.

Take a deep breath in. 

As you breathe in think of something you wish for yourself today. Use kind words with yourself.

Hold in the breath and the wish.

Then release the wish with the breath.

Take another deep breath in. 

As you breathe in think of someone you love and care about deeply. What do you wish for them today?

Hold in the breath and the wish.

Then release the wish with the breath.

Last deep breath in.

This breath is for someone you struggle to like, get along with, or maybe even dislike greatly.  Be gentle. Be kind. While this wish it toward them, it is for you. This is showing your kindness and lightening your emotional load.

Breathe in and hold the breath and wish.

Breathe out and release the wish.

Now that we are done with the mindfulness practice lets ask ourselves a question; do i feel warm, calm, and peaceful?

After a true kind mindfulness, kindfulness, we should feel a sense of peace and calm. We should not be angry, irritated, or simply glad the activity is completed.

Can you take a moment today to infuse your mindfulness with kindness and ask yourself if that helped you feel peaceful and calm?

Just Be Patient

 In a recent study of 3,000 Americans, 45% of Millennials (those born between 1981-1996) reported to feeling less patient than they did 5 years ago. They shared that they blame technology.

With technology at our finger tips we live in a low-effort, high-reward society. This kind of world is not conductive to cultivating patience. 

Even though patience is a virtue we as humanity have long seen as important, it is only something that psychologist have begun to study in the last 20-30 years.

Psychologist Sarah Schnitker published her patience research findings in The Journal of Positive Psychology. In her article, An Examination of Patience and Well-Being, Schnitker shares that patience is positively correlated with well-being. She reports that it also correlates to positive coping skills and thriving.

The definition of patience is,  the propensity of a person to wait calmly in the face of frustration, adversity, or suffering. 

I don't know about you, but reading that definition had me reflecting on my patience. The word propensity mean, the inclination or natural tendency toward.  

Do you have a natural tendency toward or are you inclined to be patient? 

Do you have that inclination in the face of frustration? 

The beginning of a new school year is a time for great patience. You need to have a propensity toward patience when students struggle to put into practice the guidelines, rules, and required behaviors you are establishing in your classroom. 

If we think about the fact that nearly half of all millennials state they feel less patient due to technology, what might that mean for our students? Do they even have or understand what it means to be patient?

How do we help cultivate patience in our students (and ourselves)?

The Cleveland Clinic shared a list of 6 tips to increase patience. Their top tip: Mindfulness.

The Calm App has also shared a list of their top 10 tips for building patience. Their top two are, to look for opportunities to be patient and to practice mindfulness.

As a school we utilize mindfulness for our students, not to simply fill time, but to help improve their well-being. We as adults can use mindfulness to help improve our own well-being and patience. 

After reading the lists shared by the Cleveland Clinic and the Calm App I have compiled a list of suggestions to help us increase our patience as we help teach patience to our students.

1. Mindfulness. Do your own. Do it with your class. Use Inner Explorer,

2. Look for an opportunity to be patient. Did you come to school today? If you answered yes, then you found an opportunity to be patient. Don't waste this time. Utilize it.

3.Shift your perspective. A student is not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. 

4. Accept what is out of your control. You can give directions but a student has to choose to follow them.

5. Listen well. Often times we listen to respond. Make sure you listen to understand.

6. Build tolerance for discomfort. Practice active ignoring, when safe. Don't sweat the small stuff.

7. Create a go to calming routine. What do you do to calm down? Do you have a calming space in your class? Do you use a calming app? (I use the Calm app and listen to The Daily Jay)

8. Empathize. Remember you were once young, new to school, and had to learn new rules.

9. Remember what matters most to you. Think ahead to long term goals. Do not engage in a power struggle now to be right in the moment. Build a relationship and focus on the long term goals.

10. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your students. We will all have moments of impatience. Remember our mindfulness definition, pay attention on purpose without judgement. Do not judge for the moments you cannot handle it. Ask for support. Give support where it is needed. Be kind.

Below is the self evaluation Schnitker utilized in her research. How is your patience looking? Which of the ten tips might you need to focus on to help build your patience? 

Pebbling

 

When a male penguin falls in love he searches for the perfect pebble. Once he finds it he presents it to the penguin he likes. Scientist sees this as a kind of penguin proposal. 

In recent years people have started "Pebbling" using social media and messaging. Many people like to send memes, GIFs, or short videos to friends. 

Psychologist are looking at pebbling as a great way to connect, share ourselves, and increase positive mental health.

When we see something online that we enjoy we often want to share it with others, especially those we feel would enjoy it too. When we send a "pebble" to another person we are raising our Dopamine levels. Dopamine is the chemical in our body that helps us feel happy. When we receive a "pebble" we feel connected, thought about, and even loved by another person. When we feel love and connect we experience an increase in Oxytocin. Oxytocin is the chemical in our bodies that helps us feel love and belonging.

Psychologist are seeing pebbling as a way to create a cycle of kindness. We all experience happiness and love.  Engaging in pebbling is providing a positive chain reaction.

I have previously shared a story about a time a teacher placed a Far Side comic on my desk. My teacher knew I was a runner and the comic featured a cheetah putting on running shoes. I loved it. I felt seen. My teacher took time to connect with me outside of math. Before pebbling was even a thing, my high school math teacher engaged in pebbling. I still have this Far Side tucked away in a box. 

Psychologist who are looking into pebbling are sharing that they see pebbling as a great way to connect to children.

What might it feel like for a student to walk into class one morning and see a paper on their desk and the paper was something just for them. You took time to learn a fact about your student and then utilized that to find or create a "pebble" to share. 

You could share something that a student might tuck away in a box and keep. 

Is there a teacher in the building that you want to connect with better, share a laugh, or brighten their day? Find a way to "pebble" them.

My challenge to us all is to engage in pebbling this year. Find creative ways to connect.

Below are some links to memes to help get you started.

Kid Friendly Memes

Coworker Memes

Teaching Memes

Final thought for our first blog of the year, my pebble for you...

First Week of School

Awe to Inspire

Awe arises in encounters with stimuli that are vast, or beyond one’s current perceptual frame of reference (Keltner & Haidt, 2003). 

What is your sense of Awe?

As we wrap up school we need to help our minds and bodies find a sense of calm, peace, and awe.

If you watch the clip above Keltner talks about veterans with PTSD and how the feeling of awe at a river has proven to have a positive effect on mental health.

Keltner goes on to share that the simple act of looking up at trees can help create compassion and willingness to help strangers.

Research is showing us that Awe is a feeling all to itself and is important in our lives.

Finding your awe can help you with your mental health. Research is also proving that experiencing awe can have a positive effect on your physical health. 

Some of the specific findings related to mental and physical well-being, as it relates to the feeling of awe are:

*sense of connection and well-being

*openness to others and prosocial behavior

* reduced anxiety, depression, and social rejection

* improvement of cardiovascular problems and autoimmune disease

So what is Awe and how do we find it?

As suggested already, one way to find awe is in nature. Psychologist Adam Grant recently posted a mindful thought about water and how simply being near it and watching it can improve your mental health. He went on to share that the more vast the body of water the greater the affect. 

One study in 2017 found that experiences of awe led people to feeling enlivened, robust, and strengthened, in ways beyond words. 

We have mentioned that nature is a way to experience awe but it is not the only way. 

Other ways are through what might be referred to as a mystical encounter or a spiritual experience. Belief in a higher power, feelings of being connected to supernatural forces, and strong social connection to this community.

Another way to experience awe is through music, movement, or ceremony. Specific songs, concert experiences, or dancing can bring to you a feeling of awe.

Seek out your own awe and improve your well-being.